Sunny stagnancy

Holy mofo. You'd think that with time off, I'd actually have plans to do things for myself, but...NO. After lunch in my Joe Boxers, I headed upstairs to my room. I packed my bag for my volleyball tourney tonight, and then flipped through a magazine. After that, I was lost. I've literally taken the time to stare at myself in the mirror, stare at the floor of my room, stare at the blank spots on my wall, and stare at the phone. I feel like being active, but I honestly don't know what to do.

Thinking more about it (while staring at the computer screen), it's not so much that I have nothing to do, but rather nothing I want to do. While staring in the mirror, I thought that maybe I could start trying to get a little more in shape for my upcoming trip...but nah. While staring at the floor of my room, I thought that maybe I could get out the vacuum and do a little cleaning...but nah. The walls of my room could be filled and friends could be called...but really, there's no motivation.

Perhaps knowing that now I have time to myself to do whatever I want, I'm taking my time to do it WHEN I want. But that still doesn't make me feel any better. I feel LAZY. Had it been summer, I might have taken off downtown to stroll the streets (probably by the NIKE store in search of the perfect hoodie) or visit the beach in hopes of joining in a beach game or two. Maybe it's the sun's fault for my not knowing what to do with myself today--because it was sunny out I figured I could be more active out of doors...but the truth is it's still too salty and icy to rollerblade on the streets, and so I remained inside. Stuffing my face with Bits and Bites. And Gummiworms. Yum. Having sat here for a bit, I think I'm now going to visit Narnia for a while...while sitting in the sunny spot on the couch.

Sans Pantaloons

Oh the weather out side might be frightful (though at 8 degreess out, that seems hardly the case) but the sun is streaming in though my kitchen window and softly keeping my legs warm as I'm cooking lunch in my underwear. I think this is the only thing keeping me from crawling back into bed until tournament time. :) That and my grumbling tummy.

A little a day keeps the blahs at bay

Nobody's posting anymore. The holidays are over, so what's the excuse? The after-holiday blahs. Captain Bitter at work explained this the best:

The holidays--for those who enjoy them--are all uplifting and stuff, and you get to go and see all your family and friends and give and get presents and party the season away. But then there's after. After the holidays, nobody gets to see anybody anymore. You have to go back to work, you realize you have no money, you have to pay off all those bills you racked up over the season, and you have no more excuses to party, and you're terribly hung over or sick anyway. Man, I can't wait until January 31st!

And that's Captain Bitter for you. I admit, I haven't written much myself, but that's mostly because I've been too busy or too exhausted to do so. You only get the "blahs" if you let yourself. I'm far from that. I make what I can of the little things--the little bit of sunshine this afternoon (it peeked out from under the cloud-line--the casual stroll down Bloor Street in the not-so-cold weather, the house that still had its tasteful Christmas lights up, the random comment made to me about having great "mommy-potential"...it's the little things that keep the blahs away.

What also helps keep the blahs away, are trips into the sunshine--DOMINICAN REPUBLIC, here I come!!! :)

Sore eyes

The hole in my heart is starting to grow and the panic is starting to set in. In a few hours what I was at first sure of will become quickly doubtful, and after that it will take every last ounce of my original conviction to keep me on the path I chose. Without all effort, I know I'll find myself tearing back down the road from which I came in search of a place all too familiar.

As much as change is good, it is terrifying at the same time.

The mantra by the end of the night told me that I was going to wake up one day to realize my mistake. I tell myself not to believe that to be true, but a part of me deep inside is screaming for me to see that it just might be.

Almost the words...

It's funny, how memories
Keep bringing you back to me
Just when I started to get myself together again
Thoughts of you
Come creeping in
Met at a party in June
Wasn't really tryin' to notice you
You looked at me with your sweet brown eyes
You walked up and said 'Hi'
Who would have known
That a love affair like ours would grow
Then slip away

Still miss that old school love
Not quite that do right love
Your love was fine
Never old time
You're steady on my mind
Still miss that old school love
Not quite the right one love
I don't want you back
But I'll never ever love the same way again
    --"Old School Love", Divine Brown

Found

Untitled--
It's been two days and already,
I miss you so much.
I love when we see each other every day;
It's when I'm the happiest.
In your arms,
Against you,
Touching you,
Kissing you,
Breathing you.
When we're apart I dream of those moments;
The happy joy that makes me smile
But at the same time makes me sad
Because we're not together right now
Sharing.
I know where you are and what you're doing,
And that I'll be seeing you soon,
But that's still too long for me.
I want to see you now.
Touch you now.
Breathe you now.
To see you tomorrow is too long,
To see you later is eternity.
The time it takes me to answer your knock
Is an infinite moment.
But once you're with me
The grains of sand are too quick
And the hours slip into seconds
And then we're apart again
And I'm alone.
And I'm sad.
I want to spend forever with you
And even that is still not long enough.
--2000(?)

Merry Happy Welcome Back

It's been so long I'm surprised I still remember how to work this thing.

November was spontaneous, December was non-stop, and January has just leapt upon me. Too much to bother even TRYING to recap in detail.

In November--the weekend after I last wrote, Sherman stole me away without my knowing it and took me to New York City. We spent the 2 whole days with Boobin seeing the sights, staying up late, and shopping! It was definitely a whirlwind adventure that I'd love to repeat. I still can't believe that Sherman managed to plan this whole thing and organize it without me knowing. It was awesome. I can only imagine what it was like for him to have to follow me around, cancelling all the plans I made for that weekend as I made them. I had to miss a whole TWO DAYS of volleyball for this trip! ...but it was worth it.

December--bluh.

Christmas...


...upon Christmas...


...upon Christmas...


...upon Christmas (click this one for more Boos). There was one more Christmas in there, but I wasn't feeling so hot so I wasn't on the ball with the camera. I don't think I stopped to breathe ONCE that whole month. But again, worth it. It's always nice to finally run into all those who you haven't seen all year. Things got hectic, plans got pushed back, gifts got delayed in the shuffle, but all in all, everything more or less worked out in the end. Lovely. I must admit that I was a little more than disappointed at the lack of a white Christmas this year. I was all hyped up when they announced that "winter snow storm" that was supposed to last for four days straight, "crippling" the city. Man was I peeved when it only snowed for half a day and all was cleared and already melting by the next morning. Poo.

One SHINING point in December came on Boxing Day when by fluke of happenstance, Sherman and I came across PLATINUM tickets for the Leafs game versus the Jersey Devils--we won of course. Anyway, whatever happened in the game didn't matter too much to me as I was just too blown away by the seats we'd come across for our FIRST Leafs game EVER. Take a look. What made it even better was that my co-worker who also worked at the ACC was working that day and sent us free beer and food to our seats. Lovely. However, now that we've gone, we can never go back. My first Leafs game was also my last. Why? How can you top that? Platinum seats, free beer and food. Anything else will be shite in comparison. Except the Leafs--they will always be superb.

Actually, now that I think about it, December wasn't all that bluh. Also in December, Gracu and I got tickets from my aunt last minute to see Bryan Adams in concert--on the eve of the big "snow storm," coincidentally. Anyway, we blindly jumped at the nose-bleed seats to see this free concert. When we got there, our seats turned out to be the second row from the top. Beautiful--when we stood up to move, our heads hit the roof of the ACC. But due to that fact, things could only get better...and boy did they. First off, while purchasing our $4 bottle of Coke, we discovered that Divine Brown was the opening act. And then, via a lot of hustling and bustling and some help from an old friend who happened to be ushering that night, we ended up STAGE SIDE for the whole Bryan Adams part of the concert. He was so close, he sweat on us, and when he walked by at the end, we could (and did) actually touch him. Money. Unfortunately, someone brilliantly decided not to bring her camera that night due to the original nose-bleed seating we were offered. Dumbass.

New Years? What did you do? Me, well, despite some misdirections and misunderstandings before and afterwards, I had an amazing time with Sherman, RoadTo, and Gracu, not to mention Boo, Gennie-boo, and about a BILLION other friends and acquaintances at the York Event Theatre. Not only did we finally manage to check our coats, but we actually caught the countdown, AND found time to drink ourselves into a silly stupor. Celebrate! But, guess who's the dumbass who forgot to bring her camera again? Uber-dumbass. Phrase of the night: "Piss and go, ladies! PISS and GO!"

(We'll just borrow this picture from Boo's photo album...)

And here I am--January. A new year, a new start. Time to start fresh and true. Sometimes it's so hard to do.