Fine Finer print

***Author's note: I have nothing but respect for the late Ho Chi Minh and the edifice that is his mausoleum.  My visit into and through the mausoleum was a very respectful and solemn experience.  This story is about the people and procedures surrounding the mausoleum itself, and all that was lost in translation.***

Wanting to be able to cross the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum off the list of things to see, we made a beeline for it after checking out of our Hanoi Hotel.  We were stopped outside of the gates and herded into a double file line.

   "I guess this is the line-up before the line-up?"

When the appropriate number of us had spend the appropriate amount of time waiting in the appropriate double file line, we were allowed to enter the grounds.  Having read up on the site in advance, I knew we were not allowed to take any belongings into the mausoleum and that there was a free baggage check to accommodate this, so as soon as I spotted the baggage check inside the gates, I headed straight for it and left others to wander towards the start of the next line-up to get in.

First at the baggage window, I could clearly see the sign that told me "NO CHARGE" to check my belongings.  So why was it that the lady behind the counter was demanding 5000 VND from me?  But at that moment, the rest of the crowd had caught on and were all pushing and shoving all around me.  I guess by then they had all taken note of the giant notice sign just inside the gate:

and they realized they had weapons and/or "germstones" to check in.  One lady in particular--holding onto the strap as a tether--THREW her purse over my shoulder so that it landed on the counter in front of my own bag.  Headache forming amid the chaos, I threw the attendant the 5000 VND just so I could escape, but loudly questioned to myself,

   "What part of 'NO CHARGE' exactly did I not understand?  5000 VND does not mean 'NO CHARGE.'"

Bags checked, we headed to the (real) line-up.  This was a covered pathway while rails on either side that guided us to the x-ray machines and metal detectors.  With the crowd rushing to catch-up behind us, we hurried down the pathway to secure our spot in the (again) double-file line.

Or so I thought.

Watching the line creep along ahead of us, I became aware of a person hovering close behind me to my right.  A discreet glance told me it was the woman who had thrown her purse.  I couldn't believe it. There was no way she'd managed to check her bag, pay her money, and beat the rest of the people to be in line right behind me.  So I watched her.  She was anxiously glancing over me to the front of the line, edging her way ever closer to me; I believed she was trying to edge her way past me.  Defensive of my spot in line, I shifted my weight and took a wider stance with my legs, while putting my hands on my hips in an attempt to spread myself out as widely as possible.  Now there was no way to get between me and the railing on my right, while my left side was protected by the presence of other people.

Satisfied with my efforts to block her, I turned to look directly at her.  She didn't make eye contact with me - she was too busy hopping over the railing and scurrying up to the metal detectors.  My hope that she would be caught and sent to the back of the line was dashed when the security guard who noticed her simply fed her back into the line-up--at the front of the line.

Incredulous, from then on I wouldn't shut up about how "no charge" wasn't "no charge" and a line-up wasn't a line-up.  Another tourist (also Canadian) heard me and joined in on the laughter--until we were shushed by one of the guards.  In a lower tone, she explained that she'd overheard my initial complaint about the 5000 VND back at the baggage window and had questioned it herself when it came to be her turn.  Apparently, baggage check was indeed free of charge, but the site map/brochure was 5000 VND.

   "But I didn't even get a brochure!"

We were promptly shushed again.

After we'd proceeded through the serious part of the reason we were there in the first place (though the other tourist had to be told three times to keep her hands out of her pockets), introductions were made and more laughs were had.

   "Canadians are really funny, aren't they?"

While I never saw the purse lady again (probably because there were no more line-up for her to skip), we managed to get our 5000 VND back for not having received the crappy brochure in the first place.  So NO CHARGE really does mean NO CHARGE afterall--we'd just failed to read the invisible print.