"Sign Your Life Away By Initialing Here, Here, and...Here, Please"

At work I do some data entry for our customer reward program. Basically, customers come into the theatre, fill out a form, and we give them a free card that gets the applicant discounts and free rewards for the movies that they watch. Pretty sweet deal, eh? I would think so. However, there are some numbskulls out there who ruin it not only for themselves, but for us CSRs that have to deal with them when they screw up.

Here's the program. Sign up. Show the card when you buy tickets. The card gets you ONE discount per card, and collects 2 points per ticket up to a maximum of 4 points per visit. Every 10 points, you get a free reward in the form of a coupon that you need to keep in order to redeem; it's either free popcorn, drinks, or movies. Sounds simple right? The ONLY hard part might be the fact that you have to physically have the card with you when you do all this. But still simple enough, right? Yeah, apparently it's not. If it IS simple, then at MY work, we somehow end up with all the dumbasses that can't (or in some cases neglect) to read the pamphlets or who don’t even try to find out more about the program. As a CSR, I end up having to deal with all the shit that these people can’t seem to understand themselves. What makes it worse is that it’s the same shit EVERYtime. Basically I have to deal with regular BMs everyday, and since I’m not a geriatrics nurse, I DON’T enjoy as much as some may think according to my perfected perpetual smile I ardorn for these occasions at work. A few of my favourite customer comments:

”How do I sign up for this card?”
Right over there at that table with the BRIGHT ORANGE BANNERS saying “Sign up for your free card here.”

”And how much does it cost to get this card?”
It’s free. I just said it a second ago. It says so on the sign. In BOLD font.

”I’ve filled out this form—what’s it for?”
So you went over the table with the bright orange banners, didn’t notice the sign, filled out a form without reading it, signed it, and now you’re just handing it to me without a clue what it’s for? Hold on, you’ve signed the wrong form, let me get the correct one for you…*deftly searches customer’s pockets for a blank cheque*

”I forgot to bring my card with me tonight, can you still give me my discount and points?”
I’m sorry, allow me to pull out a duplicate of your exact card with its exact account number out of my ass, and do that for you. No problem, dumbass.

"This program sucks--why doesn't this card get you anything good?"
I'm sorry. Next time I'll scrap the discount when creating a deal for my customers. Oh, and I'm sorry that the FREE rewards don't meet the expectations you had after READING THEM FROM THE PAMPHLET!!! Must be my fault entirely.

"I didn't read the pamphlet outlining this program and then I failed to listen to you explain it to me when you gave me my card so I threw out all my free rewards and keep missing my discounts. I think you should give me everything for free this time."
...*perpetual smile growing maniacal*...

And the list goes on. Basically, the only good part about this program is the fact that I get to enter in these numbskulls' forms into the computer. I get to know that Mina Soandso, born in 1934, has the email address of thug_killaz34@hotmail.com. Or I get to opt to have some customers to mysteriously check all of the boxes inviting spam and junk mail to their homes. Muahahahahaha! I mean, strange...