You Wanna Be A What?

When people ask me what I want to do when I finish University, I tell them that I want to be a writer. And then when they ask me what I want to write, I tell them that I want to be a fictionalist. Mostly story stories or children's stories--I don't quite feel that I have a novel in me. And then they ask me why. Why? Because I like to write. I get a kick out of it. And just to prove it, I'm going to share a story that I wrote today while listening to my prof lecture about Emerson. Be nice, it's just for fun, and I haven't had time to edit it yet, and probably won't for a while cuz I'm off to volleyball after posting this. I'm hoping that one day this story will have pictures, but until then, use your imagination. Enjoy!

A Brief History of Family Ties

    Once upon a time, long, long ago, in a land far, far away, there was a place called Worklessity. In Worklessity, there was no such thing a job and no one there had to do any work. In fact, the only thing that anyone ever did in Worklessity was relax and play all day. Well, everyone played all day except for one family—the Boss family.
    The Bosses—Ma, Da, and Yor—were the only three people who ever did any work because they lived on the only farm in Worklessity and therefore they were the only source of food for the city. The Bosses liked their work and didn’t mind farming for and feeding everybody because there were only ten people who lived in Worklessity in total and so everyone lived happily.
    However, somehow the reputation of the city being a place where everyone could just play all day was spread around the world and suddenly, in one week, Worklessity’s population exploded from ten to one thousand!
    At first, the Bosses worked extra hard on their farm, making it bigger, planting and growing more food for all those new people. But after three days, the Bosses were exhausted and found that the farm was too big and busy for them to tend to by themselves. They were so tired, but they knew that people would starve without the food from their farm, so they decided to ask the citizens to help out with the work.
    First, Yor went from house to house, person to person, introducing himself and asking if anyone would help him work on the farm. Everyone laughed at him and rudely turned him away, each saying the same thing.
    “Yor Boss? We don’t want to work for Yor Boss. Go away, you’re interrupting our relaxing and playing.”
    And so, the Bosses were forced to work another day by themselves.
    The next day, Ma went from house to house, person to person, introducing herself and asking if anyone would help her work on the farm. Everyone laughed at her and rudely turned her away, each saying the same thing.
    “Ma Boss? We don’t want to work for Ma Boss; we didn’t even want to work for Yor Boss. Go away, you’re interrupting our relaxing and playing.”
    And so, the Bosses were forced to work another day by themselves.
    The next day, Da went from house to house, person to person, introducing himself and asking if anyone would help him work on the farm. Everyone laughed at him and rudely turned him away, each saying the same thing.
    “Da Boss? We didn’t want to work for Ma Boss or Yor Boss; why would we work for Da Boss? Go away, you’re interrupting our relaxing and playing.”
    And so, the Bosses were forced to work another day by themselves.
    At the end of the week, the Bosses were so tired that they couldn’t go on. They decided that they had to get the people to work, whether they wanted to or not, or else they would all starve. So the Bosses called a meeting and formed a plan.
    That night, while all the citizens of Worklessity were fast asleep, the Bosses snuck around and carried twenty people back to their farm. In the morning, those selected citizens woke up to find themselves in the fields of the Bosses’ farm. Each of those citizens were attached to a post in the dirt by a long cloth sash tied around their neck. Each of them tried to get the tie off, but they couldn’t—the ties were knotted in such a complicated way that they couldn’t figure out how to undo it.
    Before the citizens could start complaining, the Bosses appeared on top of a shed so that they could speak to all of the people in their field at once.
    “People, do not be angry!” Da said, “We brought you here because we needed help. We need you to help us work the fields. We are going to pay you for your work by having first choice at the food you produce, and don’t worry, at the end of the day, we will untie you from your posts and you can go home to play.” Some of the people in the field groaned, but some nodded that it was a fair trade. Ma continued to speak where Da had left off.
    “However, we still need help to feed everyone, so if no one shows up tomorrow to help work, we will have to sneak out and tie more people down again.” Finally, it was Yor’s turn to speak.
    “If you have any questions, please let us know. Just so that you all know who we are, I am Yor Boss. If I can’t answer your questions,” Yor pointed at Ma, “Ma Boss will be able to, and if she can’t, then,” Yor pointed at Da, “that’s Da Boss, and Da Boss will have the final say. Thanks for working for us.”
    And from that day forth, the Bosses never had any trouble finding workers ever again. Soon, because people thought it was so great to be able to have first choice of food after working, workers would show up early with their own ties around their necks so that they would be guaranteed a spot in the field—this way it would look like a Boss put them there first.
    Ever since the Bosses’ ingenious idea of tying people to their jobs, companies everywhere began to hire people who came with their own ties. Nowadays, of course, people still wear ties, though they no longer have to attach the other end to a pole near their work station. Needless to say, Da, Ma, Yor, and the subsequent generations of the Boss family were very successful in Worklessity for a long time, until their great-great-great-great-grandson had an epiphany, sold the family farm, and moved to Germany to start a new business supporting workers looking for jobs: Hugo started a work-clothing line, specializing in ties.