Pregnant achievments

Like most posts about pregnancy that I've been reading lately (this one was an AWESOME one, apparently written by a friend of a friend), I've been coming to the realization that this really does change your life.  I mean, right, DUH, but even the little things.  The little things that I'm thinking about today are the goals that you set for yourself.

Before, my goals for myself were like:
- cook an amazing, delicious and romantic meal for two for dinner!
- train and run a 10K race!
- clean the bathrooms!

Now, it's more like:
- figure out something that you can palate and eat more than a total of 5 bites
- make it up the stairs without running out of breath
- sneeze/cough without peeing yourself

Today, I succeeded on two out of three of those goals. I'll leave it to you to guess which I failed.

Pregnancy rage

What is pregnancy rage?  It's what takes over women from time to time when they're pregnant.  It makes them crazy.  It doesn't feel  like you're crazy when you're in the grips of this rage, but you are. Example?

Early on in my pregnancy, like, in the second month or so, all was well during the day.  Malcolm and I were still the newlywed couple, very much in love and even more so now that we knew we were expecting a new addition to our family.  But at night...

...at night, Malcolm had the AUDACITY to try to cuddle with me!  I'd be all settled for sleep on my side of our king-sized bed when all of a sudden, he'd put his arm affectionately around me, kiss me goodnight and go to sleep like that! WTF? The moment I was sure he was asleep, I'd pincer his wrist between my thumb and forefinger like it was used tissue, and fling it back onto his side of the bed. Some nights he'd try to reach for me again and I'd scoot further away.  There was at least one night that ended with me balanced on my side on the very edge of the bed, trying to stay out of his reach. I had the most trouble falling asleep those nights because I was fuming. 

Who does my husband think he is, trying to show me affection while I'm TRYING TO SLEEP?!

And then, just the other night, I was boiling a pot of water on the stove.  Malcolm walked by, noticed this, and put the lid on the pot for me.  I nearly lost my shit.

If I'd have WANTED the lid on the pot, I would have PUT the lid on the pot!

It's not just Malcolm that sets me off either. I nearly assaulted a friend because she admitted she's parked in the expectant mother spots before, without ever having been an expectant mother. 

I...can't...even....

Luckily, in all of these instances, I've realized that there was an element of psycho to them so instead of acting on my feelings or letting them explode out of my mouth, I silently fumed and brooded the fire away. Sometimes it could take a few days or weeks, but I made it.  

So all these times that people warned me of "pregnant brain" or raging hormones and emotional swings, I at first dismissed them.  But now that I'm halfway through my own pregnancy, I have to say that they are SO true. Those of you who are expecting should probably be told about these things.  But really, it should be those of you who are NOT pregnant but that will probably find yourselves in the presence of someone that is - YOU are the ones who should be warned about pregnancy rage.  Because you could be a victim.  And it could be bad.  Trust me.

Trending names

With a baby on the way, obviously I've been trying to be attuned to names in the attempt to find the perfect one for our future bundle of joy.  In a quick search today, I was presented with a box of "trending names" so I thought I'd take a peek.

Now, honestly, I love a little creativity and uniqueness when it comes to people's names.  I loved the fact that even to this day, I can probably count the number of other girls I've met with the same name as me on my ten fingers.  Maybe even on just five of those.  But this one...I don't know about this one...

And it's TRENDING...

What did the fox...wait, fox?!

Slacking in any area is getting blamed on baby brain. :)  Oh yes, we're having a baby!

As with other big events in my life, I've started yet another journal just for this one.  I'll probably share more of those posts later, but there was one thing that took place last night that I just can't skip.

With being pregnant, I've been having amazingly lucid dreams. So lucid, that I'll wake up in the morning (with some crazy difficulty every time) and wonder...was that real? From things like attending SilentR's wedding, to cooking cocaine in an RV à la Breaking Bad, they're pretty hilarious, but surprisingly detailed and convincing.    However, none are probably as convincing as Malcolm's dream was to him last night.  He told it well in his own words, so I won't ruin it...

That's what she said

And really, she said it.  Loudly.  At work.

Our director brought donuts in this afternoon.  My gluten-free friend noticed them go by and groaned - donuts were definitely not going to be gluten-free.  I grabbed one and then visited her at her cube.

   "Hey, want a sprinkle?  These might be gluten-free."

   "No."  She tossed my offered sprinkle into the garbage.

   "Fine, I'll leave you alone then."

I started to walk away when I remembered the best part about the donut I'd picked, so I called back over the cube wall:

   "It's filled with Boston Cream!"

And then.

   "Oh my god, just let me suck all the cream out of it for you!"

Needless to say, we were shushed.

Why would you TELL me that?

I was just checking the forecast when I noticed something:

Isn't that the most depressing stat?

Look like moviestar

It was Malcolm's birthday yesterday and to celebrate, we went out for dinner with the fam and some of the usual suspects.  Malcolm and I arrived with mom, while Brodder showed up with LiMonGuy, and Dimps and Nightcrawler rounded our group out.

We'd of course met up for Malaysian food and enjoyed the usual overstuffing of our faces.  While Brodder and LMG had to leave early, the rest of us stuck around, enjoying the shitty (yes, that's literal) conversation that ensued.  Sometime during our chatting, I motioned for the bill, but it never came.  Even when Nightcrawler tried to sneak up to pay for it, he was also presented with nothing.  Puzzled, I got up to interrogate our servers.

   "Can I get the bill for that table, please?" I motioned to where we were sitting.
   "Oh, no bill - paid already," she explained in her broken English.
   "Paid already?  Who paid?"
   "Oh, the handsome one."

I looked back at the table where of all of us, Malcolm was the only male sitting there at the moment.  I motioned to Malcolm to try to get her to clarify.

   "He paid?"
   "Oh no, not him."

Not Malcolm?  Those at the table who had heard giggled.  So then Nightcrawler?  Since he'd returned to the table by then, I motioned to him and asked again.

   "He paid?"
   "Oh no, the handsome one."

Not Nightcrawler either.  We were in stitches by then.

   "He's tall..."
   "Oh, Brodder!  Were there two tall people?"
   "Yes, yes!  Tall.  Handsome!"

Of course - how could I have mistaken Malcolm or Nightcrawler for the handsome ones?