Quote of the Moment:
"...those who cause the greatest pain, speak the kindest."
    --Fanny Howe, Indivisible
...

From now on, if I like you, you are not allowed to speak kindly to me for fear of you causing me pain. Don't cause me pain. I couldn't take it if I liked you. If I don't like you, on the other hand, profanity is MORE than welcome. :p

As I was walking to class today from my not-so-godawful far parking spot in the outer-parking lot, I caught a whiff of something in the air. I realized I was walking directly downwind of a guy that STANK! It was bad enough to make me hold my breath, pinch my nose, and break into an almost run in an attempt to just get ahead of him so I wouldn't have to have him wafting my way. All I could think about was how I wanted to buy this guy a stick of deodorant and maybe even a bottle of the knock-off colognes they were selling in the Meeting Place today...frickin' guy...

omg. Choose Your Own Adventure Porn actually exists! Knee-boy (ew) brought it to my attention that there exists a porn company that you can call and tell them what you want to happen, and basically, they'll make you a custom porn movie--JUST for you! You pick the plot, the actors/actresses (down to the size, colour, poofy-hair, fingernail polish, etc.), costumes, and setting. Apparently, someone (true story!) phoned in and asked for 2 hours of just girls seductively picking at their lint-filled bellybuttons. Mmmm...sexy! (my god, where do these people come from?!) And another one was just 2 hours of girls spanking each other--no sex, just spanking. Whew...sure turns your crank, doesn't it? Anyway, these custom videos cost $2000 U.S.D, give or take the complexity--I'm sure the above described videos cost the callers a bundle! :p So uh...what's that number again, Knee-boy?

Most people hate Mondays. However, as these last 3 weeks have progressed, I'm finding that I myself am growing less and less fond of Sundays. It's not because I don't get to sleep in--because I do; it's not because I have to go to class--because I don't; it's because I have to say goodbye to the one I'm CRAZY about for yet another long stretch of 4 and a 1/2 days. I MISS YOU ALREADY HUN-GEE!!!

As I was walking to class today from my godawfully far parking spot in the outer-OUTER-parking lot, I caught a whiff of something sweet in the air. I realized I was walking directly downwind of a guy wearing Swiss Army cologne; the ORIGINAL Swiss Army cologne; the GOOD Swiss Army cologne. So as he waddled (he was a little short...) and I walked; as he wafted and I whiffed, all I could think about was how damn GOOD that cologne smelled and how it stirred some animalistic craving in me...frickin' guy...

"Save your money and call the Caribbean by dialing..."
"Hi, I'm Alice, and LavaLife lets me leave messages for guys like..."
"Sign up for OnLine-Tel's premium long distance package today..."
"Did you know that here at the Labatt brewery..."
Okay LabattBlueLine, I've signed up and given you all my information, I've punched in all the numbers, I've listened to all your cute little ads, and I know you're a free service and all, but WHY THE HELL DOESN'T THIS THING WORK HALF THE FREAKIN' TIME?!?!
...oh wait...it's dialing now...

Ill-kent and I were talking the other night and came up with this year's new series of bestsellers. The series name? "Choose Your Own Adventure Porn." It's ingenious I tell you, simply ingenious! Ill-kent and I are going to make millions! And who wouldn't want to buy "Choose Your Own Adventure Porn"? Come on--for some out there, it's gotta be better than any date they've gone on. And the best part about these pseudo-dates? If you make a mistake, you just backtrack and do it again and again until you've got it right!

You hear soft music as you enter the bedroom and are met with pillars upon pillars of lit, glowing candles. You see her lying there on the black satin sheets, wearing a little red negligee and black stilettos--handcuffs in her teeth and a cat-o'-nine-tails at her feet. A bottle of wine and two wine glasses are waiting by the door...
    - If you smile slyly, close the door behind you and start taking off your jacket, turn to page 17
    - If you decide to admit to her that you're not a lesbian and must have wandered into the wrong hotel room, turn to page 8

I guess that's one of the tougher choices you'd be faced with in this particular episode, although with those handcuffs and nine tails, I wonder if you'd get away with telling her you weren't interested...