~ A Euphonic Melody ~

Cat (not) whisperer

2012-01-16T07:00:00.001-05:00

While travelling the world, Malcolm and I entrusted our cat, Moo-Moo to the care of my brother. Brodder loves our cat and has managed to keep other animals alive in his care, so we took the plunge.

me: I would like photographic evidence that our cat is still alive, please. That, and I might miss him a bit.

Brodder:

Moo eating my phone charger.

And eating the Christmas lights.

me: Don't you have any pictures of him being well behaved? Or have you spoiled our cat for us?

Brodder: Spoiled to the bone. Good luck ever owning nice things.

Back to basics

2012-01-16T06:48:00.001-05:00

I have not been ignoring (why does this post always seem to come at the beginning of every year?). In a very therapeutic and cathartic move, I've made a bit of a return to writing by paper and pen. Enough so that I've practically filled the temporary journal I had brought with me on this trip. Enough so that I totally exhausted the pen that I brought with me that had been full of ink before we'd left. Enough so that it appears that I've ignored blogging. But I haven't.

It was actually due to a lack of internet access or a lack of blog access that rebooted my old ways of paper and pen. that method never lets you down. And actually, while I find it hard both ways, I find it's easier to pick up an entry where I may have left off on paper while an electronic copy usually just gets deleted for lack of want of finishing. So it's been nice. Complete entries that I have no guilt about writing out of time-line order, that I don't mind starting and stopping and that I enjoy reading over and over again, hearing the pages turn beneath my fingers and feeling the crinkle of the paper caused by my pen to paper.

But I'm back. Or at least I will be when it comes time to share the words here.

Happy New Year!

Back to the food

2011-12-30T03:38:00.001-05:00

We've been back to Malaysia for just about 24 hours, and I've already been fed 5 meals excluding snacks. I can't handle this! I swear I managed to lose weight while travelling (which is supposed to be the usual case) but at this rate, I'll have it all back by tomorrow. :(

But, it's good to be home (-ish).

Beware Battambang

2011-12-26T11:01:00.001-05:00

We're in Battambang, the second largest city of Cambodia, but still a very sleepy city--pretty much everything is closed up and done by 10pm. We were looking to get a late-ish dinner at 8pm and walked down to our concierge to inquire about whether there'd be anything to eat at the night-market we'd heard about. A nearby (and eavesdropping) tuk-tuk driver confirmed to us that there was and asked if we'd like a ride. The market was about 2 kilometres away and at the price he offered us, we declined the ride. Upon hearing our answer, the tuk-tuk driver frowned.

"Are you sure? You don't want to run into any trouble on the streets...there might be gangsters."

We looked at each other...and still decided to walk. We had to hang around the concierge a little longer before leaving as we were making travel preparations for the next day and every time I mentioned something about gangsters, the clerk giggled to himself. Needless to say, we didn't run into any trouble. We didn't even get lost, not to mention running into any gangsters.

From the other side

2011-12-22T23:26:00.000-05:00

Travelling for so long on this side of the planet (South East Asia) has started to change my outlook on things. I can't really put a lot of those things into words just yet, but one of them has just gotten a little more thought than others just now.

Early Retirement does not necessarily equal Rich Retirement, nor does it have to.

You don't have to be rich to retire and to retire doesn't mean your cash flow must cease to perpetuate. Why do you need to retire rich? To live an opulent lifestyle you wouldn't normally live? Even if I were rich, my lifestyle would not change and become opulent...it'd probably stay pretty much the same. If anything, I could scale back on expenses - no longer driving into the office everyday, no longer needing to dress to the nines in office wear, no lunches on the go, store bought coffees or parking fees - home would be the place to be and where the heart is.

Suddenly, constant travel and saving for retirement doesn't seem so scary anymore.

Tripping out

2011-12-17T13:57:00.002-05:00

I'm exhausted. The moments that I finally get any down time, I sit still, not doing or saying or thinking anything. I know I want to do things - write, read, crochet, photo-edit - but my brain just can't handle it. It's not that we're doing too much...it's just that we're doing it. I need a vacation.

No photo; money

2011-12-08T10:29:00.001-05:00

Travel guides and fellow globetrotters will tell you that you'll get used to the beggars and pan-handlers you encounter in all of the emerging countries. They've each got their gimmick to tug on your heart strings--gimmicks that can be VERY effective. There's nothing wrong with giving money to them, it's just that if you don't harden up to it fast enough, you'll find that you're handing out more than you'll expect. But how could you resist these little girls?

At first, we thought they might just have been cute littlevolunteers at the temple we had stopped to visit; the first little girl we cameacross was singing. Pictures weresnapped of course, not just by us, but by the crowds walking by—the little girleven posed for Marvin’s camera. But bythe time we were ready to make the trek back down the 306 steps from Doi Suthepwe’d made the connection that the girls were doing it for money. In fact, for the unlucky photographers theycaught taking pictures and not paying, they would trot on over and stand on thestep below them, blocking their way down the mountain until they werepaid.

Now onto their scheme, I told Malcolm I still wanted apicture with one of these adorable girls and fished through my bag for a 10baht coin. As I was fishing, anotherforeigner beat me to the picture and snapped a photo of the little girl I wasstanding beside. Dutifully, she skippedon over to him, stood in his way and reprimanded him.

“No photo;money.”

Not understanding her at first, he tried to dodge aroundher, but she blocked his path and repeated,

“No photo;money.”

I was ready with my coin by then and thought that it mightplacate her with regards to his stolen photo as well as allow me to take one ofmy own. I presented the coin to thegirl, but she wouldn’t even look at me.

“No photo;money.”

She was fiddling with her little change purse slung aroundher shoulder as she chanted the recitation so I thought perhaps she hadn’tnoticed my offering. I put the coin inher line of vision, but again,

“No photo;money.”

The fellow foreigner, Malcolm and I exchanged bewilderedlooks. Didn’t she want her money? We decided to let the guy give it a tryoffering it to her – it was he who caught her attention in the firstplace. He accepted the coin from me andhe handed it to her, making sure she could see it.

“No photo;money.”

He tried slipping it into her change purse for her. She pulled away.

“No photo;money.”

Her sulky words were both frustrating but adorable. We weren’t going to go away without givingher the money, but we couldn’t figure out why she wouldn’t take it? Then Malcolm had an idea: we would try givingher 20 baht.

I fished through my purse and found the appropriate bill andoffered it to her.

*smile*

Her chant stopped and she smiled brightly for the camera,allowing the other foreigner to escape and me to snap my picture.

Malcolm also paused at the bottom of the stairs to snap another (paid) picture with the first girl who had been singing and who had given him the great pose in the first place. In a developing country, even if you’re only 4-years old with only 3 words of English – Money talks.

To the Batu Caves!

2011-12-06T11:24:00.001-05:00

Having the only laptop around, I've had to share and haven't had enough alone-time to blog. Shitty excuse, but I'm sticking to it. The lack of alone time with or without the laptop has resulted in me having kept up with the writing, online, offline, or on paper. I have to say that's pretty shitty too. I shall strive to rectify this, but crankiness may prevail. Perhaps when I get my ring back, that will help to cure some of that.

Remember a while ago I was in Malaysia? In Kuala Lumpur? I didn't write much about it because for the first bit, we didn't do very much. Then when we DID do something I was too busy (or sucky) to write about it. I'm playing catch-up now.

The Batu Caves were a place that Malcolm had been too, but so long ago that it was I who informed him (and his friends) that there was now a city train line that had been extended out to the caves and they were now accessible without needing a chauffeur. Perfect. So one morning after breakfast (of course) with friends, we were dropped off at the LRT station and left to our own devices via Malcolm's memory and my navigation. Not long later, we had found our way and exited the train.

I wasn't quite sure what we were getting into having done minimal research on the site and just going along with Malcolm's memory. I knew at some point there were going to be caves, there were going to be 272 steps, and I was to beware of the monkeys. The first thing to catch my eye as we crossed through the gates and onto the grounds of the Batu Caves was not in a cave, was not quite a monkey, but was super tall.

Now I had an idea of what I was getting into. Without having reached the main entrance of the grounds, I was already struck by what I'd seen. The cliffs were breathtaking and the temples already grand. I'd never been to a Hindu temple before (at least, not to my recollection) and was impressed by the grandeur I found at the bottom of the steps. Somehow, though I had read that the statue would be big, I didn't realize it would be THAT big.

Before heading up to the main temple, we came across a smaller one at the bottom of the steps which visitors were allowed to enter so we took a peek inside. Statues, shrines, frescoes, sculptures, incense and more greeted us as we entered with our shoes off. Priests seeking to give us blessings (and receive donations, which we gave) called us over to rub ashes on our foreheads and put flowers in my hair.

Already, I was liking this.

Blessed (hopefully with phenomenal stair-climbing abilities), we decided it was time to make the climb.

Since I am fully aware of how much I hate to climb stairs and especially how much I suck at it, I steeled myself to the task at hand, knowing there was no other way up. No elevators, escalators, or secret lifts here. Besides, after a quarter of the way up, we saw this guy and I could no longer feel sorry for myself.

Halfway there!

The sights to greet us were well worth the climb, though at the moment there were no priests or anything sacred going on at the top--only monkeys running amok.

Two tried to tag-team me and attack, but I soon found the secret to warding them off (as I didn't have any food or drinks on me that they could possibly want) was simply to remember that I was bigger than them and to reassert that fact to them.

Overall, the trip was the most touristy that I was to make in KL (since the Petronas Towers were closed) and it was quite the memorable one.

The details

2011-12-06T10:49:00.001-05:00

November 24, 2011

After listening to me gripe and feel sorry for myself about having gained the (more than) obligatory "welcome home" weight all night, Malcolm told me I looked beautiful and said he would take me on a walk through his childhood neighbourhood if it would make me feel better. I accepted.

We walked and we talked and he pointed out the places that meant a lot to him having shared memories there with his late grandfather. Crossing a bridge on the way home, we paused for a moment, watching the traffic pass beneath us. A moment later, Malcolm turned to me.

"I have a secret...I bought you something."
"What is it? Electronics?" (our secret joke for "engagement ring")
"Maybe."

At this point, I didn't take it to be something very serious. We'd kidded about it often so it wasn't something completely out of character.

"You know, you're not supposed to TELL me about that."
"But I don't want it to be a secret anymore."

And with that, he dropped to one knee, and, holding my hand, told me how much he loved me and asked me to marry him. Before he'd finished his first sentence--perhaps before his knee even hit the ground--I was already crying. Speechless, I nodded at first and then eeked out a "yes."

He stood up and we kissed. Then he opened up his left hand one finger at a time to reveal...and empty palm. :) Before I could figure out what it meant, I felt him slide a ring onto my finger with his right hand and smile. I was smiling and laughing and sobbing all at once. From there we walked back to his home in Penang where we shared the news with his family and they welcomed me (still sobbing) with open arms to the family.

It is forever

2011-11-25T11:30:00.001-05:00

A walk, a bridge, a question...to which my answer was "yes."

November 24, 2011 - Penang, Malaysia

I cried through the entire thing.

On the topic of TP

2011-11-23T12:25:00.001-05:00

A while ago, I made a comment about the Travellerspoint icon shortening their name to just "TP" and it referring to toilet paper instead of their site name (I was in another rather goofy mood that night). If I could access the website, I'd post the following there as a warning, but alas, I can't. Be forewarned, it's VERY TMI.

So. For the most part, I've been living quite the sheltered bathroom life here in Malaysia. I knew since touchdown at KLIA that squat toilets existed here in the city, but was either fortunate enough to find a seated toilet or was able to hold it until I could use the facilities at home (if it meant not having to squat, I could definitely put up with wet feet in the potty). Even in Japan I employed this same tactic and survived the entire trip without giving my quads a workout.

But then...

Taking TP for granted
One of the first nights we were in KL, we met up with some of Malcolm's friends for mamak (coffee) while I was still embarrassingly jetlagged. So much so that I forgot to pee before going out for drinks and munchies. For the first hour, it was fine. We ate, drank and chatted (well, the boys chatted, I stared blankly as I valiantly fought off the Lag) the time away. Then the Lag was put off a bit as my senses told me I had to wake to action. I had to pee.

At first, I tried to hold it. We were at a semi-decent establishment, but half of it was still open-air and that wasn't promising. Finally, I couldn't wait any longer and got up to find the bathroom. Malcolm offered me change and tissues, but I optimistically waved them off. Following the signed directions, I found my way and opened the door.

Ugh.

For some reason, even without a shower in there, EVERYTHING was wet. Toilet seat, floor, hose, sink, everything. "That's okay," I thought, "I have shoes on, and I can hover over the seat." But then I noticed: no TP. Dammit.

Usually by then, I'd just give up and go back on my merry way to find the next or to wait it out, but there was no more room to wait. I found my way back to the counter and asked, "tissue?" A man disinterestedly pointed at the wall where I found a tissue dispenser there. I pulled as many tissue tickets as I could without being distracting and headed back to the task. It was after I finished and high-tailed it out of there that I grumbled to myself and wondered why there isn't any toilet paper in the restrooms to begin with? What did they expect one to do? Use their hands or something?

Then it dawned on me. That's what the hoses were for..omg... This whole time I'd ignored the hoses in the bathrooms, thinking they were in case anyone needed any emergency washing and in this case, they pretty much were. Ew.

Note to self: bring TP with you always.

Pees are not always free
Breakfast, lunch, and a trip to KL Central Market and it was finally time for a pee break. Being indoors in a fairly touristy location, I figured the toilets would be a little safer and more up to snuff for foreigners like me. However, before I could even enter to discover their condition I was blocked by a turnstile. 50 sens, please.

My experiences with paid toilets were much the same with squat toilets - I avoided them as best I could. But this time we were en masse so it would have been selfish to insist we move on so we had our bills broken into correct change, fed the turnstile, and headed on in. While this time there was TP available (though you had to ask for it on your way in) and the floors were not wet, there were no seats on the toilet bowls. Squatting ensued, but at least this time I wasn't afraid to touch anything.

Second note to self: carrying loose change may facilitate use of facilities.

You can't always get what you want
Our most touristy excursion was one out to the Batu Caves to climb the steps and see the shrines and temples. Having hydrated in anticipation for the hot day ahead, you can guess that it wasn't long before I had to go. And it wasn't. TP in one pocket, change in the other, I was ready to conquer the toilets...until I actually got inside.

Oh no.

They were ALL squats. There was no escaping this time. There were no other options and I'd already paid my 20 sens to enter. It had to be done. Saving most other details, I will just tell you that I set 2 goals for myself in those moments: don't fall over and don't pee on yourself.

Mission accomplished.

My quads burned but my dignity remained. I'd never been prouder of myself for going potty since I'd been 3-years old.

Final note to self: just suck it up, buttercup.

Since then, I feel like I've graduated to a new class of world traveller; from prissy sitter to seasoned squatter. However, I'd definitely take dry floors and clean seat ANY DAY.

Eye am looking for a connection

2011-11-23T10:31:00.001-05:00

With my travellerspoint connection down yet again (seriously, internet, wtf?) and with FB having trouble with uploading pictures in Chrome, I have found that the only work-around is to use Mozilla to upload with Basic Uploader...5 pictures at a time. It's been slow, to say the least, but at least I'm still able to share. Anyway, in my use of Mozilla (and my exhausted goofiness of the evening) I noticed that when the browser's trying search for the site to connect to it (in that moment before it becomes the cyclic green ring), the icon that appears looks like a googly eye.

Like a lazy wandering eye rolling wildly in its socket, this dot just makes its rounds and amuses the shit out of me. I'd tell you to go look for yourself, but your internet connection may be too fast for you to see it. NOTHING could be as slow as what we're connected to.

The extended-extended family

2011-11-23T04:36:00.001-05:00

I've met them and I'm in love.

Ginger, the older female of the two, catching some sun.

Pepper, guard dog and alpha male of the three pups. Loud bark, but not a vicious bone in his little body.

Belle, daughter of Pepper and Ginger, who loves Malcolm almost as much as I do. She faithfully follows him wherever he may be in the house, and if she can't get to him, she'll wait outside the door until she can.

Baby Mei-Mei who knows no other expression other than smiling. A beautiful, bouncing baby girl that everyone adores.

Big sister to Mei Mei - she's super shy...for the first little while, and then she'll never get enough of you.

Having made the move to Penang this week, I miss them so much already.

On the market

2011-11-23T03:48:00.001-05:00

I love going into stores and buying crap. I can't describe it any other way. I love looking at trinkets and souvenirs and stuff like that. Cheap deals and awesome steals. Truth be told, I don't BUY that much of it, but I love to see what's out there, food, books, toys, and otherwise. SO, when Malcolm's brother suggested he take us to the Thursday night market one neighbourhood over, I was ecstatic!

When we first pulled up, we parked at the side of the road a little ways away and walked in. What appeared over the crest as we neared our destination was titillating. I was greeted by a bustling block of tents and kiosks and cooking smoke and mouth-watering smells and blinking lights and colourful stalls and piles of fruit and crowds of people and shouts and smiles and...it was an assault on the senses. A welcome assault.

Having experienced the markets themselves many times, Malcolm et al let me lead the way. Food dominated the market by far. We arrived "late" by eager beaver standards and could already see that some hawker stalls were closed, having sold all that they had to offer. But that didn't mean there was any less to see.

The danger of this night market visit was curbed by the fact that we'd just had a mid-afternoon snack at home (though not necessarily by our choice), but that didn't stop us from getting selections of the best or most curious.

We picked up snacks and food for our after-dinner supper and headed home. But not without me taking a few choice shots (you might have to click on the panoramics to get a better view).

I love the fact that these markets happen once a week as opposed to at home where they happen once in never. It's such a captivating hustle and bustle that I know I could never tire of. Especially not while in good company.

Stop the world...

2011-11-23T03:29:00.001-05:00

...I skipped lunch today.

It's true! Exhausted from the events of yesterday, I came home after a walk and breakfast with Marvin, and promptly passed out right through lunch until early afternoon.

Now I'm hungry. :(

I just want to CARE

2011-11-20T10:33:00.001-05:00

In light of our travel blog not working, I thought that uploading photos to FB might be the easiest second choice method to share travel stories through pictures. But alas, I have been foiled again. I don't know why or how, but after uploading a mere 4 pictures, FB won't let me upload anymore. It freezes after uploading about 95% of the first picture I chose (according to the status bar, anyway). I've tried to simplify and just do a SINGLE picture at a time, but to no avail.

WHY CAN'T I SHARE?!?!?!?

For those of you wondering why I'm not just posting pictures here...it's not that I don't want to, but I love my words here and formatting so that pictures look good but don't take up too much space is a pain in my arse. However, compared to how much trouble I'm running into EVERYWHERE else, it might not be so bad...

I *heart* Blogger.

Band List

2011-11-20T09:02:00.001-05:00

That title should actually read "Band List," but I have to explain first.

A while ago, Malcolm was super sweet and started a travel blog for us to share our epic trip adventure with the world. True to form, I started blogging even before we left. But as we crawled through KL and I posted from there, one morning I woke to find that I couldn't access the site anymore. I thought it was just a temporary glitch that would work itself out by the evening or the next day.

Not so.

Since last week, I haven't been able to access our blog nor the host site and have left my readers hanging in suspense! (Okay, no one in suspense except for me.) To my dismay, Malcolm was also unable to access the site from his laptop too. No pictures, no posts, no travel advice to or from our fellow bloggers. I then convinced myself it must have been a problem with the connection at the KL home and that as soon as I was able to steal some wifi from somewhere else, we'd be back in business.

Not so.

We've since arrived in Penang to Malcolm's Penang home and still no such luck. And it's still the two of us both that can't access it. He can't even access it from his iPhone. :( For the past hour or so, I've been faithfully Googling my way through to a possible explanation, if not a solution to this problem. What I've found so far is telling me that my IP address has been banned by the site itself for accessing it too often and for too long at a time. Since Malcolm and I were both accessing it through the same router, we were both banned--his phone probably as well.

It might not be the case, but it's the most plausible one I've come across so far. One of the forum answers told me "your IP might be listed on the site's BAND LIST which will prevent you from accessing it." If I was on the "Band List," wouldn't I have backstage access? :p The resolution? Something too far out of reach of my own IT skills. :(

However, Malcolm is still optimistic that we will be able to log on once we reach a Starbucks or other free wifi hotspot. I will keep my fingers crossed. If not, if you're reading this, this will be what you get - sorry about the other blog; if you didn't know about the other blog...well, you're the one with backstage access now.
...

Dear Travellerspoint:

Please unblock me from accessing my own blog...I really want to share!

melody

Get used to it

2011-11-18T05:17:00.001-05:00

Lightswitches: down is on, up is off. Cars drive on the left hand side of the road. Spicy things are actually spicy. Motorcycles get to weave through the lanes at will. TP is not a guaranteed luxury...neither is a seated toilets or a bathroom without an admission fee. If you're doing laundry, the neighbours WILL see your undies hanging outside to dry. Malls are triple the size of the typical North American mall but don't play music in the stores...or if they do, there is zero censorship on the gansta rap selections. Manicures by Asian shops suck. There are stray cats and dogs everywhere. Monkeys are not cute and friendly. The streets are rife with thieves and pickpockets. Honking the car horn is for FYIs, not anger.

It's taken me a little over a week, but I think I'm finally getting the hang of this country.

Rain, rain, go away

2011-11-17T03:42:00.001-05:00

The rain was taking its time to roll in today. The sky had been dark since noon and there had been grumbles of thunder for hours...but no rain. Occasional flashes of lightning were glimpsed from time to time, reminding of the impending storm, but it continued to hold off, just taunting its authority.

The weather was just being a bully.

It was forcing the golfers on the courses to speed up their games; it was keeping the curious explorers indoors--trapped without bars. If I were at home, it'd be boots and a raincoat and no cares in this world. Boo.

Blown a fuse

2011-11-16T12:54:00.001-05:00

No, really. And actually, I really blew two.

I wanted to dry my hair and plugged my dryer into the plug converter we'd brought. Didn't work. Tried the second one. That one didn't work either. Turns out that without warning (like a pop or a fizz), my hair dryer managed to kill both travel adapters that Malcolm brought with us. :(

Lucky for me, he figured it to be the fuse in the converter...a fuse which I hope to be able to purchase tomorrow at the corner hardware store! Unlucky for me, one of the prongs broke on one of the converters in the middle of investigation. :( Perhaps it might still work?

Keep your fingers crossed! (Sorry, babe...)

The sounding of dawn

2011-11-15T12:19:00.001-05:00

Having only just recovered from jetlag and waking up unnaturally early every morning, my groggy consciousness struggled to figure out why it was waking to the theme music of Angry Birds. My eyes finally fluttered open to find the sky outside still dark and Malcolm's uncoordinately sleepy figure silhouetted against it as he stumbled towards his phone to turn off the animated alarm. As he flopped back into bed for another 9 minutes of undisturbed rest, I remembered - we were going fishing today.

The damage done, but my body still reluctant, I lay awake in bed. If the sun was coming up, it was doing so incrementally. It probably didn't help that I could see it was starting off to be an overcast morning. I savoured the moment. In a house of 10 that was next to another house under construction, both being in a neighbourhood full of dogs and stray cats, and all in a country in the beginning of its rainy season, it was a rare moment of serenity.

An uncertain amount of time passed before I was brought out of my own meditation by someone else's. The voice, low at first, came rising out of the early morning and in through the open windows. His voice was joined by a second one, so faint that it could have been there the entire time. The two climbed and fell together, both filled with devotion and dedication that felt as old as time.

Multicultural as Canada is, I had never had the chance to hear this before. This being my first time in a Muslim country, I had strained my ears for days, hoping to snatch a note of a prayer at any time of the day, and now I had it all to myself. The muezzin's amplified voice did not sound tinny as I had feared, but rather faint but full at the same time. The prayers ended a few moments later, but my sense of awe and wonderment lasted the entire morning.

People to see

2011-11-14T11:59:00.001-05:00

Waaaayyyyy back in elementary school, I remember an activity where we had to form groups and "invent" a new machine. One group "invented" a machine akin to a PVR for your brain so you could play back things you'd said and seen moments ago. One of those would have been spectacularly useful to me over the last few days--there are somethings...some people I've caught glimpses of that I wish I could have captured on film to share with you.

The Sleeping Salesman
Malcolm wanted to pick up an extra travel adapter so we ventured downtown and to Low Yat plaza--the electronic store centre of the city. Just imagine taking all of the electronic stores you can think of, shoving them all into one building, making the use of neon and LED lighting mandatory, and the putting the whole experience on steroids. Wait, let me show you:

Anyway, amid the unavoidable hustle and bustle to this place, we made our way to the store we needed to get to. I let myself be pushed and pulled along at the breakneck speed of the crowd until I was snapped out of my mindless following. I can see him clearly now in my mind's eye: tall-ish, bowl-cut hair, purple t-shirt (with the company ad on the front), pear-shaped Chinese guy with glasses standing in front of the counter at his store...asleep.

Yes. Standing up, not sitting or leaning, but standing up and sleeping. His head was ever so slightly tilted back and to the side and his mouth was ever so slightly hanging open and he was definitely asleep. I know because I checked. To stop would have been to have lost Malcolm and to have caused pedestrian traffic chaos, so I turned around to walk backwards and confirm with Malcolm's brother (who was following a few steps behind) if I'd seen what I'd just seen. A backwards glance and a doubled-over laugh reaffirmed my sighting.

Excellent.

The Bloated Belly
It was six o'clock in the morning and Malcolm, his brother, and I were already having breakfast at the corner restaurant before our day of fishing. The boys were facing me for the better view of the TV and the football game while I was content to face into the heart of the mainly empty restaurant. As any normal person would do, I was letting my gaze sweep my surroundings as I listened to the brothers excitedly talk about the snakeheads we were hoping to catch.

And then, I saw it.

A couple of tables over and a few rows back, there were Indian gentlemen who had finished their meal and were sitting, enjoy each other's company and the football game as well. Nothing wrong with that. Except that the ONE guy sitting, facing me had decided that he had enjoyed hi breakfast so much that instead of undoing the top button of his pants, he was just going to lift his shirt up over his stomach and let his (hairy) belly breathe for a while.

Seriously.

I quickly diverted my eyes and complained aloud to the boys about what I'd just seen. When asked why I was looking there in the first place, I pled the "field of vision" plea but neither of them would turn around to peek and share in my pain, refusing to acknowledge its grossness. But then we had to get up to pay the bill and leave, forcing the two to turn around and share in my misery. We all high-tailed it out of the belly's field of vision in order to do the double-over laugh together.

The Motorcycle Mishap
Though not quite as serious as it sounds, this story is quite straight forward. We were waiting at the intersection to cross. As a crowd amassed around us, the motorcycles amassed at the front of the line of traffic as was customary to see since motorcyclists need not wait in line and can weave their way to the front. We had time to look at them, and they had time to look at us. Or so I thought.

The light changed and we were free to cross in front of their paths. Except for one guy. He crossed...and walked straight into the front tire of the motorcycle (and cyclist) waiting closest to the curb. He was caught so unawares by this collision that he was sent into a full body roll before landing on the crosswalk on the other side of the bike. The cyclist (after he regained his senses from what just happened) moved to help the man to his feet, but ended up staying on his bike as the guy got up and bewilderedly walked away.

"Who put that bike there?"

Too bad the other guy hadn't been wearing a helmet.

RoR

2011-11-12T05:11:00.001-05:00

Ever since dimps had this as her BBM picture, I can't get enough of it. There are a few other versions of it floating around, but I think this one is still the best.

RoR.

The Bathroom

2011-11-12T04:59:00.001-05:00

Here’s the confession: I’m weird about bathrooms. Really I am.

We already know there’s no eating or drinking in there forme. There’s no drinking water from thebathroom tap either – even if I’m outside of the bathroom. But there’s more.

When I was little, I was afraid of the flush. I was afraid of the flush because I was surethat monsters or Bloody Mary herself was set loose by that roaring sound so Ialways used to make sure that it was the last thing I did before tearing out ofthe bathroom (don’t worry, I’d wash my hands first—unless it was a publicbathroom…but I’d still tear out of the stall to the sinks).

If I had to pee before showering, I’d also wait until aftermy shower to flush the toilet. Half ofthat was carry-over from being afraid of the flush while the other half wasfear the pipes messing up. What if thepipes got confused and my flush came out through the showerhead instead?!

Pool bathrooms grossed me out. It was all the wet that was around if you hadto go. The floors were wet, the seatswere wet, and then if you’d already been in for a dip, your bathing suit waswet when you took it off and put it back on. Why was that gross? How do you know it wasn’t PEE?!

While I’ve outgrown the weird flushing habits (kind of hasto happen when you start to share your bathroom with someone else 24/7), theeating, drinking, and over-wetness weirdness has persisted. Why does all of this matter, you wonder?

THIS is why this matters.

I encountered this type of bathroom before in Japan butsomehow never had to use them while there. Now it’s my personal en suite here at Malcolm’s family home. Now EVERYTHING is wet ALL THE TIME.

I seem to have made the adjustment just fine though. I think the saving grace is that wheneverything is wet, I know that either Malcolm or I took a shower, and I knowthat I don’t pee on the floor…and I’m pretty sure that Malcolm doesn’teither. And if I ever have any doubts, Ijust try not to think about it.

Regardless…I always make sure I wipe my feet doubly well onthe mat outside the door after I come out of there.

…

Totally unrelated: I’m watching a kid’s songs CD with the resident 2-year old of thehouse. It’s in English with karaokestyle lyrics at the bottom for her to follow along. It’s horrendous. Absolutely horrendous. The poor kid who’s doing the vocals is SOChinese it hurts – he can’t do the Rs in the songs and I’m pretty sure hedoesn’t know what he’s actually singing because while he’s not TOO out of tune,his timing is way off and he misses words. Poor kid is NOT going to sing these songs right come kindergartentime.

During the storm

2011-11-12T04:40:00.001-05:00

The rain in the tropics is amazing. I’ve just experienced my first Malaysianrainstorm. As the clouds rolled in, thefamily went about getting ready for the storm. Windows were closed, electrical outlets were turned off, drying laundrywas brought in. And then came the rain.

At first it was the same as any rainstorm I’d experienced athome in Toronto. The rain came downsteadily and very slowly began to cut through the humidity of the last 2days. And then it came down a littleharder in a steady downpour of sheets like I’d witnessed in the hardest rainsback home. And then the sky opened upand let down everything it had.

Bucketfuls fell and drenched the world outside. Running to and from the cars parked close toawnings was futile as the runners were soaked through anyway. I know my wipers on high wouldn’t have done athing to clear my windshield if I was driving my Corolla here.

Then the lightning and thunder rolled in—withintensity. It was so intense that afterthe first few lightning strikes I found I was bracing myself for the explosionsof thunder that followed…I’ve never done that before.

The rain fell, the lightning flashed, and the thunderrumbled on and on. Lightning strucknearby more than once and the thunder crashed loud enough to set off car alarmsthroughout the neighbourhood. I plantedmyself on the couch by the open front doors and windows to watch the show. While I was in awe, everyone else just tookit in stride.

After more than half an hour, the rain began to subside. Just as it had crawled in, it crawled awayand left a sopping landscape and cool breeze as a reminder it had been there inthe first place. I missed it already.

Writing to write

2011-11-10T09:33:00.001-05:00

How often is it that I find writing daunting (other than when I used to be faced with 30-page essays with 10am deadlines)? Being on vacation has suddenly made it so. Emails, blogging, travel blogging, status updates...it's a lot to deal with at once! And when you throw in jetlag and writer's block too, it's beyond daunting!

I think just blogging here and now is an attempt to talk myself down into some sort of written sense. Regular blogging will be for fun (and sanity), travel blogging will be to be informative to followers and fellow travelers alike, and emails will be to keep the order away from here. Oh, and status updates will be for posterity. Things like: "I ate a breakfast with drinks for 2 for under $5 CAD, bitches!"

Okay, maybe not the "bitches" part. But things like that.

I think I need a library and Starbucks day.

Mo' money, mo' problems

2011-11-02T12:02:00.001-04:00

Our upcoming epic trip is to include 6 different countries with 6 different types of currency, each of them ridiculously foreign to me, having never really traveled to Asia before (Japan conversion was a simple 'divide by 100' at the time I was there). I was lost enough having to deal with British pounds--I gave up trying to count my own change and simply held out palmfuls of coins to the retailers to pick and choose for themselves--now I have to deal with Ringgit, Baht, Dong, Riel, Rupiah, and HK dollars! While booking our itinerary through the countries of choice, we've been trying to stay within budget which requires doing a lot of conversions between the currencies to remain within reason. When we start our planning and budgeting sessions in the early evening, it's not too bad.

Malaysia = RM = Ringgit = divide by 3 for CAD
Thailand = THB = Baht = divide by 30
Vietnam = VND = Dong = divide by 20,919
Cambodia = KHR = Riel = divide by 4,000
Indonesia = IDR = Rupiah = divide by 8,770
Hong Kong = HKD = Hong Kong Dollar = divide by 7.6

But then it gets really late at night and your brain stops working.

Jumping from Baht to Dong can really mess with your head. All the extra zeros that suddenly start to appear can be really daunting, especially when your next flight comes up at over a MILLION Dong.

"Holy crap, baby! Our flight out of Ho Chi Minh is going to be 1,079,000 VND! That's ridiculous!"
"What is that in CAD?"
"It's ridiculous! It's...*divide by 30*...oh, wait...*recalculate and divide by 20,919*...oh, never mind. It's $51.57."

And then reading up on travel tips to avoid getting scammed I learned that scams seemed to be par for the course in certain parts of Vietnam. I was looking up stories about how to get from Da Nang to Hoi An by bus and found that every post in the forum I was in had mentions of scams, overpricing, and drivers that would hike up prices for foreigners on a whim. I was starting to get upset to learn that drivers were demanding 10,000 VND for an hour long bus ride that should only cost 7,000 VND. That's an additional 3,000 VND! How could they demand such insanely high prices, above and beyond what is POSTED for the ride?!

And then I did the calculation.

They're haggling over 15 cents?

This is going to be one epic journey.

Return Mail

2011-11-01T03:49:00.001-04:00

Dear Universe,

If that was you...thanks, I guess.

...

Glancing at the mail today, I noticed a small envelope addressed "to the resident" of our address. I asked Malcolm if he knew what it was--he didn't. So while I opened a bill, he opened the little envelope and card.

Out fell $40.

The card went on to explain that "like last year" this "independent group of environmentalists" was rewarding us for taking "exceptional care of the shrubs and trees" on our property. I still can't believe this. I'm still expecting someone to pop out and ask for their money back, or to laugh in my face and ask me if I really believed someone out there was giving away money for free.

But so far, nothing. Keep you posted.

An unexpected Treat

2011-11-01T03:28:00.001-04:00

Our first Halloween in the new house was a little too hectic for us to be able to set up shop and hand out candy. Malcolm and I were both out running pre-epic-trip errands and didn't get home until trick-or-treating was happening in full swing. It felt a little weird this year since not only were we not handing out candy, but neither of us had participated in ANY Halloween festivities - I didn't even have the chance to dig out my annual devil-horned headband to wear to work.

Malcolm had gotten home a little before me to give our house-sitter a tour but had had the foresight to keep the outdoor and front room lights off to discourage the candy seekers. I arrived home around 8 o'clock with my haul of stuff shortly after.

I turned on some lights and threw on some comfy shoes because I had to make 3 trips back and forth from the car before I was finally finished bringing things into the house. With our front foyer now a chaos of suitcases and a random assortment of "things," I took a moment to stand and talk to Malcolm and our house-sitter. Not 2 minutes into our conversation, I noticed a little shadow outside the door and the quietest little tapping on the pane.

"Honey, open the door! It's a trick-or-treater!"

"But I don't have candy!"

"I'll get some, just open that door!"

Malcolm fumbled with the lock while I bee-lined for the kitchen. I grabbed a stash of candy I knew was there and flew to the front door to dole out a hefty handful into the open and eager bag of the little princess that stood there.

"Aren't you cute!"

And she was. We watched her make her way back down our steps to the driveway and continued on her way with her mom before we cut the lights and went back into hiding.

However, I was pleased. Unbeknownst to that little princess, she just saved my Halloween.

Pass the TP, please

2011-10-25T13:30:00.001-04:00

I'm staunchly a BlackBerry user, but I gotta admit, those other smart phones sure have cool photo apps...

Redemption Rescinded

2011-10-24T14:40:00.001-04:00

So I was going to write a post about how my Admin Assistant had partially redeemed herself with an amazingly cute belated birthday gift to me (I'm not materialistic, I swear). It was just SO cute and SO neat, but I could not post words to do it justice so I was waiting to have the time to photograph it and share it that way.

Until just now.

"What did you do this weekend?"
"I went out a lot to see people that want to see Malcolm and I before we leave. There was a lot of eating going on."
"Oh. Does that mean you've gained back all your weight?" *innocent giggle because she thinks it's a cute comment*
"No. No it doesn't."

Un-redeemed. And I hadn't even gotten around to her redemption yet.

Dear Universe,

2011-10-20T11:13:00.003-04:00

Dear Universe,

If you could toss a couple of extra bucks my way, that would be groovy and supremely awesome.

Thanks.

On a roll

2011-10-20T02:02:00.002-04:00

So, the other day, I had my pun on. I even had a chance to tell Boo about it (when she finally called me to wish me a happy birthday) to which she laughed, and fully understood:

"Oh, I know, boo. I live on a street called 'Euclid' and every time I see the sign, I think, 'No, YOU clid!''

But then, tonight, I had another moment. Mom was telling me about a friend's sister visiting.

"Yeah, her sister's here now. She's Alona."
"Oh mom, you don't know that she doesn't have any friends; you don't have to call her that."

Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

The little things

2011-10-18T14:36:00.002-04:00

Malcolm asked me out on a date this morning. I said yes.

I'm so 'cited!

Not my birthday, and not my thirtieth

2011-10-18T02:33:00.001-04:00

It's already been said and done, but I wanted to let you know that I had a good one. No party or large celebration today--that was Sunday...or is coming up on the 22nd, depending on who you ask--and no pile o' presents to remind me I'm getting old. It was just right.

I just wanted to say so. I also wanted to post a couple of cool new pictures taken with my cool new camera from Malcolm...but I seem to have left it out of reach of my nice toasty spot in bed...it will have to wait until tomorrow. Instead, I shall share an adorable moment that I already have about a million different versions of...but it just never seems to grow old...

"If I were Brodder, I'd be looking forward to cat-sitting Moo too."

Dye-it DONE!

2011-10-17T11:19:00.002-04:00

Results: a total of 9 pounds lost. Mind you between celebratory dim sum with Txtr and Malcolm and others, and surprise TURKEY b-day dinner at mom & dad's last night (due to Malcolm's keen conniving), who knows how much I've already gained back.

But that was the point, right? To make room for more? :D

QT and Sim-mmmmmaaayyyy are starting today, and $10 says that NoPants will probably give it a whirl before we ALL do it again in 10 days (starting Hallowe'en, of course). Love it. I have a bet with Sim-mmmmaaayyy that she won't last 2 days--she loves snacking and candies too much. And drinking. Hahaha. She started this morning and when I see her tonight, I plan to have a few too many tempting sweets on my person.

See you on the 31st, Dye-it!

Dye-it day 3

2011-10-15T12:51:00.000-04:00

For a little while yesterday, between lunch and dinner, I thought I wasn't going to make it. I admit, I was starving. Normally, I would have just grabbed a snack and said "to hell with it" but I didn't. I REALLY wanted to stick it out and see what this diet could do. So I survived. As soon as I got home from work, I made dinner and wolfed it down (though getting home right after work takes a while with traffic so in essence, I really ate at the proper dinnertime). Crisis averted.

A few movies later and Malcolm and I turned in for the night. I'd thought about stepping on the scale before bed because Malcolm did (and exclaimed that he'd "lost 3 pounds! I've been trying hard to lose anything--this is great!" but I decided to wait until this morning.

True to form, I spent my weekend morning sleeping. I woke once as Malcolm left for work and was convinced I was going to get up...but I succumbed to the beckon of my pillow instead. When I finally did manage to get myself out of bed, I went for my second super-long morning pee and then stepped on the scale as I was brushing my teeth. I squinted at the display, and then decided to go grab my glasses to be sure.

Glasses on, toothbrush still in use, I stepped back on the scale. Once more, I sought reinforcements. I flipped on the light switch. Back to the display.

8 pounds?

That's what I'd see each time. So, since yesterday, I'd lost an additional 5 pounds to make for a grand total weight of 1XX minus 8 pounds?!

Holy crap. Again, I do NOT diet and this was perhaps half diet, half experiment, but holy crap!!!

You bet your ass I'm going to do this again in 10 days!

Quote of the moment

2011-10-14T14:10:00.001-04:00

I asked the 50+ little old lady receptionist at work today,

"Do you know any ways that I can make a quick buck before I leave?"
"Well, it really depends on who you're willing to sleep with."

She never ceases to catch me off guard.

Dye-it day 2

2011-10-14T11:00:00.002-04:00

So, made it through the first day. I don't know how often I used to snack before, but now that I can't, I notice that I have the urge to SO often. Anyway, now I find myself looking forward to every meal, no matter how meager it's going to be. I just finished breakfast a little while ago, and I'm already ready and rearing to devour that cottage cheese with 5 crackers later today.

Is it worth it? Well, we'll really know at the end of it all. But as an in-progress update, I stepped on the scale today to find that I was 1XX minus 3 pounds! Txtr had the same result; Señorita--who cheated a little--lost 1.7 lbs; Malcolm says he's lost nothing.

Due to the diet? Due to super long pee this morning? Sunday morning will tell all.

Dye-it?

2011-10-13T11:54:00.000-04:00

I've never been one to be self-conscious of my weight (except for those two times in my life I was heavily medicated and gained 10 pounds in as many days...) and I love food way too much to ever have the discipline to make a significant nutrition change or to go on a diet. However, this diet has always kept me curious.

It's supposedly the St. Michael's Hospital diet and it's based on a chemical breakdown more than nutrition. I weighed myself this morning to be 1XX lbs (okay, I may not be self-conscious, but I'm still a girl) and I'll give you guys updates based on that. You're supposed to be able to lose anywhere from 5 to 10 pounds over this three day diet. I figure that with Malcolm and I traveling to lands of delicious foods, it couldn't hurt to try to make some more room. We'll see. Breakfast down, lunchtime water break coming up!

P.S. If you'd like to try the diet yourself, message me - I didn't post the entire page simply for aesthetics.

Quote of the moment

2011-10-12T02:29:00.001-04:00

While planning our travel to South East Asia at dinner:

"...yeah, there's a lot of flooding going on in Thailand. I was reading about...uh...Ayuthaiya today."

"No, not really. I slept pretty well last night, actually."

If you don't get it right away, just give it a second. Perhaps say it 5 times fast to yourself. :)

More Gems

2011-10-11T13:44:00.001-04:00

So a little while ago, I posted some Gems from Administration where my lovely administrative assistant would say things (I hope) she didn't really mean that sounded offensive. I have a few more.

"You wearing makeup today? Look good!"
Why, because I look like shit every other day that I don't?

"Oh, smaller lunch container--you on a diet?"
Do you think I need to be on a diet?

I know that she doesn't mean to be offensive, just like a delicious durian doesn't mean to reek, but of ALL the things she observes and decides to make comments on...
...

One more.

I make mistakes--I'm human. I was supposed to create a spreadsheet to total a certain number, and instead, I typoed a couple of numbers and it was way less than I thought. Nothing that can't be fixed right?

"Wow. This is not how much it is supposed to be."

And that was said indirectly to me as she reviewed the recalculation at the printer next to my desk. Classy.

Annnd another...

2011-10-07T12:06:00.000-04:00

"...Owner of a lonely horse,
owner of a lonely horse,
owner of a lonely horse,
owner of a lonely horse..."

No, really, I'm not making this shit up. That is what I used to hear. Why can't horses be lonely too? Can't they have a love song for once?

Yes - Owner of a Lonely Heart

Taking it to the cleaners

2011-10-05T02:40:00.003-04:00

I received an email notice at work today telling me I had to complete an online course about anti-money laundering and anti-terrorist reporting with regards to the financial sector. Dutifully, I logged in and began my e-learning.

"Suspicious transaction indicators can include:
- Accounts with a large number of small cash deposits and a small number of large cash withdrawals.
- Activity far exceeds activity projected at the time of opening of the account
- Client is secretive and reluctant to meet in person..."

Shortly after reading that part, my boss messaged me to check in on how things were going. I told him.

me: I'm doing a money-laundering and terrorist reporting course online...and I'm convinced Mrs. G is a terrorist.

(Mrs. G had been making RIDICULOUSLY large and frequent withdrawals from her accounts lately, pretty much sapping all of her savings)

boss: yeah. She will say she is the victim...
boss: and that Casino Rama is the terrorist.
...

And, while we're on the topic of stuff at work, the other day, I guess I'd been unusually quiet at work for the day because both Bossman and my lovely admin assistant took a moment each to ask me if I was "okay." I totally was, but I guess I'd been in the zone all day and was so focused on getting stuff done that I hadn't taken a moment to notice how quiet I'd been. I mentioned it to another co-worker, Sasquatch.

"So I spend one day in 'the zone,' and everyone freaks out?"
"Well, I guess you're usually so bubbly and loud that everyone noticed when you went quiet."
"But I was just in 'the zone!' I was super productive today!"
"So does that mean usually you're not productive?"

Crap.
...

And while on the topic of just quotes and updates in general, I guess Malcolm took notice that I'd been typing for a while instead of the usual point-and-click surfing of late-nights.

"Why are you typing so much?"
"I'm blogging."
"Oh. Oh yeah? Well, I love you. Blog that."

I did. And I love you too.

How many days hath September?

2011-09-28T23:38:00.005-04:00

There's a sale that I've been frequenting for the last few years - the last time got me quite the haul for cheap! Anyway, the retailer recently re-branded itself and sent out an electronic flyer for their next sale and it wasn't until today when I was trying to coordinate with Txtr which day we should go that I noticed what some boob had managed to screw up on it.

I had a good chuckle and made a point to note it when I forwarded out the email to friends that may have been interested in going. Of all of the people I'd shared it with, my Mother responded with the following:

OMG! See... people like that still manage to get a job. Mind you, they might have to supplement the 'job' with the 'blow' aspect.OMG! M-O-M!!!

Seriously. My mother OMG'd herself. But she was right--I would have OMG'd her myself anyway.

It would be, wouldn't it?

2011-09-28T11:28:00.002-04:00

As per a typical sign off on my work emails to clients, I included "Ifyou need anything further, please do not hesitate to let me know" in my confirmation note to a client this morning. As per a typical client, I didn't expect to receive any word back.

But then, I got a response.

"20pounds of marijuana and some gold would be nice."

It's official...

2011-09-27T01:01:00.001-04:00

...I'm a Gleek. Big time. I'm on episode 13 of season 1. Two sittings, about six hours each. And I can't stop. I don't want to stop. Who doesn't want to cheer for the underdog? Underdogs?

Gawd Rachel's skirts are deceivingly short.

Dear traffic

2011-09-21T18:00:00.001-04:00

I hate you.
3 cars through the intersection per light? Really?!
Argh.
...

Update:
As seen on a status update:
"The only way I can beat traffic is if I punch it in the face."
I like it.

This past Labour Day Weekend

2011-09-07T02:04:00.000-04:00

...was awesome. :)

Quote of the Moment:

2011-08-29T13:20:00.002-04:00

It was on a guy's shirt at the CNE. I smiled.

"If life give you melons, then maybe you're dyslexic."

TGIF

2011-08-26T11:02:00.002-04:00

Though actually, I wish it were Saturday already. :)

There are still 5.5 hours left in the working day. Then I can sleep for 20 minutes on the subway before 2nd work! :/

Me so sleepy!
...

So my admin assistant (the one with all the gems?) prepared a letter for a client yesterday. Apparently she forgot to put the letter in the envelope before sealing it, but she didn't want to waste the stamps she'd already used, so she just opened, inserted, and resealed.

Thank god I flipped the envelope over before I dropped it mindlessly in the mail.

Also, there were 2 sheets of paper in that 9" x 12" envelope with 3 stamps on it. 2 sheets.

Ah, office life.

After the move

2011-08-23T17:51:00.001-04:00

Dear Camera,

Where the eff are you?

mel
...

Reading back some posts makes me totally want to chronicle with pictures!

Quote of the Moment

2011-08-22T17:23:00.001-04:00

He didn't cry, but it wasn't because it wasn't spilled...

"Oh no, no more milk! That's okay though...I got laid!"

It's not like a pony?

2011-08-22T10:59:00.002-04:00

No, it's not "like a pony," it's "Mony-Mony" as the title would tell you, by Tommy James and the Shondells.

What I hear:
"...You make me feel (like a pony) So good (like a pony)..."

Actual lyrics
"...You make me feel (Mony-Mony) So good (Mony-Mony)..."

Don't ponies make you feel good too?

"Hello, you've reached Hello"

2011-08-19T14:28:00.004-04:00

I just called a client. She didn't pick up, but her voicemail did. I was treated to 2 minutes of the song "Electric" by DNC.

Really??

At the end of her generous sound clip, she didn't even name herself or ask me to leave a message. WHAT was that?!

Another nice lady has never listened to her own greeting. She used the one where you just have to record your name and the automated recording inserts it into the greeting for you. You know the one where it goes: "Hello, you reached [insert recorded name]. Please leave a message after the tone."

Yeah, lady recorded "Hello." Just "Hello." No name, no number, nothing. So you reach "Hello" and you have to leave a message. What's worse is that I think you have to end your own recording, so she purposely said "Hello" and then ended her recording, decidedly thinking that was enough.

If you say so

2011-08-19T10:25:00.002-04:00

Listening to Classic Rock on the radio at work, I realize that a lot of songs, I don't actually know the words to--which is not a big deal or anything (since I don't tend to sing along at work). However, I realize that what I've always thought the words were are very off and ridiculous. I've only got three examples right now, but I thought I'd share them and add more when I figure them out. Please keep in mind that I've never known the NAMES of these songs so when I heard them, I had no idea what they were about.

Blue Rodeo - "Bulletproof"
What I heard:
"...I'm not gonna lie about it, I'm not pulling through..."

Actual lyrics:
"...I'm not gonna lie about it, I'm not bulletproof..."

Not bad--pretty close, right? And pretty much along the same lines of thought.

Manfred Mann - "Blinded by the Light"
What I heard:
"...Blinded by the light, ripped up like a douche and I'm running in the night..."

Actual lyrics:
"...Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce; another runner in the night..."

Okay, so I was like "what??" when I first heard the lyrics, yet no matter how hard I listened, I could not hear anything else. However, now, upon googling the correct lyrics, I have discovered that I am not the only one to hear what I heard--though the most common mis-hearing is apparently "wrapped up like a douche." I am not alone.

The Clash - "Rock the Casbah"
What I heard:
"...F*ck the Caspah, f*ck the Caspah..."

Actual lyrics:
"...Rock the Casbah, Rock the Casbah..."

No, I don't know what a "caspah" would have been...a bad pronunciation of Casper? And how the heck did I convince myself that they would let anyone use the F word on the radio so casually? I was perplexed that anyone WOULD allow that. :)

I will add more as they come up (I can never remember them all).

Damn you auto-correct website!

2011-08-13T01:56:00.004-04:00

www.damnyouautocorrect.com

Damn this website. I have spent too many hours hurting my abs over this. Alas, my BlackBerry keyboard is too accurate to be a victim of this level of hilarity. Although, the other day I managed to ask my friend if she went "skyfucing" instead of "skydiving." But that's about as epic as it ever gets for me.

Etiquette down (in) the crapper

2011-08-12T23:33:00.004-04:00

I had just gotten into the ladies' bathroom at work and had settled into my stall when I heard another woman barrel on in. I listened as she closed herself into the stall next to mine (even though there were 2 other farther stalls) and settled herself in as well. Now, I don't know about you, but it's awkward enough having to go do your business (#1 or #2) in a public place, but it's a whole other level of awkward added on top when you know you've got an audience listening in.

However, I shouldn't have felt too awkward after all because I was quite sure of myself that she wasn't listening in. How could I be so sure? Oh, because I heard her speed-dial (good ol' BlackBerry sounds) and strike up a conversation with her daughter.

The extra time I spent in my stall wasn't out of stage-fright or modesty, it was out of disbelief. Not only did this woman not have a problem with carrying on a catching-up-conversation with her daughter in a public bathroom, she was relaxed enough to go full steam ahead and take a massively loud dump--splash sounds and all.

"Hello dear...aren't you going out to Brampton?...but I thought your friend was having a bbq?...*KA-SPLOOSH*...just working until 4 today...*KA-SPLOMB*...that's good...yeah..."

I was totally grossed out and high-tailed it out of there, trying to flush and wash my hands as loudly as I could in protest.

On another occasion, I heard a woman strike up a conversation with the occupant of a stall once she realized it was her co-worker. Awk-ward. How she figured it was her friend in there was beyond me, but I know I get a little flushed (pardon the pun) even when I just run into a co-worker during my enter/exit of the bathroom--how would I feel if someone FIGURED it was me doing my thing in there?

At first I thought I was being picky--I mean, what business of mine is it to be bothered about what people do while doing their business? But then I did a little research and found that it is my business to be bothered. This site let me know that it was not okay for the public bathroom to be used so publicly.

So sixth floor ladies, please keep your shitty conversations to yourself, and keep yourself out of my business, please!

What exactly is it that you do?

2011-08-09T18:37:00.003-04:00

A conversation between Geeb and I today revealed that she wasn't quite sure what my occupation was. I don't blame her--in less than 2 years, I've held 4 different jobs. I'd be surprised if any more than a handful of my friends knew exactly what I was doing at any given time. It was a running joke between Brodder and I that we never knew what our parents ever did for a career either.

Anyway, Geeb came up with a great line:

"You're a job ninja!"

I like it.

We'll steal for free?

2011-08-03T01:54:00.006-04:00

Free Identity Theft

That was the subject title of a work email that went out today from our head office. I'm pretty sure that it was just sent internally to staff and sales teams, but I still thought it was funny. What they were actually talking about was that the company is now offering Free Identity Theft Protection to our clients, but it would seem that the author left out only the most important word.

Funny what a difference just one word makes...
...

On a semi-sidenote, one of our friends has unwittingly coined our new favourite term--we now fondly add the word "fuckin'" in front of anything we're even only vaguely unimpressed by. It all stemmed from a one-sided conversation we clearly overheard our friend having one day on the phone.

*answers phone*

Hello? ... Yeah? ... I'm having lunch. ... With friends. ... Where are you? ... Pick you up? When? ... Can't you get a ride? ... How did you get there? ... Do I have to? ... Fine, whatever. Bye.

*ends call*

Fuckin' mom.

All of us present gasped and had to confirm that she was referring to her own mother.

"Yeah, why?"

Hence, the birth of our new term.

"I have to work tomorrow."
"Fuckin' work."

"Mike's going to be late."
"Fuckin' Mike."

"Man, it's really hot out."
"Fuckin' heat."

The other day we were all at the beach and our friend was using her term very liberally that day, getting a hoot from all of us within earshot. However, when Malcolm called me and I tried to tell him about it, it was funny for another reason.

"Oh my god, honey, you should be here. She's 'fuckin' everyone!"
"..."

Whoops.

A Batty Bedtime

2011-08-02T01:34:00.005-04:00

Ready to sleep, Malcolm and I were cozy in bed. In fact, Malcolm was already snoozing by the time I called down to the cat.

"Moo? What are you doing?"
"What's he doing?"
"I don't know, but he's thumping around a lot."

Being that our cat was prone to odd behaviours at random, we let him be. He'd already quieted down anyway. Malcolm went back to snoozing, and I continued to look up crappy movie lines on the web. I was distracted a second later by what I thought was a shadow in the hallway. I looked up, but of course there was nothing there.

I continued my web perusing, but a second later, I swore I saw something again. My heart was pounding--too many episodes of Ghost Hunters had over prepared me for this moment. Before I let my imagination get out of hand, I woke Malcolm again.

"Honey? Honey, wake up--I think there's something in the hallway."
"What is it?"
"I don't know...a shadow? It's darting around out of the corner of my eye."

Thankfully Malcolm didn't give me the "too much Ghost Hunters" lecture, but instead groggily put his glasses on to join me in my intent staring out the bedroom door. We didn't have to stare long.

"There it is! It's...it's...I think it's a bat?!"

Having confidently identified what was catching my attention, we relaxed. I was glad it wasn't a ghostly intruder, and Malcolm was relieved it was just a bat...so he went back to bed.

"Shouldn't we do something about it?"
"It's just a bat. We can get him tomorrow."

His answer was the kind of answer for a guy. His answer was NOT the kind of answer for a girl. I was already out of bed and putting on my war clothes.

"But what if it gets in our BEDroom?!"

Reaching the door to our room, I carefully peeped my head out into the hallway. Nothing. Keeping my head low, I looked into our upstairs office. Nothing. In the next room, the empty guest bedroom, I saw our cat sitting in the middle of the floor.

"Moo, what are you...argh!"

I instinctively ducked as our winged intruder flew close to the doorway as he frantically circled the room. Ripping the chin-up bar off the door frame, I quickly stepped inside and closed the door. With the light on, I could clearly see the bat; it was flying silent circles around the room in an attempt to find a way out.

I tried to open the window in the room to let it fly out, but found that the window screen was not the type to come out. My next idea was to catch it.

"Honey? Malcolm, can you get me a box?"

As I slipped out of the room to find a box, Malcolm opened the door and took a video.

"This is actually kind of cool!"
"Shut the door! Don't let it out of this room!"

The video completed (and probably already on its way to Facebook), I set to trying to catch the poor guy in the cardboard box I'd acquired. The bat being as fast, panicked and evasive as he was, this was not going to be an easy job. I was making myself dizzy just trying to follow his circular route around the room. Malcolm left me to it. So did Moo.

10 more minutes alone with the bat and I managed to catch him in the box. I was triumphant, but felt sorry for the little guy. He probably went from panicky to down right terrified now that he was closed into a paper box. I wanted to free him as soon as possible.

"Honey, I caught him!"
"Already? I wanted to take another video!"

Needless to say, we filmed his release back into the wild from the end of our front door stairs.

The point to this late-night adventure?

I just caught a m*ther-f*ckin' bat!

Fuck yeah.

U suck, and u'r living in sin

2011-07-28T17:06:00.004-04:00

Maybe it was just me, but I had a somewhat degrading conversation with an acquaintance of mine not too long ago after she got a hold of my BBM contact.

her: I want to invite u to my wedding. what is your mailing address?
her: U bought a house too? Yah me too...poor

me: hehe. well congrats on the wedding and house!
me: our mailing address is [...]
me: where did you move to?

her: We move stuff Jul 18 but I won't live with him until after the wedding!
her: U?

me: Haha, we've already moved in!

her: That's good!
her: Yah r u free Jul 23?
her: Mississauga my bridal shower!
her: 1-4pm!

me: I'll let you know! Send me an email...everything's been so crazy, I'm bound to forget.

her: Busy...well me too..it's normal. I am planning my wedding, got baptized in April, bought a house in May, landed a permanent position at my company and working towards becoming a Director in Mary Kay too! What are you busy with?

What was I busy with? Nothing in comparison before talking to her. But afterward I was busy with a whole wad of self-loathing and feeling sorry for myself for being an apparently sinful underachiever. Thanks for asking.

Happy Travels

2011-07-27T18:45:00.000-04:00

Blajenka's growing up so fast!

Gems from Administration

2011-07-26T12:55:00.003-04:00

So there's an administrative assistant working in our office. She was hired for a few reasons, one of the big ones being the ability to speak 3 other languages--2 which were highly needed to help service a large portion of our clients. Those other 2 languages other than English are her stronger languages, so sometimes things get a little lost in translation when she makes small talk with the rest of us.

Or so we tell ourselves to refrain from punching her in the face. (Okay, we really wouldn't punch her in the face, but we've all paused for a moment too long when receiving her comments.)

To the girl who straightens her hair every morning:
"You should get a [Japanese] straightening perm. You would look better."

To me on Friday mornings:
"Did you play volleyball last night?"
"Yes."
"Oh yes, because you look really tired."

And with the other languages being her stronger ones, sometimes things just do not follow for her in English. In our office, we file our clients by last name; however, the labels on the files are first name first, last name second and once in a while, we'll have a file labeled under the client's company name instead. Even before she started working here, files went missing all the time, but recently a whole bunch of company files disappeared. Another co-worker and I were the ones to take note.

"Have you seen the file for ABC Holdings? It's not filed under 'A'."
"No, but I can't find XYZ Holdings either--it's not in 'X'."

A couple of days later, we found them. They were both under "H."

Yesterday, I had sometime on my hands. I noticed that she hadn't done any filing in a while and so I took all of the paperwork and alphabetized it for her. When she asked for it today, I gave it all to her and explained what I'd done with it when I'd taken it from her desk. She took it to go file and when I saw her again later on, she told me:

"Wow, that makes it so much easier!"

?

Super Super 8

2011-07-14T02:00:00.005-04:00

Now on the other hand, especially compared to the Ma Ba Sploom quality of Transformers (not to say that ALL Ma Ba Sploom movies are not so great--some of them are actually quite good), Super 8 turned out to be quite...super.

What with Spielberg's curiousity for what's beyond, J. J. Abrams and his flare for keeping you in the dark (and his affinity for the use of film flares), and Brian Burk for...whatever it is he does in association with J. J. Abrams, it was a super-satisfyingly good flick. The cast of almost-unknowns was well selected and lent a feel of "these could be real people" to the movie while their stories unraveled slowly enough to keep you guessing, but honestly enough so that you could guess and you wanted to see if you were right.

None of the twists had you rolling your eyes and none of the solutions seemed too pat (one came close, but not too close). I think the hardest part in these "omg did you see that, what the hell was that" movies is the reveal of the "what the hell was that," and 9 times out of 10, the actual thing is WAY less exciting than what you were guessing it was. Super 8, in my opinion, was not quite that 1 time in 10 that you were not disappointed to finally meet what it was, but it wasn't a total "omg THAT'S what it is?" either.

I had a good time falling in love with the characters and their stories for the first time in a slew of movies...it was superbly refreshing.

Is this a movie review? I suppose it is, in a way. What I think it is is me putting down in writing a reminder to myself that not all movies are crap, just the majority of the ones I'm managed to catch in the past little while. Not that I've had many good ones on my recents list.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice - we were testing the DVD for a friend. Thank god the DVD playback f-ed up 1/3 of the way through...I wasn't sure I could take much more of Nicholas Cage, let alone his hair.

Step Up 3 - again, testing it for a friend. Luckily I knew it was f-ed up 1.5 minutes into the movie...and the DVD playback was f-ed up too.

The Prince of Persia - Oh Jake...I bet you're still kicking yourself over turning down the role of Jake Sully to "act" in this movie instead.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - Actually, I really liked this movie. Aside from Toronto-spotting throughout the film, it was a lot of fun and super-nerdy which I heart. Oh, and Michael Cera kicks ass--in the movie too.

The Wolfman - A lot of people I've spoken to about this movie disagree with me and say it was a good movie. I guess I had much higher expectations for Benicio and Sir Anthony...and Agent Smith. The graphics weren't good enough to make me believe and the story wasn't strong enough to keep me interested. I stick to my guns on this one--it was wholly meh.

What's next on the list? Date nights with the Mister are to still include X-Men: First Class (James McAvoy? Why not?), Cowboys vs. Aliens (I'd watch it for Olivia at home, but otherwise definitely the Mister's pick), and Captain America (thankfully I have a soft spot for titillating super-movies). I'd love to finally watch last year's winners and nominees, especially The King's Speech, but alas I am not the downloading master. Besides, it's probably better that way--the house is still in such a disarray...

Ma Ba Sploom!

2011-07-14T01:01:00.005-04:00

Michael Bay's Explosions

Sometimes the guys on Robot Chicken really just hit the nail on the head, don't they? I saw this episode a billion years ago, but Malcolm and I still refer to it when we're talking about movies that don't do much except blow shit up. Michael Bay is king at it.

We went out to watch Transformers 3 the other night with Fedora, Lybia, and Txtr and had it not been for all of the ma-ba-sploom parts, I might have slept through the end of the movie. I guess that's all I have to say about that.

A second wave of bombing

2011-06-26T15:33:00.004-04:00

Bombed

2011-06-23T00:29:00.004-04:00

In editing a few pictures for some friends these past two nights, it dawned on me that I now have enough photoshop ability to photobomb.

So I did.

Beware the Lucha-bomber!

Fog and mirrors

2011-06-21T13:16:00.004-04:00

Having been having a tough week or so, I've been exhausted. Mentally and physically. It's been straining on every part of me, including my relationship. But after some warm words and straight talk last night, I was starting to feel better, even though I passed out fully clothed on top of the bed spread last night--on Malcolm's side of the bed, no less.

This morning I woke and unwillingly dragged myself out of bed and into the shower, trying to wash away the negativity I was already building up for the day. Stepping out of the shower, a message greeted me through the fog on the mirror. What I first mistook for a dirty fingerprint turned out to be a familiar touch and a much needed message.

"I ♥ U"

Hammertime

2011-06-10T15:12:00.004-04:00

Dear Friends,

Thank you for being there when I need you most. For staying with me when I'm scared. For giving me logic when I can only be scatteredly irrational. For the calm when I'm the storm. For keeping me sane when I'm losing my shit. For making me laugh when I've been doing nothing but frowning. For understanding when I'm carrying a hammer around in the house, shower, and to bed with me because I just have to.

I heart you guys.

A moment

2011-06-09T19:18:00.003-04:00

Okay. Since yesterday and my stolen moments on Malcolm's laptop (which doesn't have a name yet...strange), I've regrouped and recentred. I'm back on top and I'm doing fine. I'm doing okay. Alright, whatever--but I'll be flying high after my date night with the Mister tomorrow. :)

What the hell has happened over the last month that I've been more than AWOL? Sheit, I don't even know where to begin anymore. But I can tell you that the whole time that it's been happening--that LIFE'S been happening--I've had a good many intents to tell you all about it. I've even written a lot of these moments down in my mind. To remind myself that it's actually happening. That my life is actually happening. That I'm living and not just dreaming.

Let's begin with a warm moment, shall we?
...

The Past

Popeye's chicken it was. I can't remember where we were going or what we were doing, but Malcolm and I were starving. An off-handed comment struck up visions of fried chicken and, not being able to shake the craving, we caved in to googling like mad on our smart phones to find the closest outlet to serve us pieces of poultry. Pulling up in front of the brightly fluorescent store, something struck me about the plaza. It wasn't until we'd ordered our food and made ourselves comfortable by the windows to wait for the friers to work their magic that I realized what it was.

"I think mom and dad mentioned that some old family friends own that sushi restaurant over in the corner."
"Oh yeah? Why don't go you in and check--I'll meet you over there when the food's ready."
"I think I will. See you in a second."

I headed off across the cool parking lot towards the restaurant. I was a little nervous--despite my outward nature, I always got a little out of character when meeting with people I didn't really know and didn't know how to interact with. Honestly, without someone to back me up with a proper introduction, I could be down right shy.

These family friends were actually friends of my parents from over 20 years ago. They'd gotten to know each other when my dad and Mr. Park used to work at the post office together and our families would get together quite often for dinner and social calls since they had 2 sons that were about the same age as Brodder and I.

But that was 20 years ago. I hadn't seen them for that long, and they hadn't seen me and who knew if they'd actually remember me. I could barely even remember Mr. or Mrs. Park's first names. But already more than halfway across the parking lot, I couldn't back down then. Besides, I'd recently secretly resolved to myself that I'd be more fearless and less shy and quit backing down from silly little interactions like this. What was the worst that could happen?

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

It was much darker inside the sushi restaurant than it had been at Popeye's--I was the only one inside. A wind chime hung on the door softly tinkled to let the proprietors know I'd entered. A voice with a soft Korean accent called from the kitchen.

"Hello?"
"Hello?" I answered with a question mark. I waited until someone came out to greet me before I continued. A petite woman came out from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. Her hair was greying and she seemed much shorter than I remembered, but I had probably grown a least a foot since I'd seen her last. But her kind eyes and welcoming smile were familiar enough.
"Mrs. Park? I don't know if you remember me, but I'm melody. Mother and Father's daughter?"

It didn't even take a split second for the realization of who I was to set in. The kind welcome on her face changed to one of elated disbelief. She took both of my hands in hers and held on tight as though I might have disappeared for another 20 years if she didn't.

"melody!" she exclaimed. She turned to the kitchen doorway and called to the back in Korean. "Appa! melody's here!"

Another figure emerged from the kitchen. Again, this figure was shorter than I remembered and his hair had gone grey too, but his eyes recognized mine in that same less-than-split-second of time.

"Hello, melody!" he greeted me. Mrs. Park let go of my hands only long enough to let Mr. Park take hold of my forearms in what wasn't quite an embrace, but what still brought me close. He squeezed my arms just as tightly as his wife had before him--I was warmed.

Comfortable now in their presense, my nervousness having melted away with the familiarity of their voices and the warmth of their welcome, I told them about how Malcolm and I had just been in the area and how I'd recalled mom and dad speaking about the restaurant and how I'd thought I'd just take a chance that it was them. I asked after them and their business, after their 2 sons, after their health. They told me all I asked and returned the questions; the whole time their eyes wandered over my face as though they were memorizing every detail for the next 2 decades, Mr. Park never letting his hold slip on me.

The time flew by and the realization that Malcolm was already waiting for me outside in the car caught me by surprise. I regrettably excused myself and unwillingly said my goodbyes. It was just as unwillingly that they let me go. I waved and sent farewells continuously as I backed out of the restaurant, holding on to their gazes for as long as I could.

Once more in the cool of the parking lot, and then the safety of the car, Malcolm asked me how it'd went.

"It was really, really nice."
"Good."

Very.

Moving Pains

2011-06-08T23:26:00.002-04:00

I can't find my journals, I can't find paper, and Chickie is STILL in repairs (why hasn't that guy emailed me back yet?). I'm suffocating from lack of creative outlet. I don't even have my music playlists anymore due to over-excited iPod synching. My point 'n' shoot camera viewer doesn't work (not that I actually know where it is anyway) and I just can't seem to get things done for me lately.

I need a vacation.

Seven days

2011-05-20T14:51:00.001-04:00

...until we get keys to our new home!

I can see clearly now...wait a second....

2011-05-04T14:02:00.004-04:00

The past few nights I've been going to sleep ridiculously late. Part of the reason is getting caught up in all of the packing excitement for moving to the new house, the other part is trying to spend time with Malcolm while work has him on this ridiculously late schedule which is practically the opposite of mine. Last night, right after our 11 pm dinner, I passed out on the couch. Malcolm gently nudged me off to bed later on, probably at around 4 am. I rolled into bed in a barely conscious state and stayed there until morning.

Getting up this morning, I was greeted by beautifully bright sunshine streaming in from all the windows. I peeked out every window while brushing my teeth; I looked at the sunshine, I looked at the cloudless sky, I looked at the cars passing on the street, I looked at the passers-by on the sidewalks. I was thrilled to see it all!

Wait a second, I can SEE it...

I scurried back into the bathroom. Yup. I had slept with my contacts on. Greaaaaaat.

There's always a bright side

2011-04-28T01:17:00.003-04:00

Quote of the Moment:

2011-04-18T15:23:00.002-04:00

"The stars are so aligned I only see 1 star!"
--Malcolm, in response to me saying the stars had aligned for us and our new home

KDS

2011-04-11T01:10:00.002-04:00

1099 + 1 = 1100

Not 2000.

I can't count afterall. :(

Kinda dumb some (2000) times

2011-04-09T21:21:00.004-04:00

So, remember that horoscope about myself that I posted oh so long ago? It has the comment about Libras being "kinda dumb sometimes?" Well, for a while now, I've been trying to find great examples about my "KDS" moments because I KNOW I've had them my whole life.

I remembered one today.

Malcolm and I had gone out to Elora and then out to St. Jacobs for a little getaway last year. We were in this huge barn FULL of all sorts of antiques and were making our way through them when we came across a case full of all kinds of pipes. We gawked at how many different kinds there were and all the different accessories that were packed into the case with them.

Off to the side of the case, I noticed a few packs of familiar craft items.

Upon seeing them, I thought to myself, "Hmmm, that's strange. I wonder why they would put pipe cleaners in the same case as the pipes?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
O. M. G.

THAT'S why they're called pipe cleaners!!!

See? Kinda dumb sometimes.
...

AAAAAAAAAnd, this is my 2000th post. :) At least I can count.

(Un)Commonly Mispronounced Words

2011-04-08T13:06:00.006-04:00

Brodder and I like to purposely mispronounce: paté (as "payt") and lasagna ("la-sag").

Boo and I do Chipotlé as "chi-po-tl".

Malcolm and I mispronounce everything: got = gotted, learned = learnd-ed...the list really goes on...it's our own language, really.

Visitors to Toronto call Spadina "Spa-dee-na."

And then at work the topic (of "Ja-la-pen-o") came up and someone had a great one:

"My girl friend walked in with her kids to a fast food restaurant and seeing poutine on the menu, she said 'I'd like two orders of poontang, please.'"

They definitely do not serve that at our cafeteria.

If it was meant to be

2011-04-08T10:45:00.003-04:00

For whatever reason, Malcolm and I knew this was the season to start our search for our house. We just knew. So, back at the beginning of March, we met with our real estate agent to talk about starting to look for a house.

"Where do you guys want to live?"

We had no idea. We gave him vague boundaries. From Elgin Mills to Lake Ontario, from Yonge to Whites Road...but really, we were really cool with anywhere. I worked centrally to all of those boundaries and Malcolm worked from home. I wanted TREES and a "real" neighbourhood, Malcolm wanted a garage and lots of space. Could we have any fewer requirements?

"Have you thought about out east? Like, Brooklin?"

At first, we made faces. "Isn't that really far?" But we listened. I think the tipping factor that persuaded us (me, mostly) was that Señorita (whom many of you will remember as my bestest gal from the beginning of time) just bought her place out that way.

"Tell you what. We'll go out and look at a neighbourhood at a time--if you don't like the neighbourhood, then we'll cross it off the list and narrow it down that way."

Fair enough. And so began our house hunting. Of all of the things I told myself when we set out that first day to start looking, I told myself "just don't love the first one, just don't love the first one." And of course the first house we walked into in Brooklin, I loved. :) BUT, we kept looking because it was the wise thing to do--it may have had a garage and felt like it was in a real neighbourhood, but there weren't enough trees, being a newer development. A few days out and a number of homes later, I still liked the first one. Over the next weekend, we scoured the listings to see what else was out there. I had my favourite, and Malcolm had his. We sent our picks to the realtor so we could see them on our next outing, optimistic we'd already narrowed it down to two or three already!

But then.

"I'm so very sorry, guys, but my mother passed away this weekend and I will be taking a week off. If you would like to go out to see more homes, I'd be happy to set you up with a colleague of mine, but I hope you understand."

Man. We really liked our real estate agent and we really didn't want anyone else, so we decided that we'd wait for him. If any of those houses were mean to be ours, they'd still be there after the week.

So we waited.

Oh man. When we got back into it the next week, we were a little rattled: EVERY house on our list, right down to the 7th and 8th "meh" picks, were sold. We were a little frustrated. But hey, we'd both decided that we wanted to wait, so while we were bummed out (like SUPER bummed out), we kept our chins up and kept looking. If it was meant to be, it'd happen, right?

We saw nothing we liked on the first day out. We saw one house that was a strong "maybe" on the second night, but I vetoed it because it wasn't PERFECT and I strongly suspected we thought of it as a "maybe" because we were just so dejected at the time. Talk about stressful. It was a wonder if we were ever going to find something that we could afford that we BOTH liked and that had everything we BOTH wanted. Having poured over the mls website constantly for the last month as well as studying every listing that our realtor sent us each night, it felt like we were out of options already; it felt like we'd already seen all of the good ones.

Setting up for a Thursday outing, we'd come up with only 2 listings to see. Almost as a throwaway addition to just make the outing worth it, I asked Malcolm what he thought about seeing a listing that didn't have any pictures online except for an exterior photo. The description was "beautifully renovated throughout the house!" Yeah, sure--is that why you haven't posted any pictures of the inside? But hey, while we were in the neighbourhood... Our trip that day would start off up north in Brooklin, take us past the "throwaway house" in North Whitby, before landing us by the lake where our 3rd choice was.

The Brooklin house was unique, but not a wower. The North Whitby house was next. We pulled into the neighbourhood and started winding our way through the streets toward the house. The TREE lined streets. We found the house and pulled up into the driveway and parked in front of the DOUBLE CAR garage. And when we got inside, it was over. It WAS beautifully renovated. We wandered through the hardwood-ed main floor, the retro-y basement ("Honey, there's a SAUNA in here!") and the 4 bedrooms upstairs for quite sometime. We walked through the reno'ed kitchen and out onto the deck out in the big backyard. I even wandered past the answer machine in time to hear another real estate agent leaving a message to apologize that they were not going to be able to make it out that night to see the house.

This was it.

We hadn't even meant to REALLY look in Whitby, let alone at a house with ONE picture of it, but we were both in love. And having learned from the last time we waited, we weren't going to wait again. Malcolm told our realtor that we'd be back the very next day to see the house with my parents in the afternoon, and that we'd more than likely be making an offer right after. We were so excited! We'd finally found it! It was meant to be!

All the arrangements were made: our agent was making the appointment for the next afternoon, and I'd called my parents and they were ready to come out for a look. My phone rang the next day--Friday morning--with the real estate agent's number.

"Mel, I'm so sorry. You're not going to believe this, but the house was sold conditionally last night."

My heart sank. Apparently the house had been sold to a young couple whose only condition was not even upon financing but upon "their dad seeing it and approving it." Come on--whose parents WOULDN'T approve this house? If we'd known that was a legitimate condition, WE could have done that last night. Lame. But that didn't change the fact that they'd beat us to it and we'd lost not JUST another house, but THE house. OUR house. :(

I didn't want to do any work for the rest of the day. I could only imagine how Malcolm was feeling at home. We spoke briefly on the phone during work and I knew his outlook wasn't good. My co-workers heard the news and were consoling me. "It just wasn't meant to be then. If it was meant to be, then it will happen." When I got home that afternoon, Malcolm didn't want to talk about it. I'd managed to get over most of the disappointment and had already started through the listings again, but neither of us could agree on anything, and really, we didn't want to see anything else. After a spat about whether or not to change our agent, I called a girlfriend over for some wine, and Malcolm left to play poker with the guys. I tried to stay positive.

"Honey, if it was meant to be..."
"If I hear that line one more time..." I got it. Me too. We were not happy.

Before my girlfriend arrived, I called our agent to plan our next move. Should we have put in an offer that first night when we saw it? Should we just put conditional offers on everything we see from now on?

"It was just bad luck. Don't worry, Mel, if it was meant to be..."

Yeah, yeah, I know. I hung up the phone and started to get ready for a run to the LCBO. A serious run. Waiting by the door for my friend, my phone rang again. I frowned at the number--it was our agent.

"Mel, you're never going to guess what happened..."

THE HOUSE WAS BACK ON THE MARKET!!!

Apparently the couple that had beat us to the punch was hoping to be able to put an apartment into the basement to help finance the home that was otherwise too expensive for them. Their dad was coming in to inspect the house to see if a separate entrance could be put in. Malcolm and I had been thinking the same thing--just for extra income--but when we looked at the house and saw the layout, we knew it wasn't possible, but of course we loved the house anyway and we didn't need tenants, so we didn't care. But when their dad saw it couldn't be done, it broke their deal and we were IN!

The agent asked me if we were still interested. I told him YES, but that I'd check with Malcolm and where he was and get back to him. I called Malcolm and he answered from his car.

"Hey honey."
"Hey."
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay. I feel better."
"Okay. Well, I just spoke to the agent--the deal fell through and the house is back on the market. He wants to know if we want to put an offer on it still."

Before I'd even finished my sentence, I swear I could hear the tires squealing as Malcolm pulled a u-turn wherever he was.

"I'm on my way home!"

Malcolm got home seconds before the real estate agent arrived and off we went to sign the deal. That was at 10:00 pm. Before the day was done, we were homeowners!

"Honey, it was meant to be."
"It was."

Pushing on full throttle

2011-04-04T21:02:00.005-04:00

When the tsunami hit Japan, I didn't blog. I had feelings about it, but I guess I just didn't have time. I watched a few videos that made my stomach turn and I anxiously awaited for email updates from friends who were in and around Tokyo. After everyone rang in safely, all there was to do was to watch the news and stay posted until the initial hysteria calmed.

And now it's calm.

In the calmness, it's easy to forget that the aftermath is still going on. That the towns are still in ruins, that people are still without homes, that communities are isolated from each other without food or water.

And then stories like this surface and remind you of all of that. But at the same time, it lifts your heart to the spirit of human survival, to the love of a long life and fond memories.

"My feeling at this moment is indescribable," he says with glistening eyes. "I talked to my boat and said you've been with me 42 years. If we live or die, then we'll be together, then I pushed on full throttle."

Quote of the Moment:

2011-04-04T11:24:00.003-04:00

"I'm doing fine just like my hair, thank you."
-- A client's response to my inquiry of how he was doing today.

Family forward

2011-03-24T15:18:00.004-04:00

From: Mother
To: Many various family members
Subject: Fw: [Bulk] 2011

This year we're going to experience four unusual dates. 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 and that's not all...Take the last two digits of the year in which you were born -now add the age you will be this year, and the result will be 111 for everyone...!! This is the year of Money..!!! This year October will have 5 Sundays, 5
Mondays and 5 Saturdays. This happens only every 823 years... These particular years are known as 'Moneybags'... The proverb goes that if you send this to eight good friends (already today translated from the Brazilian version..!) money will appear in the next four days as is explained in Chinese feng-shui... Those who don't continue the chain won't receive.. it’s a mystery, but it’s worth a try.. Good luck.
"I GET BY GIVING"

----------

From: melody
To: Mother, Dad, Brodder
Subject: Re: Fw: [Bulk] 2011

1. When the term "[BULK]" appears in a subject title, you KNOW this thing has gone around the world to EVERYONE'S inbox.
2. If I did the same adding thing with my age last year, it would have come out to 110...*gasp*
3. Chinese people will never say anything LUCKY will happen in FOUR days.

IT'S A CHAIN EMAIL!!! Don't forward them, mom. :(

----------

From: Brodder
To: Mother, Dad, melody
Subject: Re: Re: Fw: [Bulk] 2011

I skipped over the original email and went straight to mel's. I don't have to read both to know that hers was infinitely more interesting.

Gleeking out

2011-03-23T01:48:00.003-04:00

I'm still up. It started with an episode of Glee earlier tonight (yesterday, I guess). So, that got my musical buds going. Then, while waiting for the water to boil for my before-bed-brew, I left the TV on Top Movie Moments of our Time (it's actually still recording right now) and what do you know, they had a Top 5 Musical Movies. I think it went something like:
5. West Coast Story
4. Singing In the Rain (during which they mentioned Glee's recent take on it)
3. The Wizard of Oz
2. Grease
1. The Sound of Music

And with the mention of the number one movie musical, they put out there that as nerdy as The Sound of Music may be, it still gets its own singalongs in the theatre, people voted it number one, and it's been the theme of a huge flash mob.

Huge flash mob? This I have to see. So I saw.

And then I found that Glee had their own flash mobs. This one had the best reactions:

This one had the most fricken people:

This one was in Toronto:

And finally, I'm IN this one (beware the CRAPPY quality--in fact, don't watch until you read on):

Okay, I'm KINDA in that one. I was one of those bewildered bystanders, just returning from Mexico with Malcolm, dimps and Geeb. Our first appearance is at 2:09 at the bottom of the screen. Malcolm's yellow backpack and Geeb's gracefully long neck gives us away. :)

Anyway, I'm still at it.

Boobing

2011-03-14T23:55:00.002-04:00

I have been glued to the tube these past few days. I don't know what it is. It's not like there's anything in particular that I can't rip myself away from, but I just can't seem to stop watching. I'm usually WAY more productive than this, but yet, here I am, STILL in front of the TV. :p

I think I just want to learn something.

Textbook reading is so boring. And how am I going to KNOW what I want to read? Internet reading is resourceful and far-reaching, but it's tough to read off the screen (no, not a subtle cry for an e-reader). And what about the stimulating conversation? The intellectual bantering and debate?

Hmphf.

I'm not frustrated or anything, I'm just looking for a thrilling challenge (oh god, I think I'm the only one who finds learning a "thrilling challenge"...)

The minor fall, the major lift

2011-03-10T13:58:00.002-05:00

Ah, what the he...ck. :)

Song of the Moment: "I need a Doctor" - Dr. Dre feat. Eminem & Skylar Grey

2011-03-10T12:24:00.003-05:00

I'm about to lose my mind
You've been gone for so long
I'm running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life

I told the world, one day I would pay it back.
Say it on tape and lay it, record it, so that one day I could play it back.
But I don't even know if I believe it when I'm saying that.
Doubt startin' to creep in, everyday it's just so grey and black.
Hope, I just need a ray of that
'Cause no one sees my vision
When I play it for 'em, they just say it's whack.
But they don't know what dope is.
And I don't know if I was awake or asleep when I wrote this.
All I know is you came to me when I was at my lowest.
You picked me up, breathed new life in me. I owe my life to you.
Before the life of me, I don't see why you don't see like I do.
But it just dawned on me; you lost a son. See this light in you? It's dark.
Let me turn on the lights and brighten me and enlighten you.
I don't think you realize what you mean to me, not the slightest clue.
'Cause me and you, we're like a crew. I was like your sidekick.
You gon' either wanna fight when I get off this f-cking mic,
Or you gon' hug me. But I'm out of options, there's nothing else I can do cause...

I'm about to lose my mind
You've been gone for so long
I'm running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life

It hurts when I see you struggle.
You come to me with ideas.
You say that these are pieces, so I'm puzzled.
'Cause the sh-t I hear is crazy,
But you're either getting lazy, or you don't believe in you no more.
Seems like your own opinions, not one you can form.
Can't make a decision, you keep questioning yourself,
Second guessing, and it's almost like your begging for my help.
Like, I'm YOUR leader.
You're supposed to f-cking be MY mentor.
I can endure no more!
I demand you remember who you are!
It was YOU, who believed in me,
When everyone was telling you, don't sign me.
Everyone at the f-cking label, lets tell the truth.
You risked your career for me, I know it as well as you.
Nobody wanted to f-ck with the white boy...
Dre, I'm crying in this booth.
You saved my life, now maybe it's my time to save yours.
But I can never repay you, what you did for me is way more.
But I ain't giving up faith, and you ain't giving up on me.
Get up Dre! I'm dying, I need you, come back for f-ck's sake

I'm about to lose my mind
You've been gone for so long
I'm running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life

It literally feels like a lifetime ago
But I still remember the sh-t like it was just yesterday though
You walked in, yellow jump suit
Whole room, cracked jokes
Once you got inside the booth, told you, like smoke
Went through friends, some of them I put on
But they just left, they said was riding to the death
But where the f-ck are they now
Now that I need them, I don't see none of them
All I see is Slim
F-ck all you fairweather friends
All I need is him
F-cking backstabbers
When the chips were down, you just laughed at us
Now you bout to feel the f-cking wrath of aftermath, faggots
You gon' see us in our lab jackets and ask where the f-ck we been?
You can kiss my indecisive ass crack maggots and the crackers ass
Little cracker jack beat making wack math,
Backwards producers, I'm back bastards
One more CD and then I'm packing up my bags and as I leave
And I guarantee they'll scream, Dre don't leave us like that man cause...

I'm about to lose my mind
You've been gone for so long
I'm running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life
Bring me back to life
Bring me back to life
...

It's eerie, it's chilling, and it's heart-wrenching. Their words plead and her voice pulls and my stomach knots in emotions that I can feel but that aren't really mine.

Wheeling pregnant rumours

2011-03-06T00:55:00.006-05:00

A week ago, Roomie BBMed me.

Roomie - Hey, how are you?
Me - not bad, what's up?
Roomie - Nothing much...anything new with you?
Me - Nah, same old.
Roomie - Are you sure?
Me - Yeah...
Roomie - Are you SURE there's nothing else new?
Me - Nothing really. Though Malcolm and I are starting to look for a house.
Roomie - A house with a nursery in it?!
Me - What?!

Apparently someone at the office I used to work with was spreading the rumour that I was pregnant. I thought it was the most hilarious thing I'd heard in a long time. And as ridiculous as it was, and even though there was not an ounce of truth to it, Roomie and I let it make our day.

Roomie - Aw, I'm a little sad that it's not true, but that totally made my morning!
Me - Me too!

Roomie and I kept in touch the rest of the day as she tried to dig up the origins of the rumour and I spread it around a little further.

me - HONEY!
me - Someone's spreading BABY rumours about us! hahahahaha
Malcolm - what?
Malcolm - who?
me - I don't know....Roomie just BBMed me and asked me ..."...what's new??? and when I told her "not much" she said "Are you SURE?!"
me - LoL!
me - she says she was "snooping through yours and Malcolm's Facebook for clues." LOL

It turned out later that Roomie traced the rumour back to the receptionist at the office who, after trying to point the roots to be from one of the other girls in the office, conceded to saying "I guess I just dreamed it or something."

Lame.

But the rampant imaginations of Malcolm and ehbaba (because news of the rumour reached her on the other side of the globe by the time I got home) were definitely NOT lame.

----------
From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: rumour

so awesome that someone would bother to make shit up and spread it around

more awesome that your old boss called HS to find out

malcolm and i figured you should tell people you are having siamese/conjoined triplets...that are joined head to toe
malcolm thought the would have to slither to walk
i think doing the worm may be a more effective method to get around

congratulations on your triplet worm

----------
From: melody
To: ehbaba
Subject: Re: rumour

wtf.

Seriously. I have NO idea who would even come up with the notion that I'm pregnant. I know I've gained weight since working there, but no way close to enough to consider a baby-bump. Definitely spare-tire-ish, but not baby-bump-ish.

Apparently it started with Miss Universe, who, after thinking about it longer gave the explanation: "Oh, I guess I dreamt it or something."

But yeah, it totally made my day. I was so exited to tell you about it--but I see news travels fast overseas too!

Thanks for the well-wishes. We were actually going to teach our triplet worm to hold on from end to end and roll like a tire to get around most efficiently. However, realizing that this might take a while to get a hang of, doing the worm might work for the first few years--as long as we don't ask T to teach them how.

----------

From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: Re: Re: rumour

O M G

Triplet wheel >>>> Triplet worm!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
can't believe i don't have that video anymore!

----------

The amusement didn't last much more than that first day. By the next day, Friday, everything went pretty much back to normal, and the receptionist has yet to have another wild dream of sorts to share. However, Malcolm and I did share a little about it since the rumour brought it up.

me - That'd have been awesome though, wouldn't it?
Malcolm - yeah, that would be awesome :D

Worming through it

2011-03-05T23:55:00.003-05:00

There's a story that I want to tell you about, but first I have to tell you another story. It's not that this one plays a big part of anything, but I think it deserves a mention because it continues to resurface time and time again in our volleyball memories.

And it's unfortunately one of those stories that you had to be there for.

Years ago, our volleyball team had a coach. He spent one practice trying to get us to refine our diving techniques. Describing it, he wanted us to learn to dive gracefully--chest on the ground first, then stomach and legs to follow. It was basically like doing the worm.

It was understandably a little awkward, but after just a short while on the mats, most of the girls got it. Except for T.

Her many attempts were in earnest, but she never got the grace of it. Not once. Over and over again, she jumped up, and flopped straight down. Jumped up, and flopped straight down. Many of the other girls were in tears, and ehbaba did her best to stay steady enough to capture a video of it on her phone. Unfortunately, the video has since been lost, so I tried to find an accurate representation of the event with google. This is the closest I got.

It was epic. Over and over again she flopped onto that mat. Enough so that none of the girls have ever forgotten it. Enough so that all of the girls that knew there was a video, rue the loss of that video. So now you know, and now I can continue with stories about me. :)

84 Inches

2011-03-01T10:51:00.004-05:00

The other night, Malcolm and I went to take the Subie through the car wash. It was 11:00 at night and according to the number of cars in the line up ahead of us, we were in for a 35 minute wait. We were tired and a little goofy minded by the time we pulled up to the spot that said we were next. Admiring our surroundings (because there was little else to do) we noticed the height restriction sign at the top of the entrance to the car wash.

"84 inches?"

Who does that? Everyone knows their car clearance height as "X feet, Y inches," but to know it strictly in INCHES? They expect me to be able to do math AND drive at the same time?

"84 inches? Okay, so that's 12 into...carry the 2...which makes it..." *smack* (the sound of me driving into the low clearance roof because I couldn't calculate fast enough if I would make it or not...that, or insert the sound of blaring horns because the people behind me are held up and pissed off because I now have to back out since I've made the calculation and have decided my car won't clear it.)

We were pretty belligerent about the measurement units (since we had nothing better to do after 35 minutes in the car).

"84 inches? What the hell kind of measurement is that?"
"84 inches? They might as well have put it in centimetres."
"84 inches? It would have been better if they put a clown sign there that read 'you must be shorter than this height to enter the car wash.'"

Needless to say, we entered the car wash with lots of clearance for the car and got the car cleaned--only for me to drive it to work the next morning through the muddy highways to bring it back to being as dirty as square one.

Far Side of the Mornings

2011-02-16T09:58:00.005-05:00

Every so often, Malcolm and I carpool into work together. On those days, I have to get up extra early and by the time I get to the office after dropping Malcolm off, not only does my body still want my bed, but my brain needs a rest too. On the way in to our workplaces, we listen to AM 640 in his car. At that time in the morning, the John Oakley show is on and that guy has always got an interesting topic of some sort or another. Whatever it may be, Malcolm and I (I still in a half-sleeping daze) listen to the questions and the callers and share our own takes on them.

Should the landscapers who had their snowplow stolen and used to run down that officer be charged with idling? (HELL, yeah!) Should the Minister of whatever-it-was step down after vetoing funds to certain organizations (something she totally has the authority and DUTY to do) which saved the government millions of dollars but which she initially denied? (Yeah, she should—she was probably good at crunching the numbers, but not of a strong enough character to lead a portion of our government.) Should the guy who had a hand in the assassination of the founding father of Bangladesh, who now resides in a condo in Etobicoke, be extradited from Canada back to his country where he faces the death penalty? (Yes. The man is a murderer. Would you like to know your neighbour is a murderer and that the Canadian government is not doing anything to see this man punished? Okay, so we don’t want to send the man to his death—though Amnesty International says it was a fair trial in absentia—but we can’t just let him wander free…then all criminals facing the death penalty for their crimes in their countries will just run here.)

So I leave the house physically exhausted only to arrive at the office mentally drained. But dang me if it isn’t great conversation.

Side Note: Gary Larson rocks. I'm fairly confident that I’ve read every last one of his Far Side Galleries. They’re great.

Spicy love

2011-02-11T00:52:00.003-05:00

Mom handed me a bag the other day.

"A Valentine's present for you guys, just in case we don't see you before Monday."

I brought it home, but forgot to tell Malcolm what the gift was all about, so he accidentally peeked a little early (it was in a Christmas gift bag), but I'm SO glad he did.

Look!

Aren't they cute?!

Not only are they adorably unique salt and pepper shakers, but the kitty looks like Moo! Perfect. :)

Super skin

2011-02-10T11:15:00.003-05:00

With the amount of skin that I shed in a single day, I swear you could build another human shell out of it. It's ridiculous.

Skin and I are not friends at the moment. We're working on re-building our relationship, but it's still tense at best.

To make myself feel better about all the eczema and shedding of skin, I have convinced myself that I have a small superpower to explain it with: I have the ability to grow skin at 10x the normal speed. This explains why I can shed so much and still not be a walking being of just exposed muscle. And because I grow skin so fast, I have to shed it, otherwise it will just amass into a super-coating of shell-like quality, restricting my free movement.

It's tough being a super-human. Really tough.
...

Update - 12:40am

I was driving home and remembered that when I was little, I used to also believe that my skin was trying to transform in to scales since I was so good at swimming. It only made sense. I used to even have a little line of what looked like scales on my arm. They're still there, but they only show up when they get lots of sun...which I seem to be allergic to now, so unfortunately I can't show you just now. :(

Smooth

2011-02-10T01:16:00.005-05:00

Brodder posted this on his FB page awhile ago, but I just discovered it. Cooool.

ALOT of Spiders

2011-02-09T02:01:00.005-05:00

Notes:
This is taken directly from an email thread between me and ehbaba.
"ALOT" and "Spiders" stem from Allie Brosh's blog, Hyperbole and a Half - please visit her site on my sidebar (and I will probably add more links when my battery isn't dying).
27bslash6 is another link on my sidebar--please visit!
ehbaba and her hubby HS ("Hamburger Smasher", as named by ehbaba) are currently residing in Australia.
There. I think the rest will make sense.
...

From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: Spiders

have you read the 'spiders' post on hyperbole and a half?

lubbed it (specifically "i'd be all...no" and "defects")

----------

From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: ALOT

ok alot is even better

am i giving you a play by play of my blog reading lunch hour?

yes.

----------

From: melody
To: ehbaba
Subject: Re: ALOT

LoL Awesome.

Spiders: that's why I liked the 27bslash6 post about AUS/US. "If I am reincarnated as a spider, I will bite myself and not seek medical assistance" and "In Australia, the presence of a spider involves combat gear and improvised weapons."

Did I ever tell you about Brodder and I killing centipedes at home? Centipedes are too big to be killed with a wad of tissue, but too fast/creepy to be left alone and ignored in a corner of the room. If the vacuum cleaner wasn't readily handy, then we would take a shoe and just smash the sucker flat in one swift swat...and then leave it. Just because it was dead didn't mean it stopped feeling gross to the touch through a wad of tissue. The idea was that after smashing it, we'd go and get the vacuum at our leisure and suck it up off the floor/shoe, but sometimes it was a while before we got around to it.

Word to the wise: if you ever see a shoe just chilling in a random place on the floor at my parents' house, chances are there's something squished beneath it.

LoL

I think I'm going to post that. :)

----------

From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: Re: Re: ALOT

Awesome. Post.

HS's way to combat cockroaches and things that look like cockroahces (e.g. a really dark/black grasshopper) is to hairspray it to death/an immobolised state.

(side note: our place is clean but cockroaches are just everywhere and come in from the outdoors...we actually walk by them on sidewalks and parks and shit and it isn't dirty or anything?!?!?!)

We always have to have some cheap no name hairspray on hand. Cockroaches are resilient and FAST so it takes 30s of constant spraying to do them in. One time in the old apartment, we caught one in the bathtub that just came up through the drain. He was cornered. HS sprayed him but didn't want to deal with picking him up and tossing him in the garbage (we were rushing to get out the door and go to work). Inexplicably, he thought pouring Draino on it would be a better way of dealing with it. When we got back that night, the cockroach LIQUEFIED. Fully made it worse to pick up.

Recently, HS tried to use some all purpose cleaner to discourage miniature ants from trying to get in through the window frame. It didn't really work. While the first batch of ants scurried off, more were coming back (or the same ones...ants all look the same to me). Maybe they liked the citrus scent? So I suggested using BAM bathroom/tile cleaner. That stuff is POTENT. Not only did all the ants scurry away, the chemical fumes burned the inside of my nose for about 5 minutes. So later the same night, when HS saw a grasshopper disguised as a cockroach, he attacked it with his entire arsenal. With his hairspray in one hand and BAM in the other, he double-whammied the poor sucker and it was dead in no time. Then instantly we felt bad because we only kill cockroaches and try to let moths, grasshoppers, and daddy long legs live. We didn't even realise it was a grasshopper until it was trying to jump away from the BAM sprays. But by then it was too late. :(

---------

From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: Re: Re: Re: ALOT

edit

the cockroach didn't liquefy
it turned gelatinous

----------

From: melody
To: ehbaba
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: ALOT

gggggrrrroooooooossssssss!

But in an awesome sort of way.

Apparently lines of talcum powder keep ants away. They won't cross it...? My cousins did it at their place...they'd just had a new baby so they had tons of baby powder to try it with. Tell me if it works. If not, I guess good luck with the BAM.

I like that you capitalized BAM every time. :)

----------

From: ehbaba
To: melody
Subject: Re: Re: Re: ALOT

good tip
i have baby powder...will definitely try that

Being a gas

2011-02-09T01:58:00.002-05:00

I don't know if you know, but Costco's opened gas bars at select locations and the Costco member population's gone nuts for them. Understandably--you can save like, 4 cents a litre! So the line-ups for gas are, of course, ridiculous. Luckily, Costco's planned for that and has introduced a new, extremely valuable, indispensable line of careers.

The Costco gas bar attendants.

A field dominated by men (I've seen but one lone female there), these are the most under appreciated but toughest group of guys around. Standing outdoors for hours on end in minus to the nth degree temperature, they are there to direct traffic around the bar, to guide people to the pumps, to help members with their card authorizations (because you have to have a membership card and there's no paying with cash), and finally wish you well on your way afterwards.

Let's give it up for these guys (and girl)!

They have kept order more than once while I've been in line, and I just thought a little shout out to them is the least that they deserve.

Blondie
(He had a toque on, but you could see the little blonde wisps sticking out the sides--and his drawl just screamed surfer dude.)

I am not one of those members that fiddles very much with the pump or card reader--I get in and get out as efficiently as I can every time. Even so. One evening I was filling up after work and while I was working the card reader, Blondie came over to check on me. While I waited for my membership to authorize, he opened up my gas tank and while I pressed the button to pick my grade of gas he stuck the nozzle in and started pummping. He also showed me that these pumps had that little auto-switch so that you didn't have to hold the nozzle while pumping.

"Oh, I thought those weren't allowed on gas pumps anymore?"
"These are American pumps so they still have them. And there are so many attendants around that spills are rare but we can be there right away to clean them up. Well, you have a nice ev'ning, miss."

Thanks.

Mr. Ecco
(He's not as tall, he's definitely not Lost, but he's just as dark and still built like a tank.)

Mr. Ecco doesn't speak much, but whenever he makes eye contact with you, his eyes ask you if you need help and if your eyes tell him you're okay, he gives you a curt nod and continues his patrol of the gas bar.

There was one time where I pulled into the first pump and a silver Toyota Camry came around me a second later to pull into the second pump in front of me. He wasn't very good at backing into the space, but he did his best, and after a quick venture from his front seat to check, he figured he'd done alright and he and his bluetooth headset started to pump gas into his awkwardly angled car.

There is only one direction for traffic to pull in and out of the pump lanes. There is only one driveway next to the lanes to exit by. Having finished pumping my gas, I went to leave...and couldn't. (Ready for it?) The Chinese guy driving the silver Toyota Camry who was talking on his bluetooth headset turned out to be a bad driver and had blocked me in by angling his car too far into the driveway.

Mr. Ecco saw me not going anywhere in my car and came over because he thought I needed guidance out. His eyes connected with mine, but mine told him it wasn't my fault. He took one look at the situation, and without a word, stared down the dude in front until you could tell the guy just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. That stare was priceless.

When the guy had finished filling up and finally got out of the way, Mr. Ecco just turned away, shook his head and laughed.

Tag Team
(I dunno what else to call him...he was part of a team!)

So with everyone wanting cheap gas, the lineups tend to get pretty ridiculous. However, because of those valiant gas attendants, there is a method to the madness. There are attendants every step of the way from the moment you turn into the Costco parking lot to guide you through until you're in your precious spot in line for gas.

Thank goodness.

The other day, I was in line, inching my way along in the orderly fashion that was dictated by all the attendants when all of a sudden, there appeared a car a little too close to me in the passing lane on my left. It wasn't until the car behind me started honking that I realized that this woman was trying to cut in line in front of me! Well, 3 children in the backseat with a million other errands to run or not, I was NOT pleased at what this woman was attempting to do.

Thankfully, I didn't have to kill her.

Tag Team, who had been directing traffic up until then, had taken notice of the honking and had come over to investigate. As soon as he saw what she was trying to do, he planted himself directly in her way with his arms crossed so she couldn't butt her way in. I thought it was brave of him as the look in her eyes showed the desperation of the weary caregiver--again, with 3 kids in the back and a million other errands to run--I swear she was calculating whether or not she could get away with just mowing him over.

Then backup arrived.

With his silent but vocal eyes, Mr. Ecco tapped on the woman's window. She didn't open it, but that was okay--Mr. Ecco's eyes told her all she needed to know. She threw one last longingful look at Tag Team (who hadn't moved a muscle), and reluctantly drove away.

Thank you, Costco, for cheap gas, but thank you even more, for those gas attendants.

Opposites

2011-02-03T10:14:00.003-05:00

Dear Malcolm,

I love you so much--Happy Birthday, babe!

mel

----------

Dear Skin,

I hate you.

mel

Quote of the Moment:

2011-02-01T22:16:00.006-05:00

Libia and I were standing by her boyfriend's car, talking, when her boyfriend changed directions and chased Malcolm over to his car to ask him about his Thule instead of unlocking the doors for us.

"Hang on, I just want to go check out this guy's rack."

He made it two more steps before he and I both realized what he said and nearly collapsed at the same time into the snow, laughing. When we'd finally managed to gain a few ounces of control over our laughter, he managed to eke out:

"'Check out his rack'--that was perfect."

Awesome

2011-01-27T16:28:00.003-05:00

I left my phone at home today. I probably also left myself logged into all of my accounts on my laptop which is also at home.

Knowing that I left my phone at home, I've had my Google Chat open so that Malcolm can forward me any important messages that might come through.

me - Hun, what's my FB status?
bf - Apparently you're raving about how awesome your boyfriend is?
me - OF COURSE my boyfriend is awesome!
me - What exactly did I say about him?
bf - You said, "If my boyfriend was any more awesome, my head would explode in the most awesome manner, simply from the sheer awesomeness of his awesomeness. imagine that."
bf - It's your status, why are you asking me?
me - mmmm....because I must have telepathically posted that one...I wasn't exactly sure what my telepathic powers were able to transmit to FB...

And so...I think there have been 19 comments to my status...and counting...

I'd post them all, but I can't seem to get my telepathy to download things today.

Quote of the moment

2011-01-25T18:32:00.001-05:00

"Well, I'm pretty and that's all that matters."
--some girls behind us at the theatre.