To set me free

Truth. That's all I need. That's all I want. To hear the truth, to tell the truth, to be true to myself.

I understand that sometimes the truth can hurt, but more often than not, it hurts me more to keep the truth from coming out. Even if you never lie, you'll find yourself trying to keep track of the truths you didn't tell.
...

My birthday's in a couple of weeks. Like Dimps, I've been having a little trouble with keeping track of the countdown this year. It's not because I'm afraid of my age, I'm afraid of the celebration.
...

I can't remember the last time I was this quiet.

Still looking

Of all the people in the world, of all the people that you're convinced are chasing after my affection, I chose you. It's you I want, it's you I'm with. I don't know what else to do to make you believe that. It's you I love. You and no one else.
...

Sometimes, even when you love someone with all of your heart, it still isn't quite enough. And it's not anyone's fault. Sometimes the one you love so much just needs more, and you just can't give it to them if you tried. Sometimes the way that you love with your all, isn't the way that you're supposed to be loving. Sometimes your idea of love just doesn't match the other's idea. And that's okay. But in order for it really to be okay, is for the two of you to realize that all of that love may be beautiful, but it isn't enough to keep going. And it's no one's fault. It happens. No one ever said it was going to be easy.

So far, it's been that there wasn't enough, that it wasn't the right way, that it just wasn't, and that it didn't match. And while I realized it was okay, I think I was the only one who did. It wasn't easy, but I still believe.

Departures

At some ungodly hour of the morning today, I found myself awake, trying to peer through the condensation on my car windows as I picked up a friend to drive him to the airport. I am not a morning person. I am not one who likes to be early. And yet there I was, up before the sun, racing to get him onto his flight. Because while I’m not one to be early, not one to like leaving my bed before having to, I AM one to who believes in having a ride to the airport.

Perhaps there’s a bit of it that’s morbid thinking, but for the most part, who wants to leave home feeling that no one noticed that you were gone? With someone there to see you to the departures gate, you have a real farewell of a sort, even if it’s not necessarily the most intimate one. Someone was there to make sure you got there safely, to wish you well, and to tell you that they’d see you again soon. What if --and here’s the negatively-thinking part--what if the last person you sat in a car with and said goodbye to was the anonymous limo driver you’d never see again anyway?

And then there’s the coming home. My favourite time to come home from being away is when being picked up by the one I love. My dear family is always there to get me should I need, and always ever curious as to how my trip was, but it’s not the same greeting as when greeted by Him. When He’s there to welcome me home, it’s an all-enveloping hug--both arms and legs-—and deep, I-needed-you-kiss...luggage left unattended and some distance away to allow for the running start. It’s my favourite gesture to remind me just how good it is to be home again.

While that’s my favourite time to come home, I can only imagine that it would be for anyone else. And that’s why, while I may not be that Her for any of them, I’ll head to the airport anytime I can, for anyone that may need it—for anyone who may need a warm welcome home.


...

I was in PEI this past weekend; I watched two close, personal friends get married.

I came into my office yesterday to a weeping officemate—-her sister just announced she was pregnant.

Tonight, I’m going to spend an evening with some of my best and longest-time friends, some who are married, all who are in couples.

...tick...tick...tick...
...

How do you even begin to get the toothpaste back into the tube after it’s been squeezed too hard?

I stick by it; I'd rather know than not.

Point duly noted

    "Relationships always work better when the guy is more in love with the girl than the other way around."

With feeling

    "Would you come back for me?"
    "Yes."
    "Would you be able to stay away?"
    "No."
...

Most of the time, it's not about the words. It's about the sound of need in a person's voice.
...

    "Don't cry, you'll make me cry."
    "...don't cry..."
...

And sometimes all you need is someone's voice to waver before you crack yourself.

The moment

Blogs--journals, for that matter--are made up of moments in time. Each entry is a snapshot of a moment of emotions and experiences and thoughts. What may be true one moment may be null the next, but once in a while those flashpoint feelings make it to the page and are there to be remembered, even if the author's already forgotten.

This moment is about me forgetting all the stresses that followed me home and that await me upon my return to the real world, and about me finding an unwinding second, listening to the sound of the rain and writing about it as I so love to do.

On repeat

    "Ugh, I'm going to make myself cry!"
    "I know! I love this song."
    "It's soooooooooo...argh! ...can we play it again?"
    "YES."
...

He sits there with his guitar and without warning, croons only the following lyrics to you:

You are the reason
For everything that I do
I'd be lost, so lost without you...

A winning Wednesday combination

"I want gaspacho. Ugh; beer and soup?"
"I'm having wine and fries."
"True."

Monday moods

    "Today's one of those days that I really just want to fuck off and talk about my feelings."

    "...because you're usually the rock everyone turns to for stability, but then when you crumble, who do you lean on? What do they do?"
...

I've been struck with a sudden urge to become domesticated. Not for the reason that I want to be tamed, but rather because I want to wildly use up more operational capacity.

Different MC, same slogan

Priceless.

Love is priceless. True love is worth more than money. Any amount. If money is what keeps you apart, then you don't love enough.
...

"The Last Goodbye" - James Morrison

I don't believe you
And I never will
Oh I can't live by your side
with the lies you've tried to instil
I can't take anymore,
I don't have to give you a reason
For leaving this time
Cos this is my last goodbye

It's like I hardly know you
but maybe I never did
It's like every emotion you showed me
you kept well hid
and every true word that you ever spoke
was really deceiving
Now I'm leaving this time
cos this is my last goodbye

I've gotta turn and walk away
I don't have anything left to say
I haven't already said before
and I've grown tired of being used
and I'm sick and tired of being accused
Now I'm walking away from you
and I'm not coming back
...

White guys with guitars have the ability to either cheer you up, or make you cry. Both options are always open.

Wishing

One down, nine-hundred, ninety-nine to go. I already know it'll be worth it.