Dedication

Song of the Moment: "Beautiful Disaster" - Kelly Clarkson

He drowns in his dreams
an exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
more heaven than a heart could hold

And if I tried to save him
my hole world could cave in
It just ain't right
oh it just ain't right

But when I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
such a beautiful disaster

If I could hold on
through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
as strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
more damage than a soul should see

And do I try to change him
so hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
baby hold on tight

I'm long for love and the logical
but he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
waiting so long

He's soft to the touch
but frayed at the ends he breaks
He's never enough
and still he's more than I can take
...

He's magic and myth / as strong as what I believe / A tragedy with / more damage than a soul should see

Listening to this song today, I couldn't help but think of my friend, the Gypsy when this line came up. His soul has seen so much tragedy over the last two months that it's hard not to hurt for him. I'd like to believe that he's strong enough to make it through this horribly tough time in his life, but to lose so much and to be beaten so badly in the ways that he has been is too much for one person to bear alone--and yet, there he goes. There he goes, but only just barely. I have my own friends and my own support system so that I know that I'll never be truly alone, but as far as I know, he has no one. No one. That is a tragedy within itself.

It's supposed to be snowy, dammit!

Winter's finally made his appearance (Winter here is being personified as a man not because of the popular "Old Man Winter", but because only a man could be so cruelly cold). My car is struggling to start, I kick myself if I ever forget a single piece of my winter wear, and my boogers freeze the moment I set foot outside.

I was thinking of trying to leave my coat in the car and make a run for the Science Centre today as Sherman and I went to see Body Worlds 2, but the gusts of wind bullying my car off its straight course down the road advised me otherwise. The really big and cool metal i-beam thermometer outside the Science Centre told us it was only -6 outside, but my freezing extremities were telling me otherwise as I sprinted to the safety of my CRV.

I used to think we Canadians were tougher than all other cold weather inhabitants of the globe. Stories have been circled where friends have wandered Chicago or other Northern States in just toques and hoodies and have only had to flash the Maple Leaf emblem on their shirts to explain their light outdoor attire compared to everyone else's winter parkas, gloves, scarves, and boots. But what with the unusually tepid temperatures this winter, my natural Canadian Cold-shield has been weakened and I'm feeling the effects of even the slightest chill nowadays. I suck. However, as weakened as my cold-shield already is, I'm totally going to demolish what little insensitivity to the cold I have left when I leave for the Dominican. It's a risk I'm just going to have to take...and that's okay by me.

Go see Body Worlds 2 at the Science Centre. The exhibit itself is fairly small, but the displays they have are creepily mind-blowing (I actually held onto someone's once functional liver!) and of course one-of-a-kind. Make a day of it. Take the two hours in the exhibit, and then spend the rest of your time remembering what it was like to be a kid, wowed by the simple wonders of science.

I wonder if he's cold?

Glued to the tube

How could anyone NOT like this show? Brodder got me addicted, I got Señorita addicted, she got AJ addicted...the line could go on and on.

I got my hands on the second season last night (finally!) and spent 5 hours last night watching 2 DVDs of it. Well, actually, I watched the last DVD of the first season, and then the first DVD of the second season. All was worth it. If tonight's dinner/movie/poker plans fall through, then you know where to find me--in front of the TV watching Scrubs. Actually, even if the plans DO go through, you'll probably find me sitting there afterwards anyway.

Does anyone want to give me a cushy job?

The Blues, Man

I want to go again!
...

All I wanted to do tonight was go out for a coffee and catch up with some friends. Apparently that was a little too much to ask. Poo.

Saved by the rainy day

I caught myself grumbling over every aspect of the rain today. I woke up this morning and it was gloomy and grey and wet outside, and yet I still had appointments to keep. I went out and carefully made my way down the icy driveway, managed to get the cardoor safely open, but still managed to slip and bang my knee brutally against the doorframe. I started the car only to notice that the car was indeed iced over too much to drive and so I had to get back out and scrape it off.

The rain knocked the power out on Queen Street and I had to avoid all of the stalled streetcars. Due to the hydro workers, all the roads leading to where I wanted to go were blocked off. My hands froze as I struggled to keep my umbrella upright and braced against the rain and wind. My jeans ended up being soaked up to my calves in rainwater--icy cold rainwater.

I couldn't see the lines on the road clearly, and apparently neither could any of the other drivers as I spent less time driving and more time avoiding other cars. Traffic sucked. I froze as I filled up my gas tank. I had to take a second attempt at parking in my driveway because the rain outside had fogged up my windows inside and I couldn't see.

And then, in the moment between me pulling the parking brake and actually turning off the car, it hit me:
          I used to love the rain.
I used to love staying inside all day and watching the rain fall outside. I'd turn on some good music, stir up a hot drink, and curl up with my journal or my current read and let the droplets softly tick against to windowpane. Every so often I'd look up from my words to watch the drops race down the panes, warping the world outside into a beautiful yet familiar abstraction.

I used to love taking long drives in the rain. Again I'd turn the music on, and just let the road and my thoughts take me wherever and as far away as they could. Like a moving picture, the world would rush by me, accompanied by a soundtrack to make the mood as mellow or as melancholy as I'd like to imagine it to be.

I used to just take walks in the rain. Without an umbrella, the rain would run down my hair and face like a soft caress of someone who understands. Alone with my thoughts I could delve into the issues that needed consideration at the moment, having only the occasional distant splashing to distract me.

I'd forgotten about all of that I used to love about rainy days. I don't know why. Maybe I grew up. Maybe I matured. Maybe I became responsible. Whatever the reason, I'm sorry that I forgot.

Now I remember!!!

I was struggling so hard to remember the generic, non-denominational way to wish everyone a Happy Holiday without saying "Happy Holidays" over the month of December.

Happy Christmahanukwanza!

I feel better now. Happy belated Christmahanukwanza, everyone!

Retail Therapy

I was first introduced to this term by Dimps. Amazing how a little of this sort of therapy can absolutely turn your mood right around. Everyone knows what it is, and everyone's used it at some point or another--what can you say except that it works?

Although it implies it, retail therapy and the comfort that it brings still cannot quite coerce me into believing that happiness can be bought. Temporary belief, perhaps, but not happiness. Happiness is when you take what you collected during your therapy and find a good way to put it all to use. Like using the hood on your most perfect zip-up to keep your head warm and the homeless away (what would be the PC term for those kind of people anyway?).

It wasn't sunny out today, but it was warm enough. Winter's not so bad after all.