Drafts

I know there's been a drastic reduction in the number of posts to my blog as of late. But then, how often does it happen that a girl's inspired in her life to write more often in a single month than she has in nearly an entire year? In my defence, I just want you to know that it's not for a lack of trying. I've had all these thoughts that I've wanted to get around to expanding and then sharing, but lately, work's been so crazy that by the time Jenny and I get some alone time, I have nothing left.

However, taking a moment for inventory and to gather my thoughts, I realize that I have more than a few of those inspired moments jotted down here and there as reminders for when it's not so hectic; saved in my drafts, in my email, on the backs of receipts. Regardless of whether I actually get around to completing these thoughts, I'm sharing. Each break is another found-thought in no particular order.

i've fallen into every cliche there ever was about love

Sausages with balls. Ick.

You don't want to know

Relationship rant--don't do it. You can't choose your family, but you can choose who you spend your life with.

I am of the belief that I am in the middle of co-authoring one of the greatest love stories ever known to man.

we held on tight like hungry lovers.

In the Car

Avril: So are we good for movie night this Sunday?
Me: I don't know yet...
Dimps: Why? Is it because you have a DATE?!
M: well...
D: I can't believe we're getting ditched...
A: *whispers* It's okay!
D: ...for a GUY?!?
A: *still whispering so Dimps can't hear* It's totally okay!
D: AVRIL!!!
A: What? hahahahahah

Quote of the Moment:

"If you kids don't behave, I'm sending you to Auntie Dimps's!!!"
    --Avril, sharing her ultimate threat to her future children
...

I'm alive, and surprisingly well. I've just not had the time to blog. I miss it. Perhaps I shall have to make some in between my slave-labour hours, volleyball, and trying to get myself in order for the next week and a half. I can't wait for vacation.

Quote of the Moment:

"It's like finding out my favourite love song was written about a sandwich."
    --Katherine Heigl, 27 Dresses

"Choice"

I spent the day working hard, but also carrying on an email conversation with my mother today. I was going to cut and paste excerpts from it--who knew my mother and I could such amusing exchanges--but then I realized that the ones I wanted to use were too incriminating and even fake-names wouldn't be enough to hide that fact. :D

Basically, what started off as a forwarded "Car for sale" message quickly turned into the latest family gossip and rants and raves which included a few choice phrases from mom:

    "... see if he'll toss in a few Gs!"
    "I don't have to tell him that you said that - I just have to forward this to him."
    "...what kind of bullshit is that?"
    "..can't wait! NOT! How stupid is that?
    "When you did the *roll eyes* thing - did they roll all the way to the back? Did it hurt much?"

I'd post my choice phrases, but really, after reading mom's, mine kind of pale in comparison. The summary of our conversation: we're thinking about the car, but barely living with the fact that you can't choose your family. :)

Song of the Moment: "I Belong to You" - Lenny Kravitz

You are the flame in my heart
You light my way in the dark
You are the ultimate star

You pick me up from above
Your unconditional love
Takes me to paradise

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

You make me feel so divine
Your soul and mine are entwined
Before you I was blind

But since I've opened my eyes
And with you there's no disguise
So I could open up my mind

I always loved you from the start
But I could not figure out
That I had to do it everyday

So I put away the fight
Now I'm gonna live my life
Giving you the most in every way

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Love/Hate

Talk about love and hate.

It's been 4 weeks away, 4 turkeys eaten, 3 weeks catered lunches, 3 hangovers, 2 weeks on lack of sleep, 1 hard core practice, and now it's back to volleyball.

My eyes have never been so happy to be in glasses instead of contacts.
My body has never been so angry with me; it aches to breathe.

My physical being is hating it.
My soul is lost in love.

Because it's volleyball...

Song of the Moment: "Bleeding Love" - Leona Lewis

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I...

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I...

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I...
...

Ok, I want to go home now!
Seriously. My brain’s already left the building.
My brain never showed up for work today.
LOL that explains a lot….hahahahaha
...

It's Friday and I'm having a love/hate relationship with that fact...that's not supposed to happen. If only it were tomorrow. Fast-forward

The Foregone Conclusion

7:00
Indian food.

"The poor boy doesn't stand a chance." Her words, not mine.

"I'll be driving the big work truck."
*sigh*
Where have I heard that one before? I thought we were done with the truck-truck...

I'm not being mean, am I? I've just got my eyes wide open and this is just too familiar a sight. What was once endearing is no longer; I've already grown up.

Err...

    "Maybe I won't go to practice because I cough a lot when I breathe heavy."
    "Err..."
    "Not that I've been breathing heavy for any reason lately!"
    "Uhh..."
    "I just know that I cough when I breathe heavy, and running makes me breathe heavy, and I know that they'll make me run at practice!"
    "...right. Nice save!"
    *eruption of laughter*

    *phone intercom beep*
    "What's so funny back there?!"
    "Nothing! Nothing to do with breathing heavy!!!"
    "Err...whatever."
    *click*

Her

    "So that's it."
    "Wow. I love going out with you--it's better than going out to watch movies. I'll call you."
    "You're not going to scold me?"
    "No."
    "No?"
    "If you needed scolding, I'd be the first one in line. You don't need it."
    "Are you sure?"
    "It's me."
    "I love you."
    "I know."

Random-u!

    "That would be so awesome to be able to say that; 'I'm Obama's mama.'"
    *laughs*
    "No really, let's take a moment to let that sink in; Obama's mama."

Refreshing

Tonight would have been a perfect night to runaway. The air was warm enough to not drive you inside; you could start a journey. The night was cool enough to feel crisp and fresh--to make you feel alive. The rain was falling just gently enough that you weren't drenched, but you felt like what worry you wanted gone was being washed away. A clean start. A deep sigh of relief. A moment of clarity. I didn't runaway, but I felt better.
...

There was a stranger in my car tonight. At least, it felt that way. There were so many words swimming around in the air between us tonight, but neither of us made an attempt to catch them to use them. It was probably for the better. If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all. That's not exactly it, but it's pretty close. Isn't there such a thing as small talk anymore? If you're going to get personal, then at least try to know me before you judge me. I can't believe you still don't know me after all that time. There are some people who just know, and there are some who will never. I love those who do. I try to forgive those who won't but insist on trying beyond their reach.

I just know.

Song of the Moment: "Since You've Been Gone" - Theory of a Dead Man

It seems that nothing ever goes my way
Since you broke my heart when you left that day
There's nowhere to go so just stay with me
'Cause since you've been gone, I've been begging you please

To tell me you're not alright
And you needed to come home
(Since you've been gone)
To tell me you're not okay
And you needed me all along
Since you've been gone
I need to hear from you
Since you've been gone

It seems that every time you swear to God that you're leaving
I'm down on my knees begging you to stay
There's nowhere to go so just stay with me
'Cause since you've been gone, I've been begging you please

To tell me you're not alright
And you needed to come home
(Since you've been gone)
To tell me you're not okay
And you needed me all along
Since you've been gone

Please don't leave me here alone
Just stay awhile and make me smile
Please don't leave me here alone
Just stay awhile, baby smile

Since you've been gone, I need to hear from you
Since you've been gone, I need to hear you say

Tell me you're not alright
And you needed to come home
(Since you've been gone)
Tell me you're not okay
And you needed me all along
Since you've been gone
I need to hear you say
Since you've been gone
Don't tell me, don't tell me
I need to hear you say

Hit it home

    "I just couldn't understand the logic."
    "I know what you mean. It's like 'Why don't you fix you first, before you fix me?' Whoa. That just hit home."
    "Yeah...that did. Wait, home for you? Or home for me?"
    "Home for me. Ouch."
    "But home for me too. Ouch."
    "Not me. She doesn't need fixing."
...

    "I love him. Fuck."
...

Sometimes it's strange to hear both sides of the story. Too much information. But then, I realize that I'd rather hear both sides than just my own. I will not take these things for granted; I'll take the good and the bad and whatever I can get and hold onto it for everything that it is and consider myself lucky.

Quote of the Moment:

"Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must, just never give up."
    --Dean Karnazes

Adam the AirConditioning Guy

How to pare the story of Adam the Air Conditioning Guy down?

I first started working here as the receptionist, last summer. Adam the ACG would come in for me to sign work papers and stuff, and we'd talk a bit, flirt a bit. He was in the building (though not our office) for a few weeks. Everytime he'd pass by the office door, I might look up, and he might smile. During one of his visits, the lines were: "I should take you out for lunch some time." "You should." and then nothing. Summer was over, I was gone.

Over the time I've been back at the office, it's usually been another guy doing the maintenance and stuff and I've never really thought much of it. And then the last few days, it's been Adam again. Today, I had to go just out of the office to check out our door plaque so I could order another one, and he was out in the lobby, banging at something loudly with a hammer. At first, I ignored him because I didn't realize it was him, but when I turned back to go into the office, he looked up. When I recognized him, I was my usual saucy-self and just put a finger to my lips and told him to "shush", though admittedly fairly coyly.

"Hey."
"Hey. Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year to you too."

And with that I smiled and disappeared into the office. I swooned a little for the girls. Next thing I knew, K-Mart was hopping up and down in my office.

"HE'S HERE!!! He's ASKING for YOU!!!"

Next, Lutka arrived, and I found myself being literally dragged to my feet and shoved down the halls to meet him at the front reception area. He asked if I had a moment, I said I did, and we spoke outside.

"I was thinking I should take you up on your lunch offer."
"Really? Okay."

And so he took my number. I told him I was busy today, and this weekend, so he might call me next week.

BAH!

Thinking

Maybe you should return the table; you know, wait till it goes on sale and not take the store model.

mel, get off the ride.

If it's going to happen, stand back and just let it happen.
...

It's bad enough being alone with my own thoughts. At least some of them smile through their thoughts. Where's the rest of that wine...maybe if I drink it all tonight, I can sleep, dream, and then wake up sober.

She's not getting on the plane--and I'm cheering.

If not yet for the three of us, then at least for one.

Happy New Year

hahaha. What a new one it is. I'm still reeling from the loads of work over the holidays. My work/social schedule was so crazy, I'm still not sure what year this is, let alone what day!

So, before the moment eludes me completely, Happy New Year to you and yours, and best wishes for you all.

Won't stop

Last night feels like a dream I've been forced to wake from. I wish sometimes that I could curl up and sleep forever with warm, un-squeamish feet.