I just wanna bang on the drums all day

...or rock on the guitar instead. Either way, I'd rather be playing ROCK BAND than anything else like sleeping, eating, drinking...

Brodder opened it and set it up just today. We played a couple of songs before we went to dinner, and then settled in for the long haul when we got back. We even got dad to sit and sing for our band a while--95% on the first try! But then we decided we needed to get down to the grind, go on a tour, and unlock some songs after the first 7 or so got played-out (is that really possible?). And so, of the 58 songs on the tour, I think we plowed through 38-40 of them tonight; me on the guitar, Brodder on the drums. Dad tapped out after 3 more songs. Insanity. Love it.

Thank goodness for Brodder's birthday!

Come shine

Brunch had been outside in the shade of the gazebo, their toes wandering under the table to find the pools of sunlight warming spots on the patio stones, brushing often as they did. They had brought the dishes in together; he carried their mugs while she cleared the plates. Once inside, they worked together to restore the kitchen to its original state--accompanied by a playlist of classics by Louis, Bing, Ella, Billie, and Ms. Garland, their task hardly seemed a chore at all.

    "These songs make me wish I could tap-dance."
    "Really?"
    "Absolutely! They're so upbeat and...tappy."

He laughed as she handed him another plate to wash.

    "If I had time, I totally would learn again."
    "I'm sure you'd be great."
    "I bet I would be. I'm sure I asked you before--do you think you have two left feet, or do you dance?"
    "I can handle my own on the dance floor."
    "Oh really?"
    "Oh, for sure!"

Sending soap suds through the air, he proceeded to turn from the sink to do a sort of wriggling dance on the spot with frantic arm motions and a serious look of focused intent, causing her to burst into giggles. He smiled. He stopped just as the song turned to a softer, slower one.

    "Obviously dancing runs through your veins."
    "Oh, absolutely."

He turned back to finish the few dishes left while she put away the rest of the food and wiped down the counters. Lazy weekends were quickly becoming a favourite of theirs when spent together. A change from their hectic week and business alter-egos, it was a time that they got to relax and let loose, just being their goofy, unprofessional selves in the presence of the other without worrying about anyone else watching.

Caught off guard in a daydream, she found herself being swept into his arms; he hadn't dried his hands and she could feel them leaving warm imprints on the back of her shirt as he held her close. She didn't mind. He gently swayed her to the sultry sound of Ella Fitzgerald.

    "Does this answer your question?"
    "Yes."

They danced in the sunlight streaming in through the kitchen windows, her head on his shoulder and his embrace ever enveloping. At the end of the song, he dipped her, and though he never let go of her, she felt herself falling a little more.
...

I'm gonna love you,
Like nobody's loved you
Come rain or come shine
High as a mountain, deep as a river
Come rain or come shine

I guess when you met me
It was just one of those things
But don't you ever bet me
'Cause I'm gonna be true if you let me

You're gonna love me,
Like nobody's loved me
Come rain or come shine
We'll be happy together, unhappy together
Now won't that be just fine

The days may be cloudy or sunny
We're in or out of the money
But I'm with you always
I'm with you rain or shine
    --"Come Rain or Come Shine" - Billie Holiday

Quote of the Moment:

"Cry in the dojo; laugh on the battlefield."
    --Samurai saying, imparted to me tonight in preparation for battle
...

Words of wisdom for so many facets of life. And people wonder at how often I'm laughing.

Go to...

Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get maaaaaaarried,
Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get maaaaaa...

    "I hate this song."
    "Me too."
    *huffs*

An Uncontrollable Conversation

    "Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."
--Unknown

Beautiful words, and an interesting statement. If falling in love is uncontrollable, is falling out of love written from the same ink?

I think when you uncontrollably fall in love, that's love and you don't just fall out of it. If you controllably fall for someone--you see the good traits, you know you have good times together, you're attracted to them more than others--that's when you can uncontrollably fall out...just the right trigger and the love you taught yourself to feel can disappear.

But back to the other kind of love; the "I had no choice" kind of love. When you're in it, you're in it and deny it all you might, it will be a flame that will always burn inside. You can talk yourself out of it, you can try to love someone else, you can try to wait it out, but it just won't go. Kinda makes sense when you look at people who are in bad relationships--try as they might, they can't get out and just leave that other person, even if they can see it's bad for them.

Hurt as I might, I vote for not having a choice.

Louder than words

    "You told me it'd change. You told me things would be different; that they would be better."
    "They are changing. Things like these take time. And things are different; we've come so far from when we first began."
    "Remind me that you love me and I'll stay. Remind me how much you love me, and I'll be able to stay. I can only do this with you and I need to know that you think we're still worth it like I do."
    "I love you. I love you so very, very much."

There is a moment of pause as he watches her silently crying eyes search his. Without another word, she woundedly turns and leaves, the door closing softly behind her before locking with an audible click.

Two mornings later, she sleeplessly arrives at her job. There are eight messages waiting for her in her voice mail, each one a different love song they shared between them. Every hour of her working day a messenger arrives bearing a single red rose. Emails crowd her inbox; notes of love, of memories, of photos. A letter arrives addressed to her nickname, and signed by his.

When she returns home at the end of the day, she finds the hallway dark, but candles are lit. She follows their glow and the strains of yet another love song into the next room where she falls back into the arms of her love. He catches her and dances her to their song, holding her closely and placing a kiss amongst her hair.

    "I meant to show you."
    "I love you too."

Reminded, she stays; he never again lets her forget.
...

Not yet late for work, she barrels down the stairs to make sure it stays that way. She bursts into the bathroom and finds her contact lenses on the shelf above the sink, where she had left them last night. She also finds two extra sets of contacts and a toothbrush. Her whole morning rush slows to a halt in that moment as, caught off guard, she pauses to savour it. It takes a few more minutes before she is finally ready to leave the house, as reminiscently reluctant as the morning before.
...

"Feels Like Home" - Chantal Kreviazuk

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Song of the Moment: "Give Back the Love" - The Philosopher Kings

I would never give back the love you gave me
I would never undo the past that made me
Even when the memories hurt it would only make me feel worse
If I were to give back the love you gave me
...

Of course there's more, but this is the only part that sang to me this morning as I groggily turned on Jenny and pressed play.

Since when did I stop being able to sleep in later than 9:30? And since when did my body learn the habit of automatically opening my eyes at 7:40 in the morning?
...

Quote of Yesterday

    "It wouldn't be so hard if it wasn't real."

Beating Friday

My room is littered with clean laundry that I just haven't had the time nor movitation to put away. My desk is rapidly approaching the depth of being six feet under. The inside of my blinds have yet to have seen sunlight in the last week. The cordless phone lies atop a pile of papers, out of batteries having been used once and then tossed to the side. A newspaper two-months old is yellowing on the windowsill.

Is there a method? Not always. Not now, that's for sure. But one thing that I can say, is that it's mine and no one else's.
...

My mother took my pulse today, and according to TCM standards, it's weak.

Quote of the Moment:

    "The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up."
--Paul Valery
...

There's a pinky finger if I've ever heard one.

When you're tired

    "Did I tell you about the time I was MSNing my friend in the next room and then when I didn't reply for a while, he came to check on me and found that I'd fallen asleep with half a sentence typed?"
    "Oh yeah? Well there was this one time that I was in the middle of typing an email and fell asleep. When I woke up, all of my typing was gone! I was so worried, until I realized that I'd fallen asleep with my thumb on the spacebar and had just pages and pages of blank spaces--my email so far was all the way at the top!"
    "Yeah well, that happened to me once that I fell asleep while typing, but when I woke up, I found dollar signs, which isn't so different, except for the fact that you need at least 2 fingers to do that!"
...

Why can't we just go to sleep when we're tired? :)

Congratulations, Brodder! Now the hard part is what to DO with those extra letters...

The Ripple

A girl stands atop a ledge above the waters of a pond, a pebble in her hand. The surface is as still as glass and she pauses to admire the serenity and gaze upon that which is reflected back at her. She had brought the pebble to toss into the water and to watch how far the ripples would extend beautifully through the stillness, but after seeing the perfection of the pond, she changes her mind. She turns to leave, having dropped the pebble onto the slanted shore of her perch. However, in a moment of unbalance, she slips just enough to push the pebble into a roll with her heel. It rolls down the shore and off the end of the ledge above the waters of the pond. When it breaks the glass surface of the water, the ripples extend beautifully through the stillness to every edge. It is exactly as she hadn't wanted to see, but all she can do now is be patient and wait for the water to become still once again. The ripples are beautiful.

A love so fierce

Sheets of lightning ripple across the sky, breaking like waves over the white crests of clouds. The sheets turn to streaks and suddenly the rumble of thunder turns to a continuous roar that is all that can be heard. Leaves are pelted off the trees by the rain while their roots grasp desperately at the ground to stay upright against the wind. The sky unleashes against the earth in a civil war of the elements and it's beautiful. Even though I believe I can feel a mist being blown in through my open window, I refuse to get up to close the blinds and instead will the street lights to burn out.

The Forecast

Helloooooooo pathetic fallacy...

Memory Uncited

    "Will I ever laugh again?"
    "Of course you will."
    "When?"
    "When something really, really funny happens, you'll laugh."
...

Something really, really funny happened, and I laughed. Oh did I laugh. It felt good.

The quote above is uncited because I happen to know that some readers would just rather not know where it's from; but while they weren't my words, they were my questions.

Song of the Moment: "I am Yours" - Tracy Chapman

When all my hopes and dreams
Have been betrayed
I stand before you
My hands are empty

I am yours
If you are mine

When I fall and stumble
Flat on my face
When I'm shamed and humbled
In disgrace

I am yours
If you are mine

When voices call me
To question my faith
When misperception
Taints my love with hate

I am yours
If you are mine

When time decides
It won't stop for me
When the hawks and vultures
Are circling

I am yours
If you are mine
...

My hands are empty.

Wordless