Thursday, April 28, 2005
Want want want
I want a library. A huge, vaultingly high library with equally vaultingly high windows, a sprawling fireplace, and big comfy armchair with perfect reading light all day long. This room could also include divans, settees, gramophones and drapes. Simply so that some man could come along and woo me into dancing with him.
...
Told you I wrote it somewhere. :)
Monday, December 31, 2007
Once
How often do you meet the right person?
"Come away with me."
"To London?"
"Yes."
"To some place where no one else will find us?"
"Please come."
...
Vomit. It was awesome.
"Come away with me."
"To London?"
"Yes."
"To some place where no one else will find us?"
"Please come."
...
Vomit. It was awesome.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
How appropriate
I'm at work on a Sunday. After having hosted a party for 10+ last night and having cleaned until 4am. And after having downed way too much wine. By myself. While last time my silent rebellion was my antlers, today it's my sweats and constant iPodding. Loud.
I have OneRepublic's album on repeat in my ears, soothing the pounding in my head from last night's wine. I only just noticed the title of their album as I was walking back to my office now; Dreaming out Loud. hmm.
...
Tears are ever cleansing for the soul, even when you don't know what they're for. If they find me in my weakest moments, I let them flow freely.
I have OneRepublic's album on repeat in my ears, soothing the pounding in my head from last night's wine. I only just noticed the title of their album as I was walking back to my office now; Dreaming out Loud. hmm.
...
Tears are ever cleansing for the soul, even when you don't know what they're for. If they find me in my weakest moments, I let them flow freely.
Liquid Language
I just effin' wiped out down the stairs. Definite bruise on my arm, but thank god for banisters. I shouldn't have finished the wine. Either bottle of it.
...
you're not crazy
neither are you.
we're hopeless romantics that are sometimes just hopeless
cheers
cheers
...
I'm the one who really loves you baby
I've been knocking at your door
As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I've seen you cry
Into the night
I feel your pain
Can I make it right
I realized there's no end inside
Yet still I'll wait
For you to see the light
I'm the one who really loves you baby
I can't take it anymore
As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
You are my only I've ever known
That makes me feel this way
Couldn't on my own
I want to be with you until we're old
You have the love you need right in front of you
Please come home
As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
...
Perhaps you should just leave me alone.
...
I want more wine
I want more [of her]
You know who I want more of
c
o
m
p
l
i
c
a
t
e
d
LOL
...
Just lately the panic has set in and I've started to wonder whether the answer has been staring me in the face this whole time. But regardless if that is the case or not, I know don't have the courage to face it and find out for myself. Nor would I have the courage to face all of those who are ready to tell me that they told me so.
It has been supposed that the JF(ed)C are inextricably entwined and that there is only a certain level of happiness that can be shared amongst them. If that is the case, and if one of us is hogging all of it so that the other two of them are left in the cold, then I am okay with it; that means it's that strong and that worth it. I will cheer on love, as I know the rest of us would if it were proven to be that good.
...
I know there's some red, but I know my head will hate me tomorrow. Then again, it's 4:30 in the morning--it IS tomorrow.
....
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you
...
The minutes continue their countdown to midnight. She busies herself in the kitchen pouring champagne to distract herself and for an excuse to escape all of the happy couples gathered in her living room, ready to ring in the new year. There are plenty of friends new and old with her that night to celebrate and she does her best to think of them and how they made it there, rather than notice the one that's missing.
Steady-handed,but taking care with her left wrist just like in her old serving days, she carries the trays of champagne glasses out to share with everyone in the closing moments of the year. The counter on the channel they've tuned into announces that its down to the last minute. Everyone grabs a glass and then gathers around for the countdown. Smiles are all around; she smiles too to fit in. As the commotion and excitement grows around her, she realizes her phone is vibrating.
A message: "Knock knock"
She notes the sender and raises an eyebrow to herself. Her heart pounds in disbelief; she smiles whole-heartedly now. Discreetly, she slips from the crowd to the door. She doesn't look out the window, but takes a deep breath before opening it. He's standing there, grinning. A moment passes between them as she lets the moment sink in--she feels like she's floating. The crowd begins the countdown without even noticing her absence.
10...9...8...
"What are you..."
...7...6...
He just shrugs, stepping up onto the top step, now face-to-face with her.
...5...4...3...
"Happy New Year."
...2...1...
They kiss.
...
While I may never stop dreaming, I can't help but snap into a sobering wakefulness once in a while.
...
you're not crazy
neither are you.
we're hopeless romantics that are sometimes just hopeless
cheers
cheers
...
I'm the one who really loves you baby
I've been knocking at your door
As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I've seen you cry
Into the night
I feel your pain
Can I make it right
I realized there's no end inside
Yet still I'll wait
For you to see the light
I'm the one who really loves you baby
I can't take it anymore
As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
You are my only I've ever known
That makes me feel this way
Couldn't on my own
I want to be with you until we're old
You have the love you need right in front of you
Please come home
As long as I'm living, I'll be waiting
As long as I'm breathing, I'll be there
Whenever you call me, I'll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
...
Perhaps you should just leave me alone.
...
I want more wine
I want more [of her]
You know who I want more of
c
o
m
p
l
i
c
a
t
e
d
LOL
...
Just lately the panic has set in and I've started to wonder whether the answer has been staring me in the face this whole time. But regardless if that is the case or not, I know don't have the courage to face it and find out for myself. Nor would I have the courage to face all of those who are ready to tell me that they told me so.
It has been supposed that the JF(ed)C are inextricably entwined and that there is only a certain level of happiness that can be shared amongst them. If that is the case, and if one of us is hogging all of it so that the other two of them are left in the cold, then I am okay with it; that means it's that strong and that worth it. I will cheer on love, as I know the rest of us would if it were proven to be that good.
...
I know there's some red, but I know my head will hate me tomorrow. Then again, it's 4:30 in the morning--it IS tomorrow.
....
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you
...
The minutes continue their countdown to midnight. She busies herself in the kitchen pouring champagne to distract herself and for an excuse to escape all of the happy couples gathered in her living room, ready to ring in the new year. There are plenty of friends new and old with her that night to celebrate and she does her best to think of them and how they made it there, rather than notice the one that's missing.
Steady-handed,but taking care with her left wrist just like in her old serving days, she carries the trays of champagne glasses out to share with everyone in the closing moments of the year. The counter on the channel they've tuned into announces that its down to the last minute. Everyone grabs a glass and then gathers around for the countdown. Smiles are all around; she smiles too to fit in. As the commotion and excitement grows around her, she realizes her phone is vibrating.
A message: "Knock knock"
She notes the sender and raises an eyebrow to herself. Her heart pounds in disbelief; she smiles whole-heartedly now. Discreetly, she slips from the crowd to the door. She doesn't look out the window, but takes a deep breath before opening it. He's standing there, grinning. A moment passes between them as she lets the moment sink in--she feels like she's floating. The crowd begins the countdown without even noticing her absence.
10...9...8...
"What are you..."
...7...6...
He just shrugs, stepping up onto the top step, now face-to-face with her.
...5...4...3...
"Happy New Year."
...2...1...
They kiss.
...
While I may never stop dreaming, I can't help but snap into a sobering wakefulness once in a while.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Song of the Moment: "Say (All I Need)" - One Republic
Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted
Well, bless my soul
You’re a lonely soul
Cause you won’t let go
Of anything you hold
Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You’re doing your best and
Your best look
You’re praying that you make it
Well, bless my soul
You’re a lonely soul
Cause you won’t let go
Of anything you hold
Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted
Well, bless my soul
You’re a lonely soul
Cause you won’t let go
Of anything you hold
Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You’re doing your best and
Your best look
You’re praying that you make it
Well, bless my soul
You’re a lonely soul
Cause you won’t let go
Of anything you hold
Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it
Caffeinated
To combat the effects of sleeplessness and Innernia, I am currently on my second cup (how appropriate) of love today. First one was from Tim's, second was my favourite $5 cup from Bucks. If you could measure affection in cups of coffee or sheer amounts of caffeine, I'd score "flying-high" on that chart!
Update - 5:03:
On my third cup--but this one is more lovely than the rest. :)
Update - 5:03:
On my third cup--but this one is more lovely than the rest. :)
Friday, December 28, 2007
Baby...bluh?
I just used the new soap in the women's bathroom--it's blue! But now I've come back to my office to settle in and finish up the day, and all I can smell is baby. That clean-diaper kind of baby-smell.
"But I like that smell!"
Yeah, me too.
"But I like that smell!"
Yeah, me too.
Squiggly-isms
"If it wasn't meant for you, it was meant for someone else."
"You may know it in here," *points to head* "but do you know it in here?" *points to heart*
"Set the bar low so that you don't trip over it, even if you don't jump."
Believe it or not, sometimes it's words like these that get me through the roughest hours of my day. Even if it's not because of the wisdom they have to impart, it's because they make me smile and that's twice as good.
This morning I woke up and spent the extra time to make sure that my wake-up song was the perfect one; "Lay Lady Lay" by Magnet featuring Gemma Hayes. I brushed my teeth in bed so that I wouldn't have to miss any of it. It was a good way to start the day.
However, not long after getting in to the office and hanging around for a bit, I suddenly found myself a little confused. I received information that I didn't know how to feel about; I couldn't say whether I was happy or sad, but I knew I was feeling something. Sometimes some news hits you like that; your outer emotions come nowhere near matching your inside ones, and yet you have to keep the front up for fear of crumbling or being found out. In a daze for a bit, it was sheer luck that Squiggly called (or, Liv Tyler, as the Bod announced him) and managed to snap me out of it and bring me crashing back down to reality and solid ground.
That and I was laughing at him so hard, I forgot to be confused anymore. Oh, and my Seducer at the office brought me a $5 cup of love--those work wonders for my mornings. :)
p.s. I like getting songs for me.
"You may know it in here," *points to head* "but do you know it in here?" *points to heart*
"Set the bar low so that you don't trip over it, even if you don't jump."
Believe it or not, sometimes it's words like these that get me through the roughest hours of my day. Even if it's not because of the wisdom they have to impart, it's because they make me smile and that's twice as good.
This morning I woke up and spent the extra time to make sure that my wake-up song was the perfect one; "Lay Lady Lay" by Magnet featuring Gemma Hayes. I brushed my teeth in bed so that I wouldn't have to miss any of it. It was a good way to start the day.
However, not long after getting in to the office and hanging around for a bit, I suddenly found myself a little confused. I received information that I didn't know how to feel about; I couldn't say whether I was happy or sad, but I knew I was feeling something. Sometimes some news hits you like that; your outer emotions come nowhere near matching your inside ones, and yet you have to keep the front up for fear of crumbling or being found out. In a daze for a bit, it was sheer luck that Squiggly called (or, Liv Tyler, as the Bod announced him) and managed to snap me out of it and bring me crashing back down to reality and solid ground.
That and I was laughing at him so hard, I forgot to be confused anymore. Oh, and my Seducer at the office brought me a $5 cup of love--those work wonders for my mornings. :)
p.s. I like getting songs for me.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
She said
"Ok, Sunday is a GO... we can decide on the movie the day of. Surprisingly, I don't have to work on Sunday so let me know what time is best for you. We can get BBT to go for the movie and hurl tapioca at the TV screen when unrealistic love scenes take place... HAHAHAHAHA!!!:)
Anyways, I don't know the condition of your heart lately; but I hope it's healing!! You know what you need??? A ZEBRAFISH HEART... they have the capacity to repair their own heart!!!! Crazy eh??? Alright I'll stop with the nerd talk.
See you Sunday!!!
-Avril :)"
...
I am now in the market for a zebrafish heart, not really because I need one (I'm strong and resilient and will always bounce back, after all), but because that is just so damned COOL.
I am so distracted tonight. I could have and should have done about a million and one things tonight, but I've done nothing. I wrote this entry, but didn't post until hours later, I wrote some emails that I didn't sent until later, I opened up PowerPoint, and didn't make a single slide for tomorrow. Instead, I climbed into my PJs (back to the sparkles) and let my mind wander through cyberspace instead.
One by one, I'm losing guests for New Year's Eve. I'm still optimistically seeing it as a great night, but it's uncanny how many have changed their minds about that night due to a leap of faith. As much as I'll miss them, I'm cheering them on with all of my heart. The world could use a little more love. :)
Anyways, I don't know the condition of your heart lately; but I hope it's healing!! You know what you need??? A ZEBRAFISH HEART... they have the capacity to repair their own heart!!!! Crazy eh??? Alright I'll stop with the nerd talk.
See you Sunday!!!
-Avril :)"
...
I am now in the market for a zebrafish heart, not really because I need one (I'm strong and resilient and will always bounce back, after all), but because that is just so damned COOL.
I am so distracted tonight. I could have and should have done about a million and one things tonight, but I've done nothing. I wrote this entry, but didn't post until hours later, I wrote some emails that I didn't sent until later, I opened up PowerPoint, and didn't make a single slide for tomorrow. Instead, I climbed into my PJs (back to the sparkles) and let my mind wander through cyberspace instead.
One by one, I'm losing guests for New Year's Eve. I'm still optimistically seeing it as a great night, but it's uncanny how many have changed their minds about that night due to a leap of faith. As much as I'll miss them, I'm cheering them on with all of my heart. The world could use a little more love. :)
A little magic
It's funny how things come back to you. I only realized recently that some killer lines from some emails were specifically selected lyrics. I spent a night googling them and being blown away. (Boo, see why I understand?) Today, in my office solitude (there is now a playlist on my iPod with that title, featuring all the songs from that post), I heard a request for a song by The Police, "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic".
Where have I heard that before?
I remembered, I Googled it, I smiled. Maybe I'm reading too much into things, because after all, someone's words just MIGHT have been coincidentally sung by someone else. But I'd like to believe some people are too smart for that to be a coincidence so often.
Though Ive tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on
Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on
I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on
...
You echo even when you've said nothing.
Where have I heard that before?
I remembered, I Googled it, I smiled. Maybe I'm reading too much into things, because after all, someone's words just MIGHT have been coincidentally sung by someone else. But I'd like to believe some people are too smart for that to be a coincidence so often.
Though Ive tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on
Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on
I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on
...
You echo even when you've said nothing.
Classical Conditioning
(Psychology 101 - Pavlov's dog)
It's snowing outside. Just over the shortest span of time, I used to hear my phone everytime it snowed--especially during those falls when the flakes were gimongously big and fluffy like they are today.
Now whenever it snows, I look to my phone, even when it doesn't ring. What a classical case.
It's snowing outside. Just over the shortest span of time, I used to hear my phone everytime it snowed--especially during those falls when the flakes were gimongously big and fluffy like they are today.
Now whenever it snows, I look to my phone, even when it doesn't ring. What a classical case.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Gift Giving
Mom just told me she loves her Christmas present. Dad played with his until it'd taken as much of a beating the kitchen floors and walls could dish out. Brodder's disappeared since, but I have a sneaking suspicion he'll be delved deep into the pages of his for the 5th time by the time he comes home.
It's never about how much money, but how perfectly it fits. When you find that gift, you just know, and not only do you get excited buying it, but you can't wait for the person to open it, just to see the reaction on their face. What I wouldn't give to have captured the moment.
For me, it's about the giving.
It's never about how much money, but how perfectly it fits. When you find that gift, you just know, and not only do you get excited buying it, but you can't wait for the person to open it, just to see the reaction on their face. What I wouldn't give to have captured the moment.
For me, it's about the giving.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
All I want for Christmas
...this post should be able to write itself.
You're irrefutably irreplaceable.
You're irrefutably irreplaceable.
Wii wish you a Merry Christmas!!!
After all the guests had left and the first load of dishes was started in the dishwasher, my family of four finally took the time to sit together in front of the TV to see our Wii in action--a moment in the making since OCTOBER. Better late than never.
Family time of course turned out to produce hysterics among us; my stomach hurt--I think mom was in tears.
"No, fatter, fatter, fat--no, that's it!"
"That's not what my head looks like!"
"Yes it IS!"
"Okay, well then at least give me a real looking mouth."
"NO!"
"You can't make him that tall; he's not that tall!"
"I USED to be, you know."
"Make the eyebrows bigger...bigger...bwahahahaha!"
"Who ever USES this skin colour?"
"OMG--that's PERFECT!"
"OMG, it IS!!!"
"No dad, jump. JUMP!!!"
"I AM JUMPING!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOooOoooOOooOOooOOOooOooooo!!!"
"I WIN AGAIN!!!"
"Mom, stay on the path!!! No, you're in the FIELD!!!"
"I'm still winning!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhHhhHhhHHHHHhHHhhHhhhhHhhhhhh!"
*hysterical laughter*
In the end, we turned out a family portrait that we didn't even have to pose for. :) Merry Christmas, from beefgun, deathgrip, halitosis, and won't.i.am.
Family time of course turned out to produce hysterics among us; my stomach hurt--I think mom was in tears.
"No, fatter, fatter, fat--no, that's it!"
"That's not what my head looks like!"
"Yes it IS!"
"Okay, well then at least give me a real looking mouth."
"NO!"
"You can't make him that tall; he's not that tall!"
"I USED to be, you know."
"Make the eyebrows bigger...bigger...bwahahahaha!"
"Who ever USES this skin colour?"
"OMG--that's PERFECT!"
"OMG, it IS!!!"
"No dad, jump. JUMP!!!"
"I AM JUMPING!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOooOoooOOooOOooOOOooOooooo!!!"
"I WIN AGAIN!!!"
"Mom, stay on the path!!! No, you're in the FIELD!!!"
"I'm still winning!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhHhhHhhHHHHHhHHhhHhhhhHhhhhhh!"
*hysterical laughter*
In the end, we turned out a family portrait that we didn't even have to pose for. :) Merry Christmas, from beefgun, deathgrip, halitosis, and won't.i.am.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas at COIP
Rum and eggnog right in the middle of the working day. I guess it goes with the pizza and wings we had for lunch. These guys think of everything!
Perhaps I can blame my behaviour on the spiked-nog. K-Mart wants to nail me for sexual harassment, and I'm all open to it--hell, I have the picture to prove I did it! hahaha. I guess working today hasn't been ALL that bad. I've been getting to have some pretty coy conversations too. ;)
Don't any of you have anything better to do than read my posts while I'm working?
Update: we finished up early and all partied our way out of the office--yay!
Perhaps I can blame my behaviour on the spiked-nog. K-Mart wants to nail me for sexual harassment, and I'm all open to it--hell, I have the picture to prove I did it! hahaha. I guess working today hasn't been ALL that bad. I've been getting to have some pretty coy conversations too. ;)
Don't any of you have anything better to do than read my posts while I'm working?
Update: we finished up early and all partied our way out of the office--yay!
Where are you?
Christmas Eve-Day, and I'm at work. Poo. And no one knows when we're going to get out of here. To those also at work: MERRY CHRISTMAS--only (hopefully) 5 hours, 15 minutes to go. :)
I don't know about you, but to stick it to 'em, I'm going to wear my reindeer antlers alllllllll day--except that most people seem to enjoy them more than anything. *shrug* :D
I don't know about you, but to stick it to 'em, I'm going to wear my reindeer antlers alllllllll day--except that most people seem to enjoy them more than anything. *shrug* :D
My favourite of 2, but only 1 of 4
Christmas dinner number 1 was today. In a frantic rush, I finished up the tree and house decor and, along with Brodder, cleaned the house as best and quickly as we could--totally our own faults for having slacked off the whole week after the first attempt. There are pictures to go along with stories, but my camera is hiding somewhere in the house, and my bed is a little too cozy to start the search for it now. For now, the one that I have no pictures for:
My whole mother's side of the family was finally seated around the two huge tables dad had set out in the dining room; there were easily 20+ of us in total. Just as everyone finished doling out heaping portions of everything onto their plates, my slightly inebriated, eldest uncle stood up to get everyone's attention for a toast. After getting everyone's anxious attention, he nodded at my dad.
"Did you want to do the toast, or should I?"
"You go ahead," came my father's reply. You could practically feel the tension build; my dad SHOULD have done it, to save the rest of us from having to sit and wait for my uncle to muddle through his broken english in his typically epic-long speeches. And so, my uncle began.
"It is great that all of us have managed to come together tonight here, at this one house, to have dinner together. It is so hard to get everyone together, and it is nice that we are here together. This dinner together is..."
"CHEERS-IE!!!" Pol-Pol (grandma) cried at that moment, raising her third glass of rice wine.
"CHEERS!!!" The rest of us replied, whole-heartedly.
Way to go, G-ma!
My Pol-Pol's favourite part of family birthdays is not the cake or the candles, not the presents or the singing. It's the part that she gets to count everyone into the the happy birthday song:
"ONE, TWO, FEE!"
I love her.
Merry Christmas.
...
*picks up water bottle* "This is different."
"Yeah, I know. Someone gave it to me and now I can't drink it because it's too special."
"Oh. Ohhhhhhhh...sorry I asked."
*shrugs* "It's okay."
"Sorry, I was busy watching my inbox."
"For what? At this hour?"
"For an email, duh."
"From who? Table?"
"Bah! Mom! Yes, Table. hahaha. And for your information, I GOT one. I read the 13 words about 60 times before I came down. And now I'm here to help."
"Oh, why thanks."
"No problem. I care."
I love my family. Just don't tell them. :)
My whole mother's side of the family was finally seated around the two huge tables dad had set out in the dining room; there were easily 20+ of us in total. Just as everyone finished doling out heaping portions of everything onto their plates, my slightly inebriated, eldest uncle stood up to get everyone's attention for a toast. After getting everyone's anxious attention, he nodded at my dad.
"Did you want to do the toast, or should I?"
"You go ahead," came my father's reply. You could practically feel the tension build; my dad SHOULD have done it, to save the rest of us from having to sit and wait for my uncle to muddle through his broken english in his typically epic-long speeches. And so, my uncle began.
"It is great that all of us have managed to come together tonight here, at this one house, to have dinner together. It is so hard to get everyone together, and it is nice that we are here together. This dinner together is..."
"CHEERS-IE!!!" Pol-Pol (grandma) cried at that moment, raising her third glass of rice wine.
"CHEERS!!!" The rest of us replied, whole-heartedly.
Way to go, G-ma!
My Pol-Pol's favourite part of family birthdays is not the cake or the candles, not the presents or the singing. It's the part that she gets to count everyone into the the happy birthday song:
"ONE, TWO, FEE!"
I love her.
Merry Christmas.
...
*picks up water bottle* "This is different."
"Yeah, I know. Someone gave it to me and now I can't drink it because it's too special."
"Oh. Ohhhhhhhh...sorry I asked."
*shrugs* "It's okay."
"Sorry, I was busy watching my inbox."
"For what? At this hour?"
"For an email, duh."
"From who? Table?"
"Bah! Mom! Yes, Table. hahaha. And for your information, I GOT one. I read the 13 words about 60 times before I came down. And now I'm here to help."
"Oh, why thanks."
"No problem. I care."
I love my family. Just don't tell them. :)
Sunday, December 23, 2007
I should do this more often
Tree is up and lit (despite the absense of a whole string of lights; I got creative), the house is clean, and I've got new treasures.
I used strings of garland lights in the tree to make up for the weakness of the missing string--without those make-shift tree lights, the 2 remaining strings didn't even make it all the way around the whole thing! My only fear is that those garlands of lights might not be meant for the tree, and might burn the dang thing down--hence my frequent trips to the tree--just to check. :)
Found these buried in the pile of magazines that usually occupy the coffee table ($11.44!) in the living room. SCORE! Now I've got about a billion restaurants that I have to try, and all of these 2-for-1 coupons to take me touring around the city. Only thing is, I ain't going alone! Volunteers needed.
Came up with a heart-wrenching story for the holidays--will write it later, and perhaps post it; if I find I have the huevos. Sometimes you can't talk to people, not because you don't want to or because they don't want to, but rather because neither of you might be ready for it yet. How can that be? It just can. Happy Holidays, Sherman.
I used strings of garland lights in the tree to make up for the weakness of the missing string--without those make-shift tree lights, the 2 remaining strings didn't even make it all the way around the whole thing! My only fear is that those garlands of lights might not be meant for the tree, and might burn the dang thing down--hence my frequent trips to the tree--just to check. :)
Found these buried in the pile of magazines that usually occupy the coffee table ($11.44!) in the living room. SCORE! Now I've got about a billion restaurants that I have to try, and all of these 2-for-1 coupons to take me touring around the city. Only thing is, I ain't going alone! Volunteers needed.
Came up with a heart-wrenching story for the holidays--will write it later, and perhaps post it; if I find I have the huevos. Sometimes you can't talk to people, not because you don't want to or because they don't want to, but rather because neither of you might be ready for it yet. How can that be? It just can. Happy Holidays, Sherman.
International
It appears I may have a reader from France--how interestingly convenient and reminding.
Salut! Bievenue a ma blog!
I bet that was atrocious.
...
"Sunshine" - Hipjoint
how do I begin to stop loving you
how do I go on by letting go,
how do I pretend I know what to do
when deep inside I know that i don't
my heart is weak
too tired to sleep
I'm incomplete
like a day without sunshine
God only knows
this faded soul
will stand alone
waiting on sunshine
how do I forget to remember you
tell me how to mend a broken heart
how can I explain what I'm going through
it's like trying to find a shadow in the dark
my heart is weak
too tired to sleep
I'm incomplete
like a day without sunshine
God only knows
this faded soul
will stand alone
waiting on sunshine
Salut! Bievenue a ma blog!
I bet that was atrocious.
...
"Sunshine" - Hipjoint
how do I begin to stop loving you
how do I go on by letting go,
how do I pretend I know what to do
when deep inside I know that i don't
my heart is weak
too tired to sleep
I'm incomplete
like a day without sunshine
God only knows
this faded soul
will stand alone
waiting on sunshine
how do I forget to remember you
tell me how to mend a broken heart
how can I explain what I'm going through
it's like trying to find a shadow in the dark
my heart is weak
too tired to sleep
I'm incomplete
like a day without sunshine
God only knows
this faded soul
will stand alone
waiting on sunshine
Sparkly baby-talk
My new pyjamas have sparkles on them. I told my mom that I wasn't going to take them off, ever; she just shook her head at me and went back to preparing dinner for the next evening. Apparently everyone just accepts the fact that I'm just a little crazy.
...
"Oh no, dude, don't look at the table!"
"At the table? Why not look at the...ohhhhhhhh."
Stupid perfect table.
...
Was hit BAD with the baby-craze today. I can't even remember how it started. I just remember that once I let it slip to Squiggly that I wanted them, neither he nor coincidence would let me forget.
"I already know what their names are going to be; the first two, anyway."
"How many are you going to have?"
"Two to three. But if I'm open to having more than that, except that after three, they'll have to come in odd numbers. Two, three, five, seven, nine..."
"Whoa, five and you'll start making your own sports teams!"
"Yeah, I know. Seven's the perfect volleyball team!"
"Uh, doesn't..."
"I know what you're going to say, but seven is a team with a libero--and I believe the strongest teams have a great libero."
"..."
"Fuck...I'm insane."
And yet, he didn't judge. For the rest of the day, we actually did the baby talk. Not between us--because it's just too bad about the baby-thing--but between our future spouses. From becoming aunites and uncles, to actually having our own kids and disciplining them and raising them and such.
"Your spouse really has to have the same sort of disciplinary ideas as you do--you know, not afraid to be stern."
"Oh, hell yeah. I am NOT going to be doing the good cop/bad cop sort of mom and dad team. That just sucks because I KNOW I'd always end up being the bad cop, just because I love my kids."
"By then I'd be in a house."
"Oh for sure--I'd have had to give up my loft for them."
"It'd be tough to raise more than three here. Unless you lived somewhere else in the world."
"Oh trust me, I've calculated that too."
And then, of course, there were babies everywhere for the rest of the day. A family of four emerged from one store just as we finished discussing the number of children to a household (*sigh* "Okay, maybe I can do four."). A baby in a stroller tugged on Squiggly's coat while in line for food. A toddler rode past us on his father's shoulders at Costco. A baby was strapped in a front-facing snuggly in the aisles. And then, to top it all off, there was Boo on the phone with Burrito tonight.
"So boo, I hear you've been hit with the baby-craze."
Now that I've taken the time to share that with you, it seems to petty and insignificant--just banter between friends. But really, if I could have captured an ounce of what I felt today during the baby-craze and posted that, I would have.
...
"Oh no, dude, don't look at the table!"
"At the table? Why not look at the...ohhhhhhhh."
Stupid perfect table.
...
Was hit BAD with the baby-craze today. I can't even remember how it started. I just remember that once I let it slip to Squiggly that I wanted them, neither he nor coincidence would let me forget.
"I already know what their names are going to be; the first two, anyway."
"How many are you going to have?"
"Two to three. But if I'm open to having more than that, except that after three, they'll have to come in odd numbers. Two, three, five, seven, nine..."
"Whoa, five and you'll start making your own sports teams!"
"Yeah, I know. Seven's the perfect volleyball team!"
"Uh, doesn't..."
"I know what you're going to say, but seven is a team with a libero--and I believe the strongest teams have a great libero."
"..."
"Fuck...I'm insane."
And yet, he didn't judge. For the rest of the day, we actually did the baby talk. Not between us--because it's just too bad about the baby-thing--but between our future spouses. From becoming aunites and uncles, to actually having our own kids and disciplining them and raising them and such.
"Your spouse really has to have the same sort of disciplinary ideas as you do--you know, not afraid to be stern."
"Oh, hell yeah. I am NOT going to be doing the good cop/bad cop sort of mom and dad team. That just sucks because I KNOW I'd always end up being the bad cop, just because I love my kids."
"By then I'd be in a house."
"Oh for sure--I'd have had to give up my loft for them."
"It'd be tough to raise more than three here. Unless you lived somewhere else in the world."
"Oh trust me, I've calculated that too."
And then, of course, there were babies everywhere for the rest of the day. A family of four emerged from one store just as we finished discussing the number of children to a household (*sigh* "Okay, maybe I can do four."). A baby in a stroller tugged on Squiggly's coat while in line for food. A toddler rode past us on his father's shoulders at Costco. A baby was strapped in a front-facing snuggly in the aisles. And then, to top it all off, there was Boo on the phone with Burrito tonight.
"So boo, I hear you've been hit with the baby-craze."
Now that I've taken the time to share that with you, it seems to petty and insignificant--just banter between friends. But really, if I could have captured an ounce of what I felt today during the baby-craze and posted that, I would have.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
While at 7 West
"I think, if all things work out, I'll be the first to make you guys puke. And somehow, I don't think you'd be too surprised."
"No, no I wouldn't be."
Latte, cider, carrot- and cheese-cake. A drive, a curiousity, and the wee-hours of the morning. While it may have seemed we were running away from our problems, in truth we were diving right in. As insane as your words may sound, there's something relieving about being able to utter them with the knowledge that you will not be shot down; that you will not be judged. We listened, we shared, we dreamt. I spoke my heart and for a while, the hurt went away and I was allowed to love again. It felt good.
"Never stop dreaming."
--The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho, pg 62
"No, no I wouldn't be."
Latte, cider, carrot- and cheese-cake. A drive, a curiousity, and the wee-hours of the morning. While it may have seemed we were running away from our problems, in truth we were diving right in. As insane as your words may sound, there's something relieving about being able to utter them with the knowledge that you will not be shot down; that you will not be judged. We listened, we shared, we dreamt. I spoke my heart and for a while, the hurt went away and I was allowed to love again. It felt good.
"Never stop dreaming."
--The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho, pg 62
Friday, December 21, 2007
Taking only the inch
You're not crazy...
I was given an inch but I won't take the mile. As fast and as far as I want to run down that road, I can't. And as much as I hate running, this is one of the hardest things I've had to resist.
160 characters in a message and my heart will race for days.
I was given an inch but I won't take the mile. As fast and as far as I want to run down that road, I can't. And as much as I hate running, this is one of the hardest things I've had to resist.
160 characters in a message and my heart will race for days.
Silent insanity
Never before have 2 days seemed so long. Never has the silence been so deafening. We tell ourselves we're being strong, but really, we feel so weak. I feel so weak. I have never hit the refresh key so many times; and even though every screen remains unchanged--just as before, just as expected--I still find myself holding onto hope.
I just want to scream the story to the world so that people will know that I'm not crazy.
I just want to scream the story to the world so that people will know that I'm not crazy.
Oh, they're made for walking
I once had this photo as my profile picture on the infamously poopular (not a typo) fad called "Gangsta...I'd like to see how you run from the 5-0 with those killer heels!"
To which I responded:
"Just FYI, I can run a MARATHON in those heels!"
If I didn't actually believe my own claim before, I believe it after tonight.
Earlier on in the week, BigSexy texted me "Thurs. Dinner and a movie" to which I enthusiastically replied "YES!!!" I told him to just pick the place and show and I'd be there. And so the map of the car-less evening proceeded to draw itself out as follows:
- Avenue and Bloor to Sassafraz (Bellair and Cumberland)
- Sassafraz to Eaton Centre (Yonge and Dundas)
- Eaton Centre to Paramount theatre (John and Richmond)
- Paramount to a Queen Street bus stop (Queen and John)
- Kennedy bus stop to my home (on a path straight down the middle of each road)
By my eyeballing a Google map, I'd say we did at least 3km, and not a single complaint was heard from my feet. Sure, they got a little cold, but it's winter. I could have kept walking on until dawn. Love those boots. They're definitely for looking good, but also great for long walks, and (according to Squiggly) have the perfect heel for stabbing men in the hearts with, just before twisting. :p
BigSexy made for a great date as usual ("Why don't any women want to date me for real? Why do they always call me as the pick-me-up?" "Hey, you called me."). The food at Sassafraz was YUM-u, and the living wall was stunning (Our table was third from the left, but the next time I go back, I intend to go with someone to snuggle into the corner booth with). Soup (which I fed myself), chicken on risotto (*sigh*), and a dessert I couldn't pronounce with a latte (because I didn't think the hot chocolate came with cherries). The conversation was intellectually progressive (my fave), the movie was IMAXingly entertaining (which made for more conversation on the ride home), and to top it all off, I got a present at the end ("I'm sorry, I know I always get you books, but I'll try not to next time." "I think I'll be a little offended if you do that."). Ladies, he's more than a great date--he's the only guy that's not a jerk. ;) I'll hook you up.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
A Holey Doctor's Visit
Happily stuffing my face with food, I am back in my office after my doctor's visit, with a $5 cup of love (today's love provided by Second Cup). Let me just tell you, what a doctor's appointment!
So I saw my GP. She was awesome as usual ("Have I seen you since I had my hip replaced? Well, that's why I'm waddling like a duck."): she talked to me about what happened last week (without once suggesting that I was pregnant), looked me over, took my blood pressure, listened to my heart beat and breathing ("You're just full of layers like a cake, aren't you?" "I just wanted to be warm..."), and found nothing out of the ordinary. Which is as much as I expected, seeing as despite my starvation, I was feeling quite fine walking in there.
So, she sent me down a level of the building to their lab to get some bloodwork done (which, for those dear one's information, I DIDN'T have to fast for after all *groan*). I took the elevator down which took so long that I might as well have teetered down the stairs in my (spike men's hearts) boots. I found the lab, went in and handed in my requistion form. The nurse there was awesome. She was so bubbly and friendly, cool and confident in her environment.
She sat me down in a chair with the flippy front that half reminded me of the high-chairs that you seat babies in with the tray in front. As she bustled around preparing to take a sample of my blood, she told me to roll up one of my sleeves, and as I did, I had a sudden flashback to the last time I'd given any of my blood, and had been rejected. Remembering that my veins are as hard to find as the fountain of youth, I piped up to warn her.
"Uh, just so you know, you're going to have a tough time doing this. Like, tough. Good luck."
"Oh, no problem, we'll just take a good look first."
"Okay..."
And so she poked (hahaha) and she prodded my arm/elbow with her gloved finger for a while before she made a move.
"I think this will be a good one."
And she stuck my left arm with the blood-taking-tube and waited. Adjusted. Waited. Adjusted. Waited.
"I'm sorry, I don't think this is going to work."
"No worries. I told you it was going to be tough."
"Yeah, but I'm pretty good at this. I do this everyday."
"Really, it's okay--I know I'm difficult. My brother has all the good blood-giving genes. He just spurts the stuff if you jab him."
And so she removed what she had to remove, dumped it, and started a fresh on my right arm after sticking cotton and a bandage on my left. She stuck my right arm and waited. Adjusted. Waited. Adjusted. Waited.
"You are the first patient all year that I haven't been able to draw blood from by the second try!"
"Well, at least you made it to the end of the year without having met me."
"I'm so sorry. I think I'm going to have to call in the big guns."
She patched my right arm up with a bandage and left to get someone else--presumably her boss. He came in and looked at me and at both my bandaged arms. He inspected the insides of my elbows for any veins she might have missed, but she really WAS good at her job, and there weren't any.
"Well, we'll have to go in from the back of the hand then."
"Really?" *feeling a little gross*
"Yup."
Dammit. Not that I'm afraid of needles or anything (though I can't watch the moment that they stick me), but when it comes to getting things "done" to me, I'd rather stick to what I know. I've never had blood drawn from the back of my hand, so I was a little nervous. I guess I was just looking for a hand to hold by then--it WAS going to be their third try afterall.
So the big boss suited up and changed up some of the apparatus, and before long, I had finally filled my two tubes for testing. Thank goodness. I thanked them both (and apologized to the nurse again for being so difficult) and left to fill my belly with food.
The whole experience wasn't so bad except for the fact that I'm wearing three different cotton-ball/bandages in three different spots on my person. And what's worse--they didn't even give me a lollipop. I had to go buy my own $5 cup of latte love instead. :(
In other news, on the way to dropping off dimps at the airport (I miss her already), we saw a guy in full military get-up, but the kind of get-up that comes with a kilt. Below zero temperatures, and the man was toughing it out in a kilt with long-socks. Kudos! Just thought I'd share. :)
So I saw my GP. She was awesome as usual ("Have I seen you since I had my hip replaced? Well, that's why I'm waddling like a duck."): she talked to me about what happened last week (without once suggesting that I was pregnant), looked me over, took my blood pressure, listened to my heart beat and breathing ("You're just full of layers like a cake, aren't you?" "I just wanted to be warm..."), and found nothing out of the ordinary. Which is as much as I expected, seeing as despite my starvation, I was feeling quite fine walking in there.
So, she sent me down a level of the building to their lab to get some bloodwork done (which, for those dear one's information, I DIDN'T have to fast for after all *groan*). I took the elevator down which took so long that I might as well have teetered down the stairs in my (spike men's hearts) boots. I found the lab, went in and handed in my requistion form. The nurse there was awesome. She was so bubbly and friendly, cool and confident in her environment.
She sat me down in a chair with the flippy front that half reminded me of the high-chairs that you seat babies in with the tray in front. As she bustled around preparing to take a sample of my blood, she told me to roll up one of my sleeves, and as I did, I had a sudden flashback to the last time I'd given any of my blood, and had been rejected. Remembering that my veins are as hard to find as the fountain of youth, I piped up to warn her.
"Uh, just so you know, you're going to have a tough time doing this. Like, tough. Good luck."
"Oh, no problem, we'll just take a good look first."
"Okay..."
And so she poked (hahaha) and she prodded my arm/elbow with her gloved finger for a while before she made a move.
"I think this will be a good one."
And she stuck my left arm with the blood-taking-tube and waited. Adjusted. Waited. Adjusted. Waited.
"I'm sorry, I don't think this is going to work."
"No worries. I told you it was going to be tough."
"Yeah, but I'm pretty good at this. I do this everyday."
"Really, it's okay--I know I'm difficult. My brother has all the good blood-giving genes. He just spurts the stuff if you jab him."
And so she removed what she had to remove, dumped it, and started a fresh on my right arm after sticking cotton and a bandage on my left. She stuck my right arm and waited. Adjusted. Waited. Adjusted. Waited.
"You are the first patient all year that I haven't been able to draw blood from by the second try!"
"Well, at least you made it to the end of the year without having met me."
"I'm so sorry. I think I'm going to have to call in the big guns."
She patched my right arm up with a bandage and left to get someone else--presumably her boss. He came in and looked at me and at both my bandaged arms. He inspected the insides of my elbows for any veins she might have missed, but she really WAS good at her job, and there weren't any.
"Well, we'll have to go in from the back of the hand then."
"Really?" *feeling a little gross*
"Yup."
Dammit. Not that I'm afraid of needles or anything (though I can't watch the moment that they stick me), but when it comes to getting things "done" to me, I'd rather stick to what I know. I've never had blood drawn from the back of my hand, so I was a little nervous. I guess I was just looking for a hand to hold by then--it WAS going to be their third try afterall.
So the big boss suited up and changed up some of the apparatus, and before long, I had finally filled my two tubes for testing. Thank goodness. I thanked them both (and apologized to the nurse again for being so difficult) and left to fill my belly with food.
The whole experience wasn't so bad except for the fact that I'm wearing three different cotton-ball/bandages in three different spots on my person. And what's worse--they didn't even give me a lollipop. I had to go buy my own $5 cup of latte love instead. :(
In other news, on the way to dropping off dimps at the airport (I miss her already), we saw a guy in full military get-up, but the kind of get-up that comes with a kilt. Below zero temperatures, and the man was toughing it out in a kilt with long-socks. Kudos! Just thought I'd share. :)
Me so hungie
Due to my weakness of last week, I was encouraged by those dear to me to make a doctor's appointment as soon as possible. Apparently as soon as possible meant next week--today, to be precise. Also encouraged by those dear to me, I am fasting and have been doing so since my last mug of white hot chocolate last night, just in case my doctor would like to take some blood. At the rate I'm going, I'll be back in the same dizzying state as last week by the time I get there.
*faints* "THIS is why I was coming in the first place!"
I'm a little delirious and my extremities are a little cold; I'm becoming ridiculous at work. But apparently, everyone understands. I eat enough food here at the office that when I tell everyone I may be out of sorts due to self-imposed starvation, they all understand. What an awesome office. Tells you a little about how much I eat though, doesn't it? :)
On a slightly related note, Squiggly and I have had the following email exchanges today under the subject title of "Fatty be dancing!!!":
Squig - BAH!!!
me - Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!
Doctor's appointment today--I've been fasting so that she can take my blood if she wants, but that also means me be HUNGRY!!! BAH!
S - Today sucks! I just want to go home and go back to bed!!! When's your doc appointment?
m - Bed would be LOVELY right about now. So would a baby-sized burrito from Burrito Boyz. *drool* Doctor’s appointment is at 1:15. I drive P-face to the airport at 12pm. I’ma gon’ miss her.
AND THEY’RE ORDERING SUSHI FOR LUNCH AT THE OFFICE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!! BAH x tan90!!!
S - Oh oh oh....I know how to throw salt in the wound!!!!!! We're having FREE turkey dinner at lunch today!!!! AND...they'll serve it for dinner for the afternoon shift....so I may have turkey twice today!!! WOOHOO!!! Oh yeah....nothing like NaCl on the S-O-R-E!!!! hashahahahahhahahahaa!!!!!
But sushi or Burrito Boyz does sound pretty good!!
m - Oh the NaCl! It BURNS!!! I wonder if I could eat it… Damn you and your turkey. Damn Rob-u and his sushi boat. DAMMIT ALL!!! I think I shall have to buy myself something pretty before coming back to work!
...
I don't usually post at work, but I wanted to make sure you had something to read. :)
*faints* "THIS is why I was coming in the first place!"
I'm a little delirious and my extremities are a little cold; I'm becoming ridiculous at work. But apparently, everyone understands. I eat enough food here at the office that when I tell everyone I may be out of sorts due to self-imposed starvation, they all understand. What an awesome office. Tells you a little about how much I eat though, doesn't it? :)
On a slightly related note, Squiggly and I have had the following email exchanges today under the subject title of "Fatty be dancing!!!":
Squig - BAH!!!
me - Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!
Doctor's appointment today--I've been fasting so that she can take my blood if she wants, but that also means me be HUNGRY!!! BAH!
S - Today sucks! I just want to go home and go back to bed!!! When's your doc appointment?
m - Bed would be LOVELY right about now. So would a baby-sized burrito from Burrito Boyz. *drool* Doctor’s appointment is at 1:15. I drive P-face to the airport at 12pm. I’ma gon’ miss her.
AND THEY’RE ORDERING SUSHI FOR LUNCH AT THE OFFICE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!! BAH x tan90!!!
S - Oh oh oh....I know how to throw salt in the wound!!!!!! We're having FREE turkey dinner at lunch today!!!! AND...they'll serve it for dinner for the afternoon shift....so I may have turkey twice today!!! WOOHOO!!! Oh yeah....nothing like NaCl on the S-O-R-E!!!! hashahahahahhahahahaa!!!!!
But sushi or Burrito Boyz does sound pretty good!!
m - Oh the NaCl! It BURNS!!! I wonder if I could eat it… Damn you and your turkey. Damn Rob-u and his sushi boat. DAMMIT ALL!!! I think I shall have to buy myself something pretty before coming back to work!
...
I don't usually post at work, but I wanted to make sure you had something to read. :)
Whoops
I think it was there for a day. Maybe half the day. Not sure how I didn't catch that. I effed up. Pretty hard. I opened up my secrets for all to see, and was vulnerable for longer than I should ever have been. I suppose that's my own fault for trying to start something new--to hide something dear.
For those of you who know--feel free to help yourselves; it's not a forever secret, just one that needs to ripen alone in the dark a bit longer. For those of you who didn't notice, then that's spectacular; don't worry. As always, I'll share when I'm ready. But in all honesty, if you're not Crazy, then it probably won't mean much to you anyway.
...
Beware visitors to my home--the mistletoe has been hung and awaits the unsuspecting. :)
For those of you who know--feel free to help yourselves; it's not a forever secret, just one that needs to ripen alone in the dark a bit longer. For those of you who didn't notice, then that's spectacular; don't worry. As always, I'll share when I'm ready. But in all honesty, if you're not Crazy, then it probably won't mean much to you anyway.
...
Beware visitors to my home--the mistletoe has been hung and awaits the unsuspecting. :)
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
It has begun
David Foster's The Christmas Album is on full blast over the Bose soundsystem. There are two empty mugs of what used to be white hot chocolate on the counter. Brodder's grunting his way up from the basement with all the pertinent boxes. I'm moving plants and furniture out of the way. Give us a few hours, and the tree will be up and lit, decorated with all the ornaments of the years. There will be trinkets and lights in the windows, and with any luck, there will be some baking and gift wrapping after a late-night trip to Wal-Mart.
My family's home; the holidays have begun.
Merry Christmas, from me to you.
My family's home; the holidays have begun.
Merry Christmas, from me to you.
Baby Steps
If I can reconcile these damned accounts, then I'll take 10 minutes to blog. If I can sign 20 documents, then I'll let myself send a text. If I can organize a whole new binder for this new project, then maybe I'll send an email.
I don't know that I've ever been so goal-oriented before, but I have to do SOMETHING to keep myself on track. I think, unfortunately, it might be working.
I don't know that I've ever been so goal-oriented before, but I have to do SOMETHING to keep myself on track. I think, unfortunately, it might be working.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Brodder's home
*grunt* from down the stairs
*grunt* reply from my bedroom
*grunt* at my doorway
*sigh* "I'm so depressed!"
"Why?"
"It's going to be weird to tell you."
"Okay." *leaves*
"Hey! You can't do that!"
*returns* "What?"
"I was still going to tell you, I was just saying that it was going to be weird."
*grunt*
*sigh* "I'm ----------------------------!!!"
"Hah. I know."
"What?!"
"Mom told me."
"What'd she say?"
"She said you were a ------------."
"Ack!"
...
"I need to go shopping."
"Wal-mart's open 24 hours, wanna go later?"
"If we go, we have to go at like, 3am."
"But of course! And when we go, let's wear funny hats!"
*blinks*
*grins*
*laughter*
*grunt* reply from my bedroom
*grunt* at my doorway
*sigh* "I'm so depressed!"
"Why?"
"It's going to be weird to tell you."
"Okay." *leaves*
"Hey! You can't do that!"
*returns* "What?"
"I was still going to tell you, I was just saying that it was going to be weird."
*grunt*
*sigh* "I'm ----------------------------!!!"
"Hah. I know."
"What?!"
"Mom told me."
"What'd she say?"
"She said you were a ------------."
"Ack!"
...
"I need to go shopping."
"Wal-mart's open 24 hours, wanna go later?"
"If we go, we have to go at like, 3am."
"But of course! And when we go, let's wear funny hats!"
*blinks*
*grins*
*laughter*
The Long Way Home
It's twenty after six and it just dawned on me that my boss said he wasn't going to be in tomorrow. And yet here I am, still working away. Not that I mind. I'd rather be busy and distracted than at home alone with my thoughts. On top of it all, I'm taking the TTC home--and I don't mind that either. I haven't done so in so long. Mom wanted to go pick Brodder up tonight and asked to take the car from me at work. I didn't mind. As chance would have it, I'd brought the one and only book I want to be reading at the moment. It will keep me company on the long ride home. I had it with me before I went to bed last night. Although I had the cover open for the longest time, reading, I didn't read a word of the book last night.
It's funny how some things find their way back to you.
That's what I'm hoping.
...
"Boo, it's heartbreak...I'm dizzy again, and I'm already sitting down..."
"I know...It just takes time; a lot of love songs to squeeze the poison out. I'm gonna multimedia you back to health."
Nuff.
It's funny how some things find their way back to you.
That's what I'm hoping.
...
"Boo, it's heartbreak...I'm dizzy again, and I'm already sitting down..."
"I know...It just takes time; a lot of love songs to squeeze the poison out. I'm gonna multimedia you back to health."
Nuff.
Songs in my Solitude
I have a new office as of last night. Sitting here today, I've discovered that I can hear the radio so much clearer without the bustle of the bullpen. Back here it's quiet and I can be alone with my work and my thoughts.
Total agony.
Here's what I'm hearing:
"Sunshine" - Hipjoint
"I'll Be Waiting" - Lenny Kravitz
"Tattoo" - Jordin Sparks
"Won't Go Home Without You" - Maroon 5
"All I Ever Wanted" - Brian Melo
"I'll Keep Your Memory Vague" - Finger Eleven
"Apologize" - One Republic feat. Timbaland
"For the Nights I Can't Remember" - Hedley
"Silence" - Delirium feat. Sarah McLachlan
"Hate That I Love You" - Rihanna feat. Ne-yo
"Lost" - Michael Buble
"Wait For You" - Elliot Yamin
"Breathe" - Moist
Total agony.
Here's what I'm hearing:
"Sunshine" - Hipjoint
"I'll Be Waiting" - Lenny Kravitz
"Tattoo" - Jordin Sparks
"Won't Go Home Without You" - Maroon 5
"All I Ever Wanted" - Brian Melo
"I'll Keep Your Memory Vague" - Finger Eleven
"Apologize" - One Republic feat. Timbaland
"For the Nights I Can't Remember" - Hedley
"Silence" - Delirium feat. Sarah McLachlan
"Hate That I Love You" - Rihanna feat. Ne-yo
"Lost" - Michael Buble
"Wait For You" - Elliot Yamin
"Breathe" - Moist
Song of the Moment: "Like You'll Never See Me Again" - Alicia Keys
If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn’t feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I’d be wishing you were here
To be everything that I’d be looking for
I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again
How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it’s everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You’re beside me
I’m so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn’t feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I’d be wishing you were here
To be everything that I’d be looking for
I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again
How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it’s everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You’re beside me
I’m so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again
Monday, December 17, 2007
Quote of the Moment:
Daniel: Well, because I thought it would be something worse.
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?
Daniel: Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony.
--Love Actually
...
Total agony.
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?
Daniel: Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony.
--Love Actually
...
Total agony.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Living love
"Do you think it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?"
"Absolutely. Without a doubt."
"That's what I said too."
"If you haven't loved, you haven't lived."
"You know, some people will never understand that. I'm glad that you do."
"Love to live, or live to love."
"Are you asking me a question?"
"No; they're inextricably intertwined. You can't have one without the other."
"You know, I can tell a lot of people a lot of things. But with you and her, I can tell everything. It's because with you, I know that you'll always understand. And in those few times that you may not understand, then you'll accept. You'll always accept. Not everyone can do that, but you can."
...
There are some moments of silence that I would never trade for any other conversation. Sometimes those moments speak more volumes than actual words could ever.
"Absolutely. Without a doubt."
"That's what I said too."
"If you haven't loved, you haven't lived."
"You know, some people will never understand that. I'm glad that you do."
"Love to live, or live to love."
"Are you asking me a question?"
"No; they're inextricably intertwined. You can't have one without the other."
"You know, I can tell a lot of people a lot of things. But with you and her, I can tell everything. It's because with you, I know that you'll always understand. And in those few times that you may not understand, then you'll accept. You'll always accept. Not everyone can do that, but you can."
...
There are some moments of silence that I would never trade for any other conversation. Sometimes those moments speak more volumes than actual words could ever.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Dizziness diagnosed
So on Thursday morning, I woke up (at a sleepover) and found I was really dizzy. To the point where walking the 6 steps from the bathroom back to the bedroom had me almost black-out had I not so quick-thinkingly performed a volleyball-esque tumble through the door and onto the floor I'd just been sleeping on.
Immediately, all 4 members of my volleyball team that were there were all over me, concerned only for my well-being and health. From my position on the floor I assured them that, though unsteadily dizzy, I was okay. Someone asked me how I was feeling. I described my condition as:
I feel dizzy when I stand up--I almost blacked-out. I'm not nauseous, but I'm feeling both hot and cold in extremes. And I'm weak.
Personally, had I been the one trying to diagnose a friend, I would have chalked up the possibilities to being dehydrated, anemic, exhausted, or malnourished. Apparently, I am of a different strain of thinking as the overwhelming question from so many different people throughout the day was:
"Are you pregnant?!"
WHAT?!
Perhaps had I thrown up a couple of times before emerging from that bathroom all weak and faint, then maybe. But I hadn't! This is how vicious rumours start, I swear. haha. But seriously, it was strange to have that pregnant question arise so many times throughout the day in regards to my condition. To this moment, I still don't know exactly what happened (my doctor's appointment isn't until next week!) but the idea just seems so farfetched to me, that I can't get over it. Thank goodness I'm easily amused.
Boo, on the other hand, when she found out what had happened to me that morning, assaulted me with a battery of possible diagnoses that felt a little closer to my train of thinking.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm alright."
"Are you dehydrated?"
"I don't think so."
"Are you anemic?"
"I don't think so."
"Are you starving?"
"Hungry, maybe, but not starving."
"Are you pregnant?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
"Are you on your period?"
"Not yet, but that could explain part of it."
"Are you exhausted?"
"I slept."
"Are you stressed?"
"No more than usual."
"Are you heart-broken?"
"Oh, Boo. Maybe I am."
"Do you think that's it?"
"Would you believe me if I wanted to say it was?
"Absolutely."
...
"It's strangely quiet, though I asked for it to be this way."
"I know. But secretly you wanted it to break, didn't you?"
"Of course. But it's better this way, right?"
"In the long run, yes."
...
I am STILL basking in the affections of last night.
...
Two men this week have called me in search of a familiar voice, and I am flattered that they looked for that familiarity in mine. I love both of them to pieces.
Immediately, all 4 members of my volleyball team that were there were all over me, concerned only for my well-being and health. From my position on the floor I assured them that, though unsteadily dizzy, I was okay. Someone asked me how I was feeling. I described my condition as:
I feel dizzy when I stand up--I almost blacked-out. I'm not nauseous, but I'm feeling both hot and cold in extremes. And I'm weak.
Personally, had I been the one trying to diagnose a friend, I would have chalked up the possibilities to being dehydrated, anemic, exhausted, or malnourished. Apparently, I am of a different strain of thinking as the overwhelming question from so many different people throughout the day was:
"Are you pregnant?!"
WHAT?!
Perhaps had I thrown up a couple of times before emerging from that bathroom all weak and faint, then maybe. But I hadn't! This is how vicious rumours start, I swear. haha. But seriously, it was strange to have that pregnant question arise so many times throughout the day in regards to my condition. To this moment, I still don't know exactly what happened (my doctor's appointment isn't until next week!) but the idea just seems so farfetched to me, that I can't get over it. Thank goodness I'm easily amused.
Boo, on the other hand, when she found out what had happened to me that morning, assaulted me with a battery of possible diagnoses that felt a little closer to my train of thinking.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm alright."
"Are you dehydrated?"
"I don't think so."
"Are you anemic?"
"I don't think so."
"Are you starving?"
"Hungry, maybe, but not starving."
"Are you pregnant?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
"Are you on your period?"
"Not yet, but that could explain part of it."
"Are you exhausted?"
"I slept."
"Are you stressed?"
"No more than usual."
"Are you heart-broken?"
"Oh, Boo. Maybe I am."
"Do you think that's it?"
"Would you believe me if I wanted to say it was?
"Absolutely."
...
"It's strangely quiet, though I asked for it to be this way."
"I know. But secretly you wanted it to break, didn't you?"
"Of course. But it's better this way, right?"
"In the long run, yes."
...
I am STILL basking in the affections of last night.
...
Two men this week have called me in search of a familiar voice, and I am flattered that they looked for that familiarity in mine. I love both of them to pieces.
Tuesday Italicized
She hangs up the phone with her friend. Her most trusted companion, and she's never heard such conviction nor concern in his voice before. His words are the same ones she's been saying to herself for what seems so long now, but they've never sunken in as they have just now. In fact, she even had to cut the conversation short because they hit home so hard; any more and she would have become emotionally overwhelmed at work. As it is, she is teetering on the edge, in a sort of daze. She somehow makes it through the rest of her work--though it takes her an extra hour and a half to do so--and heads home, ignoring any requests for her company.
Once inside, she heads straight up into the solitude of her room, crawls into the comfort of her flannel pjs, and opens her laptop, intent on telling him everything on her mind. He's always listened and always understood no matter what she's had to say, and she's sure it will be the same this time too. Before she gets to put any words to the page, she hears a whistle for her.
"Dad? I'm upstairs."
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Honestly? I'm about to write an email."
"Oh yeah? Okay, well, there's food downstairs."
"Thanks, but it's okay, I'm not really hungry."
"Okay."
There is a pause as her father gazes around the room--it's been a while since he's been in there while she was in bed as she is. Despite the seeming end of his conversation, he makes himself a seat on the windowsill. Her eyes watch him; she's sure he can see the solemnity in her eyes; the looming knowledge of lonliness. He understands her want to speak, and so he asks.
"So, who is he?"
The tension--if it can be called that--bursts, and she begins to tell him the story she's been wanting to share for so long.
"Dad, I don't know. He's this amazing guy that, and I know this sounds so...cheesy...but I'm crazy about him. I'm crazy about him but logically and rationally, he's not mine and he shouldn't be, but I can't help myself. And dad, you know me. You know I'm the one that goes around breaking hearts--the one that doesn't care for guys or their feelings. I'm the girl that always walks away without getting hurt. I don't trust what guys tell me. I don't believe them. But he's made me crazy. He doesn't have to say much, but I believe him. I have never met someone that I've had such a connection with, dad. He is so amazingly genuine that I know I can trust what he tells me, what he says. I mean, I've only know him for such a short while, and yet I feel like I've known him forever."
Despite her composure, a few tears have escaped her. She hasn't cried in front of her father in a long time. She feels like a little girl again.
"Well, you know, if he's made such a big commitment already, you don't want to know someone that can break something so easily."
"I know, I know. If he can do that so easily, what's to say he's not going to turn around and do the same to me? I know, dad. I've thought of it all. I've heard it all. I'll be honest, I haven't asked, because I don't feel like it's my place to do so, but really, it doesn't matter. I can't make you see what I see, so I'm not going to defend or deny how it looks to anyone on the outside, but really, I can only say that I trust him."
"Some guys know how to say the right thing; make it sound believable."
"I know. I told you, I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise--it's too hard to if you don't know him."
"Why do you think you can trust him?"
"You know, dad, and again, this is going to sound silly, but as soon as he opened the door and I met him for the first time, I KNEW he was a good guy. I took one look at him, and I thought to myself, 'wow, this guy's great! He looks awesome.' Somehow, he reminded me of my best friend and made me think of how awesome he was, that I knew this would be the same. In fact, that very night, I got all upset that he wouldn't be coming out with us and that I wouldn't have a chance to party with him, and that my best friend wasn't going to get to meet him. I was really and truly upset! I couldn't believe it!"
"What made him so attractive? What he looked like or what he said?"
"What he said. Since then, I never saw him again for a while, except at that thing a little while ago. But for that time, we just exchanged emails. Emailed back and forth, and dad, you know me, I write a lot. Not only did he read everything I wrote, but he wrote back just as much. And dad, he read my blog. Dad, he read my entire blog, and I have over 500 posts up there!"
"What do you write about?"
"Anything and everything. We share stories. What we've done, where we've been. About our families and friends. Things that we'd like to do or try. Everything, dad."
Her father has by now made his way over to sit next to her on her bed. She shows him the sheer amounts of words that they've exchanged, the counts of the posts on her blog. She shows him the few pictures she has, and a few others he's shared with her. There is a quiet pause as her father considers it all; watches his daughter's teary eyes on the screen, running over the pictures...running over his face.
"Well, I don't see any deception in his face."
"There isn't any."
"And it's nice that he reveres his family."
"He's told me about them. I feel like I already know them."
Her father rises to leave, to let her write her email. She hasn't written a word since he arrived. At the door, he turns back.
"I'm going to say it because I have to."
"Yes, dad. I know. Go ahead and say it."
"Maybe you don't want to know someone that's already committed. You should lay low, and if things happen, they happen."
She looks at him with tearful eyes.
"That's what I'm trying to do, but it's so hard."
He returns to her bedside and pats her on the head in the way that only a father can, afterward letting his hand run down the side of her cheek to catch the tear on her chin. She smiles at him through her tears. He half-smiles back. Despite the warning, she hears through it--he gives it because he doesn't want her hurt, but he's also a romantic at heart and believes in her resilience. She knows.
"Thanks, dad."
Once inside, she heads straight up into the solitude of her room, crawls into the comfort of her flannel pjs, and opens her laptop, intent on telling him everything on her mind. He's always listened and always understood no matter what she's had to say, and she's sure it will be the same this time too. Before she gets to put any words to the page, she hears a whistle for her.
"Dad? I'm upstairs."
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Honestly? I'm about to write an email."
"Oh yeah? Okay, well, there's food downstairs."
"Thanks, but it's okay, I'm not really hungry."
"Okay."
There is a pause as her father gazes around the room--it's been a while since he's been in there while she was in bed as she is. Despite the seeming end of his conversation, he makes himself a seat on the windowsill. Her eyes watch him; she's sure he can see the solemnity in her eyes; the looming knowledge of lonliness. He understands her want to speak, and so he asks.
"So, who is he?"
The tension--if it can be called that--bursts, and she begins to tell him the story she's been wanting to share for so long.
"Dad, I don't know. He's this amazing guy that, and I know this sounds so...cheesy...but I'm crazy about him. I'm crazy about him but logically and rationally, he's not mine and he shouldn't be, but I can't help myself. And dad, you know me. You know I'm the one that goes around breaking hearts--the one that doesn't care for guys or their feelings. I'm the girl that always walks away without getting hurt. I don't trust what guys tell me. I don't believe them. But he's made me crazy. He doesn't have to say much, but I believe him. I have never met someone that I've had such a connection with, dad. He is so amazingly genuine that I know I can trust what he tells me, what he says. I mean, I've only know him for such a short while, and yet I feel like I've known him forever."
Despite her composure, a few tears have escaped her. She hasn't cried in front of her father in a long time. She feels like a little girl again.
"Well, you know, if he's made such a big commitment already, you don't want to know someone that can break something so easily."
"I know, I know. If he can do that so easily, what's to say he's not going to turn around and do the same to me? I know, dad. I've thought of it all. I've heard it all. I'll be honest, I haven't asked, because I don't feel like it's my place to do so, but really, it doesn't matter. I can't make you see what I see, so I'm not going to defend or deny how it looks to anyone on the outside, but really, I can only say that I trust him."
"Some guys know how to say the right thing; make it sound believable."
"I know. I told you, I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise--it's too hard to if you don't know him."
"Why do you think you can trust him?"
"You know, dad, and again, this is going to sound silly, but as soon as he opened the door and I met him for the first time, I KNEW he was a good guy. I took one look at him, and I thought to myself, 'wow, this guy's great! He looks awesome.' Somehow, he reminded me of my best friend and made me think of how awesome he was, that I knew this would be the same. In fact, that very night, I got all upset that he wouldn't be coming out with us and that I wouldn't have a chance to party with him, and that my best friend wasn't going to get to meet him. I was really and truly upset! I couldn't believe it!"
"What made him so attractive? What he looked like or what he said?"
"What he said. Since then, I never saw him again for a while, except at that thing a little while ago. But for that time, we just exchanged emails. Emailed back and forth, and dad, you know me, I write a lot. Not only did he read everything I wrote, but he wrote back just as much. And dad, he read my blog. Dad, he read my entire blog, and I have over 500 posts up there!"
"What do you write about?"
"Anything and everything. We share stories. What we've done, where we've been. About our families and friends. Things that we'd like to do or try. Everything, dad."
Her father has by now made his way over to sit next to her on her bed. She shows him the sheer amounts of words that they've exchanged, the counts of the posts on her blog. She shows him the few pictures she has, and a few others he's shared with her. There is a quiet pause as her father considers it all; watches his daughter's teary eyes on the screen, running over the pictures...running over his face.
"Well, I don't see any deception in his face."
"There isn't any."
"And it's nice that he reveres his family."
"He's told me about them. I feel like I already know them."
Her father rises to leave, to let her write her email. She hasn't written a word since he arrived. At the door, he turns back.
"I'm going to say it because I have to."
"Yes, dad. I know. Go ahead and say it."
"Maybe you don't want to know someone that's already committed. You should lay low, and if things happen, they happen."
She looks at him with tearful eyes.
"That's what I'm trying to do, but it's so hard."
He returns to her bedside and pats her on the head in the way that only a father can, afterward letting his hand run down the side of her cheek to catch the tear on her chin. She smiles at him through her tears. He half-smiles back. Despite the warning, she hears through it--he gives it because he doesn't want her hurt, but he's also a romantic at heart and believes in her resilience. She knows.
"Thanks, dad."
Like no one's watching
I was multi-media-ed by Boo last night. This gem surfaced and refuses to be erased--especially not after the accidental discovery of its lyrics. The dance makes my stomach sink, then soar, and land in a knot of emotion. The song gives me shivers.
The almost-kiss is beautiful, the envelopement--full of passion; he inhales her. And when she hits that note. It all makes me want to burst.
"Dancing" - Elisa
Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim the temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather
So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon
My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking
No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
...
The confession is that I've always wanted to be able to dance like this. And the joke is that if I ever won the lottery, I'd give it all up and become a back-up dancer. But the truth is that I'd want to dance with a partner; one that was always in step with me, that matches my every move, that catches me when I take the leap. And in the end if I had that, I don't know that I'd need to perform across the globe, just only to have a single chance to express an emotion such as this even if only to him.
The almost-kiss is beautiful, the envelopement--full of passion; he inhales her. And when she hits that note. It all makes me want to burst.
"Dancing" - Elisa
Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim the temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather
So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon
My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking
No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
...
The confession is that I've always wanted to be able to dance like this. And the joke is that if I ever won the lottery, I'd give it all up and become a back-up dancer. But the truth is that I'd want to dance with a partner; one that was always in step with me, that matches my every move, that catches me when I take the leap. And in the end if I had that, I don't know that I'd need to perform across the globe, just only to have a single chance to express an emotion such as this even if only to him.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The JF(ed)C Reunited
"Um, is that going to stink?"
*sniff*
"Did you just...?"
"What, doesn't everyone smell their own farts?"
...
"So who's getting married first?"
"I don't know, but I'm going to puke when it happens."
"I'm in on that puke-train!"
"Well you better hurry up and plan your cheap wedding, 'cause we're about to puke!"
"Go get some buckets!"
...
"You know you're in love when they make you want to do it; they make you want to do it right."
"They make you want to be a better person."
"They make you want to move back to Toronto."
"They make you want to travel the world."
...
"All people love me."
"Yeah, it's a shame for the baby thing."
"If it weren't for the baby thing, I'd be a slut."
...
"FEET COLLISION!!!"
"Is 'collision' with one feet or...bwahahahaha!!!"
...
"Just so you know, these songs kill me on a regular basis."
...
"Boo, we're co-existing."
"I know, I'm writing about it."
"Me too! I'll have to post this."
"Well, actually, I'm writing to --- about it."
"I'm writing to ---."
"We suck."
"Yeah..."
...
"I get called 'cutie'. What does that mean?"
"That you're not sexy?"
(groggily) "This is sexy." (points at himself)
*laughter*
...
I am basking in the affection of the ones that aren't complicated, but understand when I am. I could not be more in love.
*sniff*
"Did you just...?"
"What, doesn't everyone smell their own farts?"
...
"So who's getting married first?"
"I don't know, but I'm going to puke when it happens."
"I'm in on that puke-train!"
"Well you better hurry up and plan your cheap wedding, 'cause we're about to puke!"
"Go get some buckets!"
...
"You know you're in love when they make you want to do it; they make you want to do it right."
"They make you want to be a better person."
"They make you want to move back to Toronto."
"They make you want to travel the world."
...
"All people love me."
"Yeah, it's a shame for the baby thing."
"If it weren't for the baby thing, I'd be a slut."
...
"FEET COLLISION!!!"
"Is 'collision' with one feet or...bwahahahaha!!!"
...
"Just so you know, these songs kill me on a regular basis."
...
"Boo, we're co-existing."
"I know, I'm writing about it."
"Me too! I'll have to post this."
"Well, actually, I'm writing to --- about it."
"I'm writing to ---."
"We suck."
"Yeah..."
...
"I get called 'cutie'. What does that mean?"
"That you're not sexy?"
(groggily) "This is sexy." (points at himself)
*laughter*
...
I am basking in the affection of the ones that aren't complicated, but understand when I am. I could not be more in love.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
On a night like this
Of course it's raining outside. How quickly the weather can change. I hear it against the windows, and I think only of you.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Right vs Left
"Why do you have so much trouble getting up in the morning? Are you tired?"
"I just hate waking up without him here."
...
I talk to myself (doesn't everyone?) and sometimes it comes down to a right-brain versus left-brain sort of thing, and sometimes it surprises me what some internal conversations come up with for answers.
...
thisclose
...
Three sets of blankets do not offer the same sort of warmth another's body snuggled close would.
"I just hate waking up without him here."
...
I talk to myself (doesn't everyone?) and sometimes it comes down to a right-brain versus left-brain sort of thing, and sometimes it surprises me what some internal conversations come up with for answers.
...
thisclose
...
Three sets of blankets do not offer the same sort of warmth another's body snuggled close would.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
"Permanent Monday" - Jordin Sparks
Falling leaves like a blanket at my feet
There's a canopy of stars
And I just miss you like crazy
Suddenly the world's too big
And the hours move too slow
And I just wish that you were holding me near
Seven days, it feels like a year
You whisper through the line
You know I miss you like crazy
So baby can you steal a plane
A boat, the fastest train
You know it just don't feel the same when you're gone
I won't sleep until you're finally next to me
Can't wait to breathe you in
Don't wanna waste my time dreaming
I just wanna treat your name like
A whisper on my skin
And never have to say goodbye again
'Cause when I feel you right here close to me
Everything is where it's supposed to be
'Cause everytime you go away
The sunshine starts to fade
Frozen by the hands of time into a permanent Monday
Take me back into your arms
And don't ever let me go
'Cause when I see you walk through that door
I'm not lost anymore
I'm home
I'm home
...
Jordin Sparks is my current guilty pop-music pleasure. I liked her song "Tattoo" and then in listening to the rest of her album, found I enjoyed it very much. Her songs are singing my language right about now. Permanent Monday, Tattoo, No Air, and See My Side are my top choices, but the whole album is on repeat on my iTunes.
I feel like I'm at home. Like I've walked the world searching, and have finally found my home. For as long as I can remember, Boo has always coined that term correctly; Home is not necessarily your place of residence, but where you feel you belong. It could be a room, a space, within a certain presense, or by someone's side. The sense of being at home could overtake you at any moment, at any place. In a room surrounded by friends. In a house other than your own. During a holiday celebration with acquaintances. In a silent car with a near perfect stranger.
In a conversation over the weekend, it was mentioned that it is said that "home is where the heart is," and the talk was about how this pretty much held true. For me, I tend to get homesick fairly easily because of what I have to leave behind as I travel. But I think I'm coming to the realization that, if allowed to, I could make any place in the world my home--as long as I am allowed to bring my heart with me.
I'm not going without you.
There's a canopy of stars
And I just miss you like crazy
Suddenly the world's too big
And the hours move too slow
And I just wish that you were holding me near
Seven days, it feels like a year
You whisper through the line
You know I miss you like crazy
So baby can you steal a plane
A boat, the fastest train
You know it just don't feel the same when you're gone
I won't sleep until you're finally next to me
Can't wait to breathe you in
Don't wanna waste my time dreaming
I just wanna treat your name like
A whisper on my skin
And never have to say goodbye again
'Cause when I feel you right here close to me
Everything is where it's supposed to be
'Cause everytime you go away
The sunshine starts to fade
Frozen by the hands of time into a permanent Monday
Take me back into your arms
And don't ever let me go
'Cause when I see you walk through that door
I'm not lost anymore
I'm home
I'm home
...
Jordin Sparks is my current guilty pop-music pleasure. I liked her song "Tattoo" and then in listening to the rest of her album, found I enjoyed it very much. Her songs are singing my language right about now. Permanent Monday, Tattoo, No Air, and See My Side are my top choices, but the whole album is on repeat on my iTunes.
I feel like I'm at home. Like I've walked the world searching, and have finally found my home. For as long as I can remember, Boo has always coined that term correctly; Home is not necessarily your place of residence, but where you feel you belong. It could be a room, a space, within a certain presense, or by someone's side. The sense of being at home could overtake you at any moment, at any place. In a room surrounded by friends. In a house other than your own. During a holiday celebration with acquaintances. In a silent car with a near perfect stranger.
In a conversation over the weekend, it was mentioned that it is said that "home is where the heart is," and the talk was about how this pretty much held true. For me, I tend to get homesick fairly easily because of what I have to leave behind as I travel. But I think I'm coming to the realization that, if allowed to, I could make any place in the world my home--as long as I am allowed to bring my heart with me.
I'm not going without you.
Speechless
"If it weren't so inappro..."
"I know...I know."
Some moments can't be described using just words.
"I know...I know."
Some moments can't be described using just words.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
From a Squiggly Experience
"Is this how it was for you?"
"Yes. It's pretty fucked up. Any sense of logic you think you had is out the fucking window."
...
"Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!!! Fuck!!! FUCK!!!"
"I believe the descriptive word you're looking for is 'fuck.'"
*sigh* "Fuck."
...
"I just want to run around to everyone and TELL them! I want to spill my guts and just confess!!!"
"Seriously, who's on the drugs, you or me?"
...
"Tell me if I'm stupid or not;"
"Okay."
"I just..."
"YOU'RE STUPID!!!"
"That's what I thought."
"I'm sorry."
"Nah, it's what I thought anyway."
...
*beep-beep*
"Why hello, complicated."
"That's awesome."
"Yes. It's pretty fucked up. Any sense of logic you think you had is out the fucking window."
...
"Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!!! Fuck!!! FUCK!!!"
"I believe the descriptive word you're looking for is 'fuck.'"
*sigh* "Fuck."
...
"I just want to run around to everyone and TELL them! I want to spill my guts and just confess!!!"
"Seriously, who's on the drugs, you or me?"
...
"Tell me if I'm stupid or not;"
"Okay."
"I just..."
"YOU'RE STUPID!!!"
"That's what I thought."
"I'm sorry."
"Nah, it's what I thought anyway."
...
*beep-beep*
"Why hello, complicated."
"That's awesome."
Secretly Slipping
Three words slip out into the empty car and no one else is there to hear the surprise in her voice except for her.
...
Every night I charge my phone in preparation for the day to come. My spare moments are spent deleting text messages from my phone in hopes to receive more.
...
It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes, I always know
You make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time, wherever you go
It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose, the feeling shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holding my tight....
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Oh wherever you go, I always know
Cause you make me smile even just for a while
--from "Bubbly", Colbie Caillat
...
The secretive smile-and-wink gets me every time. Especially when there's something secret to share.
...
Every night I charge my phone in preparation for the day to come. My spare moments are spent deleting text messages from my phone in hopes to receive more.
...
It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes, I always know
You make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time, wherever you go
It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose, the feeling shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holding my tight....
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Oh wherever you go, I always know
Cause you make me smile even just for a while
--from "Bubbly", Colbie Caillat
...
The secretive smile-and-wink gets me every time. Especially when there's something secret to share.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Song of the Moment: "Weak" - SWV
I don't know what it is that you've done to me
But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you do to me
It's a feeling that i want to stay
Now my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of loving you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the problem here is you
I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak
I lose all control
It's something comes over me
In a daze, it is so amazing
It's not a phase I want you to stay with me
By my side, I swallow my pride
Your love is do sweet, it knocks me right off my feet
Can't explain why your love just makes me weak
Time after time after time I tried to fight it
But your love is strong
It keeps me holdin' on
Resistance is down when you're around my baby
In my condition, I don't want to be alone
I get so weak
Blood starts racing through my veins I get so weak
It's something I can't explain I get so weak
Something 'bout the way you do
The things you do...
Knocks me right off my feet
Can't explain why your love just makes me weak
Time after time after time
I try to fight it
But your love is strong
It keeps on holding on
Resistance is down when you're around
In no condition, i don't want to be alone
I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak
I lose all control
It's something comes over me
In a daze, it is so amazing
It's not a phase I want you to stay with me
By my side, I swallow my pride
Your love is do sweet, it knocks me right off my feet
Can't explain why your love just makes me weak
...
After a moment in the office, someone (that could have been me) burst into the first few lines of the chorus of this song, and I was reminded of how GREAT a song it is. I think it might just have to make it onto my playlist later tonight.
But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you do to me
It's a feeling that i want to stay
Now my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of loving you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the problem here is you
I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak
I lose all control
It's something comes over me
In a daze, it is so amazing
It's not a phase I want you to stay with me
By my side, I swallow my pride
Your love is do sweet, it knocks me right off my feet
Can't explain why your love just makes me weak
Time after time after time I tried to fight it
But your love is strong
It keeps me holdin' on
Resistance is down when you're around my baby
In my condition, I don't want to be alone
I get so weak
Blood starts racing through my veins I get so weak
It's something I can't explain I get so weak
Something 'bout the way you do
The things you do...
Knocks me right off my feet
Can't explain why your love just makes me weak
Time after time after time
I try to fight it
But your love is strong
It keeps on holding on
Resistance is down when you're around
In no condition, i don't want to be alone
I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak
I lose all control
It's something comes over me
In a daze, it is so amazing
It's not a phase I want you to stay with me
By my side, I swallow my pride
Your love is do sweet, it knocks me right off my feet
Can't explain why your love just makes me weak
...
After a moment in the office, someone (that could have been me) burst into the first few lines of the chorus of this song, and I was reminded of how GREAT a song it is. I think it might just have to make it onto my playlist later tonight.
Sifting through thoughts
Conversations always seem to come full circle sooner or later. Who knew Guy B might ever have to pass on advice to Girl B? Good talk, though. :) Funny how things work sometimes...
...
Chatting tonight, I was sifting through the millions of pictures on my laptop and came across my "Family" folder. Most of the pictures that my family takes together end up on the desktop computer downstairs because usually they're taken at family events and therefore are on my family cameras (yes, cameras) whereas the pictures I take on my camera are always uploaded to good ol' Jenny. ANYwhooo...the point I was going to get around to making was that any of the family pictures on my computer tend to be less formal.
Since they're less formal and I don't tend to have to inspect them for printing quality approval (do I have food in my teeth, can you see the food on so-and-so's shirt) I tend to forget about them next to immediately. And so, today's sift turned up the following series of pictures that totally tickled my funny bone. Each of us took our turns and posed, pictured, and then compared.
Out of Mom, Dad, Brodder, and I, it is Dad and Brodder whose calves look the most alike. Apparently this was a debate that was weighty enough to require photographic documentation. *shakes head* Only my family.
...
"OMG, I've been X-nayed!"
...
She can hear a commotion--if it can be called that--out in the receptionist's area, but she doesn't look up; it's probably the delivery boy with that day's mail. She continues with her monotonous routine of office duties: verify, type, check, file. She suddenly becomes aware of someone looming over the front of the desk. She looks up and finds herself looking into his face. Slightly stunned, but without being able to help herself, she smiles.
"What are you doing here?"
He returns the smile, but ignores her question and instead poses one of his own.
"Where's your passport?"
"At home, why?"
Still smiling, he again ignores her question.
"Let's go get it."
He reaches over and extends his hand to her. Puzzled, but trusting, she takes it and allows herself to be gently raised to her feet. He leads her out from behind her desk, past the receptionist, and out of the building, believing, blinking, into the sunlight.
...
JULIET
...To-morrow will I send.
ROMEO
So thrive my soul--
JULIET
A thousand times good night!
ROMEO
A thousand times the worse, to want thy light.
Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books,
But love from love, toward school with heavy looks.
...
A thousand.
...
Chatting tonight, I was sifting through the millions of pictures on my laptop and came across my "Family" folder. Most of the pictures that my family takes together end up on the desktop computer downstairs because usually they're taken at family events and therefore are on my family cameras (yes, cameras) whereas the pictures I take on my camera are always uploaded to good ol' Jenny. ANYwhooo...the point I was going to get around to making was that any of the family pictures on my computer tend to be less formal.
Since they're less formal and I don't tend to have to inspect them for printing quality approval (do I have food in my teeth, can you see the food on so-and-so's shirt) I tend to forget about them next to immediately. And so, today's sift turned up the following series of pictures that totally tickled my funny bone. Each of us took our turns and posed, pictured, and then compared.
Out of Mom, Dad, Brodder, and I, it is Dad and Brodder whose calves look the most alike. Apparently this was a debate that was weighty enough to require photographic documentation. *shakes head* Only my family.
...
"OMG, I've been X-nayed!"
...
She can hear a commotion--if it can be called that--out in the receptionist's area, but she doesn't look up; it's probably the delivery boy with that day's mail. She continues with her monotonous routine of office duties: verify, type, check, file. She suddenly becomes aware of someone looming over the front of the desk. She looks up and finds herself looking into his face. Slightly stunned, but without being able to help herself, she smiles.
"What are you doing here?"
He returns the smile, but ignores her question and instead poses one of his own.
"Where's your passport?"
"At home, why?"
Still smiling, he again ignores her question.
"Let's go get it."
He reaches over and extends his hand to her. Puzzled, but trusting, she takes it and allows herself to be gently raised to her feet. He leads her out from behind her desk, past the receptionist, and out of the building, believing, blinking, into the sunlight.
...
JULIET
...To-morrow will I send.
ROMEO
So thrive my soul--
JULIET
A thousand times good night!
ROMEO
A thousand times the worse, to want thy light.
Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books,
But love from love, toward school with heavy looks.
...
A thousand.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Focus
I find myself having to pause and take a few deep breaths throughout the day to collect myself and to keep my mind on the tasks at hand. Without those moments, it feels like I'm walking in a fog. The people I encounter are like blurred shadows, and their voices like muffled whispers coming from sources so far away.
Even though it's been since yesterday's lunch that I've eaten anything, I don't think that's the cause of the sinking feeling in my stomach.
Even though it's been since yesterday's lunch that I've eaten anything, I don't think that's the cause of the sinking feeling in my stomach.
Inexplicable
How do you lose something you never had;
break something that was never whole;
miss something that was never there;
want something that was never yours?
How do you fit eternity into three days;
fight for something you can't win;
regret doing the right thing;
silence your loudest thoughts?
...
A little on the bubbly side, but most of the words seem to do:
"Tattoo" - Jordin Sparks
No matter what you say about love,
I keep coming back for more,
My head in the fire
sooner or later I get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed. The truth is a stranger
My soul is in danger
I gotta let my spirit be free to
Admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back, got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking ties
When I looked in the mirror
Didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop
Admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong and leave you behind
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back, got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you.
...
The rain coldly pelted my face as I went to and from the house and car moving boxes and bags of belongings. A hood was offered to me, but I declined; the work itself was distraction enough from the relentless drops. Besides, soaked through to the bone, I was hoping for some other excuse to stay home from work in the morning.
My whole entire being is exhausted from the events of today.
break something that was never whole;
miss something that was never there;
want something that was never yours?
How do you fit eternity into three days;
fight for something you can't win;
regret doing the right thing;
silence your loudest thoughts?
...
A little on the bubbly side, but most of the words seem to do:
"Tattoo" - Jordin Sparks
No matter what you say about love,
I keep coming back for more,
My head in the fire
sooner or later I get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed. The truth is a stranger
My soul is in danger
I gotta let my spirit be free to
Admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back, got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking ties
When I looked in the mirror
Didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop
Admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong and leave you behind
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back, got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you.
...
The rain coldly pelted my face as I went to and from the house and car moving boxes and bags of belongings. A hood was offered to me, but I declined; the work itself was distraction enough from the relentless drops. Besides, soaked through to the bone, I was hoping for some other excuse to stay home from work in the morning.
My whole entire being is exhausted from the events of today.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Snow
The snow storm they had predicted had arrived. It snuck up quietly while we were dancing the night away in the club. By the time we left, there were cars sliding through the foot-deep snow all across the city. I let him drive; not only were my eyes incredibly dry, but I knew he'd enjoy it more. Our route home twisted and turned its way through the city byways and highways as we happened upon obstacle after obstacle of abandoned cars, cars unable to make it up inclines, cars unable to stop for red lights, or cars that just simply couldn't clear the depths of snow ahead. Having left the party at 2am, our usual 30 minute drive home with various stop-offs turned into a two hour trek.
It was 4am by the time he pulled into his own driveway in my car--all that was left was for me to get myself home and into bed. The car was in neutral, parking brake engaged, and yet neither of us made the effort to move.
"Did you want to talk?"
"I'd love to talk, but to be honest, I've got to get home to bed. I've got to get up and brave this again by 7am."
"That sucks. We can talk tomorrow."
"Yeah, we can. You know, I'm done at 1pm; I'll come home, clean up, and then we can head out to Main Street Unionville on an adventure to help those stuck along the way, and then we can go for a Starbucks to talk and watch the snow fall."
"That sounds good. I'd like that."
"Me too."
There was one more moment of pause before we finally got up; he to enter his house, me to switch to the driver's seat. He stood in the snow to see me into the car.
"You going to be okay to drive?"
"Yeah, no problem."
"You sure?"
"I'm tired, but I'll be fine. I'll call you when I get home."
"Okay, call me."
"I will. 'Night."
"'Night."
This time I watched him into his house, and then pulled out of the driveway, my headlights falling briefly on the footprints we'd left in the snow, surely to be swallowed by the storm.
...
The question now becomes; catch minimal sleep and risk sleeping in? Or stay up the rest of the time until when I must leave in the morning?
It was 4am by the time he pulled into his own driveway in my car--all that was left was for me to get myself home and into bed. The car was in neutral, parking brake engaged, and yet neither of us made the effort to move.
"Did you want to talk?"
"I'd love to talk, but to be honest, I've got to get home to bed. I've got to get up and brave this again by 7am."
"That sucks. We can talk tomorrow."
"Yeah, we can. You know, I'm done at 1pm; I'll come home, clean up, and then we can head out to Main Street Unionville on an adventure to help those stuck along the way, and then we can go for a Starbucks to talk and watch the snow fall."
"That sounds good. I'd like that."
"Me too."
There was one more moment of pause before we finally got up; he to enter his house, me to switch to the driver's seat. He stood in the snow to see me into the car.
"You going to be okay to drive?"
"Yeah, no problem."
"You sure?"
"I'm tired, but I'll be fine. I'll call you when I get home."
"Okay, call me."
"I will. 'Night."
"'Night."
This time I watched him into his house, and then pulled out of the driveway, my headlights falling briefly on the footprints we'd left in the snow, surely to be swallowed by the storm.
...
The question now becomes; catch minimal sleep and risk sleeping in? Or stay up the rest of the time until when I must leave in the morning?
Saturday, December 01, 2007
A love like theirs
Tonight (technically last night) was my parents' 26th anniversary. Having come home only shortly before them, I was still in the kitchen to watch them exchange their gifts. They giggled, they wooed, they thanked, and they exchanged kisses, much to my adolescent-childlike horror and delight. After so many years, they're still making it. Sure the gifts weren't lavish, sure the dinner wasn't gourmet, sure the occasion didn't warrant the night being reserved for only themselves, but after so long, just to know you're still in love must be more than enough.
I can only hope and wish for the same for myself.
...
"Mom, so how did you guys meet? I mean really?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I've heard a restaurant story, a work story, a bathroom story, but I don't think I know the actual story."
"Those are all of your dad's stories. Really, there's no story."
"C'mon, you had to meet SOMEhow."
*sighs* "Hm...alright, how did we meet? Well, it was...at a wedding. We met at a wedding. I was a friend, and your dad was family."
"Really?"
"Yup. We met at a wedding, and then soon after we were all invited by the bride and groom to go on a massive camping trip. And that's how we met."
"Huh...that's it, eh?"
"Yup, that's it."
It's still romantic to me. More uncannily romantic than my life is allowed to be.
...
If you could listen in to my brain right now, you would find this song. On repeat.
Yesterday the odds were stacked
In favor of my expectations
Flyin' above the rest
Never fallin' from the nest
Tuesday came and went and now
I'm in a little situation
Maybe it's for the best
I can live alone, I guess
Maybe I can stand alone
Maybe I'm strong as stone
Even though the bird has flown
Maybe he'll fly on home
Forgive me if I'm keeping you
Apart from better conversation
Hung up on all my doubt
Trying to sort the whole thing out
Tell me that I'm smart enough
To deal with all the information
Spinning inside my head
Every word he ever said
Maybe I can stand alone
Maybe I'm strong as stone
Even though the bird has flown
Maybe he'll fly on home
--Alison Krauss, "Maybe"
I can only hope and wish for the same for myself.
...
"Mom, so how did you guys meet? I mean really?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I've heard a restaurant story, a work story, a bathroom story, but I don't think I know the actual story."
"Those are all of your dad's stories. Really, there's no story."
"C'mon, you had to meet SOMEhow."
*sighs* "Hm...alright, how did we meet? Well, it was...at a wedding. We met at a wedding. I was a friend, and your dad was family."
"Really?"
"Yup. We met at a wedding, and then soon after we were all invited by the bride and groom to go on a massive camping trip. And that's how we met."
"Huh...that's it, eh?"
"Yup, that's it."
It's still romantic to me. More uncannily romantic than my life is allowed to be.
...
If you could listen in to my brain right now, you would find this song. On repeat.
Yesterday the odds were stacked
In favor of my expectations
Flyin' above the rest
Never fallin' from the nest
Tuesday came and went and now
I'm in a little situation
Maybe it's for the best
I can live alone, I guess
Maybe I can stand alone
Maybe I'm strong as stone
Even though the bird has flown
Maybe he'll fly on home
Forgive me if I'm keeping you
Apart from better conversation
Hung up on all my doubt
Trying to sort the whole thing out
Tell me that I'm smart enough
To deal with all the information
Spinning inside my head
Every word he ever said
Maybe I can stand alone
Maybe I'm strong as stone
Even though the bird has flown
Maybe he'll fly on home
--Alison Krauss, "Maybe"
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