Dependable Part II

Though it's not exactly regarding the same topic as the other, it's still related.

In discussing the previous entry with my Roomie, we realized two other things. The first was that girls tend to respond well to positive enforcement. Throw in a few compliments (especially if you've never given them before) and she's a pile of goo in your arms. Show some appreciation for her point of view, and she'll trust you more than you've warranted. That little bit of softness from those otherwise hard-asses and she'll be blinded back into love. A little sad, but true.

The second thing we realized, was that girls love to believe they can change a guy. Give her a jerk-off, and she'll believe that she's the one destined to change him into that soft-hearted, teddy bear of a nice guy that she believes he's always wanted to be. And then, linking back to our first point, that's where it's a vicious circle that traps her with him. At the first sign of softness, she believes she's succeeding on her "make him nice" mission. Again, it's sadly true.

Hopefully girls who fall victim of believing she can change him, will realize soon enough that she can't; no one can.

Digression...you can't change anyone. They're who they are because that's who they are. To love someone, you have to love them for exactly who they are and everything that they are. If you don't like something about them, you're either going to have to accept it and get over it, or let go, because the probability that they're going to change is slim to none. It is my belief that you cannot change someone, and I know I'm not the only one to think this.

Changing someone requires more than you demanding it--that person has to want to change too. The key here being the want to change. It's easy to stop or start doing something because someone asks you to. But it's up to you to want to keep up that cessation or beginning over time. If that change doesn't mean enough to you to keep it up, you'll find yourself falling back into your old habits--and really, just being yourself--after enough time.

But then, if you decide that you want to make a change for yourself, then that's a different story. If you choose to take a suggestion and follow it because you believe it will better yourself, then just let anyone try to stop you from changing.

Examples?

Take swearing (what a weak example, I know). Let's say I cursed a blue streak in my everyday conversation. And then I meet a guy, who, a few months into our relationship asks me to cut it out. Blindedly infatuated and wanting to be compliant, I do. But if I don't feel the same, my jokes and stories don't have the same impact, and I just feel restricted, chances are that I'm going to revert back to at least a moderate amount of cursing; especially if I don't think a few four-lettered words ever hurt anyone. I tried, but it just wasn't me.

However, given the right motivation, perhaps I could choose to give it up and give it up permanently. What if I continued my blue-streaked conversations right up through the birth of my first child and found that my child's first word ever was a four-lettered one? Perhaps that would horrify me enough (it would) to make me change immediately and for good.

What a digression. The point? People don't change just because they're asked. They may attempt to, but the permanent changes don't happen unless that individual wants it for themselves. I think only once in my life have I ever witnessed someone change because they were asked to; what was asked and the person asking meant for a positive future, and she meant that much to him.

I won't ask for change. At least, I won't ask for change that can't be reasonably expected. I try not to. I know. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Oh, the real point--the one related to the beginning of the post--girls, don't blindly believe that you can change them. If it was that bad for so long, don't you think someone's already tried? Love him (her) for who he is, not what you wish he would be. That's how I do it.