Pick your poison

"My body misses your body."
...

The conversation that closed my working day was with someone I didn't even work with. Debating the position each of us were in in our single lives, it suddenly slid into place that we were both recovering addicts. Just as people can get addicted to partying, nicotine, alcohol, or drugs, they can just as easily find themselves addicted to being in a relationship.

Sure, it sounds ridiculous, but the more we threw the notion around, the more it made sense.

You start off as a normal person.
You start off easy; a few dates here and there.
Soon, you find that you like this new feeling that being part of a pair gives you, and you start spending whole evenings, days, weeks, immersed in this.
Suddenly, you discover that you're pouring lots of time, money, and effort into keeping this new sensation going (sure it's a poor investment, but it makes you feel great).
Friends start to notice that you've dropped from the scene, that you're not around as often being too involved in your relationship.
Family begins to call you, wondering where you are and how you're doing--if you need anything.
Up to a few years pass before you find that you've lost the love for it; you're in it out of habit and because your body and mind has just become accustomed to and dependent on the relationship.
You start to become inexplicably irritable and short tempered.
You decide it's time to give up the relationship.

You quit.

At first, you feel great, liberated even; you believe that you don't need a relationship and that you never did in the first place.
Some people make it out cold turkey, but others struggle.
If you don't make it out, you start to feel susceptible, inadequate.
Your first and strongest notion is to jump right back into a relationship--be it with the same person, or with the first new body to come along.
If you have a good support system of friends or family, they'll keep you out of it, but the moment you're alone, you start to doubt yourself, think too much about the things you used to do in a relationship.
You feel cold, alone.
The first few weeks, months, feel like an eternity of solitude while all you want to do is to hold hands, cuddle, and come home to someone's arms.
After those tough months, you finally start to remember what it's like to be on your own.
You call up your friends, spend time with your family.
You go out often.
You meet new people, forge new friendships.
You might even find that you reject a few offers for companionship.
You become yourself again, independent, fun, and free of the relationship.

Not so strange, once we thought about it. It was a lot of verbal spewage that seemed to make an amusing sort of sense.

As always, I know I'm a strong person when it comes to my sense of self, and I still am. I know I can go out do what I want, and come back alone and that's okay. I know I can go out, enjoy myself, and come back feeling independent. I know that with or without my support system, I can say no in the face of temptation. I know that I can go ahead, have some cake and eat it too with little to no guilt. I know that I am disciplined enough to not jump at any first opportunity to arise. I know I have more strength in regards to resisting the addiction of the relationship.

But sometimes I just want to be weak.