The Pen Is Mightier
(à la Sean Connery, SNL Celebrity Jeopardy)

A war has begun. The parties have been challenged, sides have been taken, and the gloves have come off. Before it is over, battles will be fought, won, and lost. Words will be exchanged, crossed-out (or erased if in pencil), and manipulated in ways never thought possible. People will be put down, typos will be scrutinized, and mothers will be insulted. Although the end is a long way off, you can be assured that there will emerge one victor--gloriously undisputed, heralded for her wit--one loser--despised, despicable, an insult to weblogs everywhere--and one hell of a lot of banana cake.

Pablo has declared that he has logbeef with me (see his January 21st entry). Logbeef (for those of you who still refuse to lower yourself to reading blogs such as Pablo's Xanga site and therefore are unfamiliar with what this term entails) is what he defines as:

...when there's beef between two (or more) people and instead of clapping each other (as per hoodbeef), they attack each other on their respective logs (entries, diaries, chronicles or whatever you f****ts want to call it). They make derogatory remarks on how it doesn't make sense, or how slow and stupid the entry is, or pointing out (very common) spelling and/or grammatical errors.

"Hoodbeef" and this particular use of the term "clapping" are also more clearly defined in the above mentioned entry of Pablo's. Oh, and I took the liberty of censuring Pablo's obscene use of language--if he really wanted people to be reading his blog, he shouldn't be using such profanity when referring to his readers.

It seems that Pablo took some offense to my entry in which I simply pointed out some amusing errors he made in typing his most current post at the time. In my defense, I am going to point out that I ADMITTED in that very entry that the errors he made were indeed typos--as in errors that any writer could have easily made and then overlooked. I also would like to point out that I made the effort to not smack-talk about his desperation to attract readers to his otherwise un-perused blog--I REFRAINED from stooping that low. Continuing, it would appear that Pablo neglected to notice my initial ENTHUSIASM regarding the fact that he had finally updated his page--the fact that I included an exclamation mark indicates that I had been anxiously awaiting more of his published wit to read.

The only reason that I decided to write such a teasing entry regarding Pablo's blog was that I knew that he was a clever writer himself and would be able to handle such jockeying. I figured him for a professional, witty author who would appreciate the fact that a fellow writer had taken notice of his blog, read it thoroughly, and had deemed it worthy of comment that, although it could have been considered derogatory, it also drew MORE attention to his blog and advertised its existence to the many other readers of my own page. I had decided that readers of my blog would also enjoy the sharp, sarcastic wit of Pablo's writing style that I believe only genius writers like myself have access to. I thought that my sarcastic, yet constructive criticism would be welcome in that it could advance his writing or give him more ideas to expand on. HOWEVER, it seems that all these points were overlooked by my professed nemesis, and so, the war is on. Logbeef is now being officially declared with the blogger known as donkey-ass lover Pablo.

As my first official assault on my enemy, I would like to offer the following attack:

Your mom.

And as a further, yet slight incursion, I would like to state that after my initial "typo" comments, Pablo's entries have been more or less typo-free.

I've gotten under your skin already, Pablo. Admit it. And I'm bettering you because of it. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

It has begun. By the end, we will indeed discover whose Pen Is mightier. Logbeef is ON...

p.s. Your mom. (hehehe)

p.p.s. Your mom again. (muahahahaha!)

p.p.p.s. Your mom! (I can't believe you read it AGAIN, Pablo! Sucker...)