Yes, He Deserves A Hero Cookie

Venting about Shmelly being such a shmelly in my last post reminds me of an experience that I meant to post about oh so long ago and that Hero Cookie Man himself once requested of me...and so, here it is...

Once upon a time, not oh-so long ago (actually, while Hero Cookie Man came back from England to visit over the Christmas holidays), Shmelly and Hero Cookie decided to take a trip to the local casino of Port Perry before Hero Cookie had to head back to the other side of the world. I, of course, tagged along for the late night adventure out east and oh what an adventure it turned out to be.

The boys decided to head out fairly late that night after we'd sat around at my place, vegging in front of the boob-tube for a few hours. Whether it was the absense of traffic, the excited chatter in the car, the stars above, or the fact that we were cruisin' in Hero Cookie's mom's Beamer, the hour long drive passed by quickly and we were soon weaving the parking lot aisles, looking for a space. After parking, the three of us strode through the sliding door entrance and into the casino...almost.

With Hero Cookie and I looking deceivingly younger than our ages, the security guards consulted each other, and then stopped us at the door.

"IDs please."

No problem. HC and I enthusiastically reached for our wallets while Shmelly stood by and joked.

"I don't have any ID."

Haha. HC and I giggled and shook our heads at Shmelly's antics. But he persisted with his foolery.

"No, really, I don't have any ID."

Haha...HC and I giggled once more until we realized he was serious.

"You've got to be kidding..."
"You're serious?!"

Yes, he was serious and despite his earnest pleas, the security guards were not going to let him in, regardless of the fact that both HC and I were more than of legal age and Shmelly looked (and was) years older than us. Dejectedly, we dragged our feet--and Shmelly's ass--back out the way we came.

As we walked to the car, as we got into the car, and as we headed away from the casino, Shmelly tried to convince us that if we let him change his shirt and hat and let him walk back in by himself, the security guards would be none the wiser, see him for his true age, and let him walk right in with us to follow soon on his heels. Unfortunately, his scheme didn't quite gel with us and we didn't allow him the chance; for some reason, we gave the security guards a little more credit than that.

As sort of an immediate consolation for having ridden in the back of a beautiful Beamer for an hour for no apparent reason, I got to listen to Hero Cookie ream on Shmelly for the ride homeward. His amusingly frustrated rant included words such as "dumb-ass", "idiot", "retard", and "stupid", as well as the phrases "I can't believe you", "you're such as Shmelly", and of course "if you wanted a hero cookie, you could have just asked." The insults were incessant (Hero Cookie's good, what can I say?) until Shmelly finally struck on an even more ingenious scheme than the one before.

"I bet that if we drive to Rama right now, I could walk in there without needing an ID at all and we'll still get to spend the night at a casino."

Suddenly, after that suggestion, the insults ceased. HC considered it for a long time. It was so shmelly-stupid, it had to work; he had set out that night to gamble, afterall, and the drive to Rama (on an EMPTY gas tank, mind you) just to SEE if Shmelly could get in would be the ultimate gamble of the night. Our west-bound car was wrenched north-bound and away we went.

Yet another hour spent in the car again quickly passed by, this time speeded by the out-loud plotting of HC, thinking of the things by which he could get revenge on Shmelly for his stupidness that night. As sorry as I felt for Shmelly as he received HC's wrath, I have to admit he deserved...he knew it too. That and it was funny. Not too long after having sought out a gas-station in the nick of time, we arrived in the parking lot of Casino Rama.

This time, HC and I stayed in the car while Shmelly walked in through the sliding doors alone to see if his plan would indeed work. As much as I wanted him to get in without getting carded so that we could actually DO something that night, I also in part wanted him to be rejected once more...firstly, to teach him a lesson for leaving behind his ID when he knew we were heading to a place they LOVE to check ages for admittance, and secondly, because the beating from HC that he would get upon returning to the car would be priceless. A minute passed after he disappeared behind those darkened doors...then two... Amazingly, a moment later we actually got the cell-phone signal that he'd made it and that it was safe to park and follow him in.

"I can't believe that actually worked. I can't believe the bastard got in!"

And so HC turned off the car--he had refused to wait in the cold, especially if he was just going to have to start driving again after a rejection--and he and I joined the shmelly Shmelly in the casino, finally, for a night of fun and games.

The biggest gamble of the night turned out to be the biggest winner afterall. Not only did we make to Rama with the gas light on, but we actually got in to play, despite Shmelly not being able to prove that he was actually allowed to be in there. In conclusion, Shmelly can be such a shmelly and due to this fact, Hero Cookie is more than welcome to make fun of him for the rest of his life about our adventure that night... ;)