Subway scribbles

June 18, 2008

Not quite sure how I managed it, but somehow when scooting onto the subway today, I found myself on a car filled with only men. Good thing guys have never scared me--it's always been the other way around.
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Skidooche.
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Two days before the official start to summer and I'm cold. Was it always this way? Maybe when I was younger I was just ignorant of the weather changes, too busy plowing head-first through every day. If so, maybe ignorance was indeed bliss.
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Like learning to walk again after an injury, I'm slowly regaining the motions of writing. I was never scared and yet I found myself hesitating. It won't be long before you find me off and writing again at a full gallop, fearlessly striding into the wind that rushes against me.
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Stopped. I wonder if claustrophobics could handle such an experience.
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I've changed my mind. I like being needed. I want to be an everything.

I want to hold you and I want to say

That you are all that I need
Oh you, I give my soul to keep
You see me, love me, just the way I am
I said for you, I am a better man

You are the reason
For everything that I do
I'd be lost, so lost without you
    --"Better Man," James Morrison

I melted a little, but no one paid me any mind.
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The Antithesis of Donne
Once upon a time there lived a boy. For his whole life, this boy lived on his own. He took care of himself, taught himself, fed himself, protected himself. And one day, a girl came along. This girl came along and fell in love with this boy and swore she would take care of him, teach him, feed him, and protect him. As wonderfully generous and genuine as this girl was with her promising offer to him, the boy pushed her away. He has spent his whole life all on his own, that he couldn't understand what it was to let someone else in to love him and care for him and support him. It hurt the girl worse than anything to come before, but she saw that he would never be able to trust anyone else to share in his life, so she left, heartbroken, knowing she would never love another as she loved that boy who couldn't let anyone in.