Ill-kent and I were talking the other night and came up with this year's new series of bestsellers. The series name? "Choose Your Own Adventure Porn." It's ingenious I tell you, simply ingenious! Ill-kent and I are going to make millions! And who wouldn't want to buy "Choose Your Own Adventure Porn"? Come on--for some out there, it's gotta be better than any date they've gone on. And the best part about these pseudo-dates? If you make a mistake, you just backtrack and do it again and again until you've got it right!

You hear soft music as you enter the bedroom and are met with pillars upon pillars of lit, glowing candles. You see her lying there on the black satin sheets, wearing a little red negligee and black stilettos--handcuffs in her teeth and a cat-o'-nine-tails at her feet. A bottle of wine and two wine glasses are waiting by the door...
    - If you smile slyly, close the door behind you and start taking off your jacket, turn to page 17
    - If you decide to admit to her that you're not a lesbian and must have wandered into the wrong hotel room, turn to page 8

I guess that's one of the tougher choices you'd be faced with in this particular episode, although with those handcuffs and nine tails, I wonder if you'd get away with telling her you weren't interested...